Sick of being told I'm black

[Notjustblackandwhite]

Just this really. On Friday a white friend asked me what I thought of racism in the UK as a black person. I'm mixed race, I'm not black. My mum is white and my father is black Brazilian, but it doesn't seem to matter and I frequently get called black ''for ease'', by white people.

I have nothing against the ''black'' part of my heritage, but I'm at most one or two shades darker than Meghan Markle, and I feel as though an identity is being forced upon me, similarly to how your name might get changed because x and y have decided that your name is too "ethnic" to pronounce. I'm getting more and more worked up over this, and recently someone decided to tell me that I was being racist for being dismissive of being black.

AIBU to think that is really grating and makes me want to punch people sometimes (metaphorically of course)?

I think it's a nasty Americanism creeping in with the "one drop" stuff.
I think if you count 'one drop' that'd probably be most of us.

It would be every last one of us. All of our ancestors were once black. Being white (or east asian etc) is a mutation.

think it's a nasty Americanism creeping in

This^

Americans have an extremely unhealthy obsession with ancestry and the colour of peoples skin

A friend of mine is mixed race and she once said that she’s got the worst of both worlds. She doesn’t belong to either side and whichever side she identifies with she’s accused of trying to forget about the other side.

She feels excluded from both her black AND white cultures.

Her new (white) SIL told her recently that she wasn’t really mixed race as there were more family members on the black side than on the white, so she was actually black.

I don’t know what the solution to this sort of arrogance is but changes need to be made.

Race is a social construct, not a meaningful biological category. But that doesn't make it non-existent. Race very much exists socially and culturally. When people try to deny its power or claim to be "colour-blind" or repeat tiresome phrases such as "all lives matter," that indicates that they may be either ignorant or intentionally attempting to minimise the reality of race and racism.

It should go without saying that I'm not suggesting that the OP would do any of that.

But are we really gong to name each person by their skin colour, that would be kind of crazy wouldn't it? And pointless, it wouldn't tell us anything.

Yes, we'll name a person's skin colour whatever they bloody well identify as because it's their identity. It doesn't tell you anything but to them it's their family, it's their upbringing, it's their culture, their food, their struggles, their everything.

It's important and it's time for us to stop pretending it isn't.

@Flaxmeadow

think it's a nasty Americanism creeping in

This^

Americans have an extremely unhealthy obsession with ancestry and the colour of peoples skin

Oh it seems awful in USA.... Really bad as far as racism goes.

Here, 'Class' is the biggie.

It's definitely taught me something tonight. I thought race was a biological fact. I didn't know it was a cultural thing and arguably not even a real thing at all!

When you teach kids (as I do) the vast bulk imagine 'race' has some biological basis because we talk as if it does. We make black/white/latino/jewish into such defined categories and assign characteristics to these groups which just have no basis in reality.

You can find more genetic difference between two families who have lived 30 miiles apart in spain for the last 1000 years than you might between a white Brit and a Kashmiri. This is because humans are very, very varied and have not been geographically seperated for long enough (in evolutionary terms).

Skin colours became distinct because it's essential to survival to have the right amount of melanin for the climate. Only a very few other genes are geographically localised.

I understand why you're offended. As others have said, it's the equivalent of the horribly racist one-drop rule. I'm actual fact you're as white as you are black. How you identify is up to you, whether you consider yourself white, black, mixed heritage or "prefer not to say"!

I see bubblybarbara has been here spouting her normal tripe!

I don't think MM is obviously anything. Not that it matters in the slightest anyway. DH was surprised to discover in the press when they were getting married that she was black and he's watched all of Suits.

OP it's terrible that people are trying to force you to ignore one or other side of your heritage. No-one is really black or white anyway, we are just a spectrum from dark brown to pale (pink/peach/whatever?) and I can't say that it matters to me what anyone is.

Yes, we'll name a person's skin colour whatever they bloody well identify as because it's their identity. It doesn't tell you anything but to them it's their family, it's their upbringing, it's their culture, their food, their struggles, their everything.

It's important and it's time for us to stop pretending it isn't

But not everyone feels this way. Especially outside the USA where identity politcs is considered important for some reason

Race is a social construct, not a meaningful biological category. But that doesn't make it non-existent. Race very much exists socially and culturally.

It is non-existant in the sense that what people think race means isn't real. If we stop using the racist's language to describe the complexity of ethnicity and heritage more people will realise it's just bobbins.

When people try to deny its power or claim to be "colour-blind" or repeat tiresome phrases such as "all lives matter," that indicates that they may be either ignorant or intentionally attempting to minimise the reality of race and racism.

True but (surprisingly) I don't think anyone has done that so far. Just because some numpties will use the fact that race doesn't exist as an excuse to ignore racism is no reason to propigate racist language.

@Flaxmeadow

Yes, we'll name a person's skin colour whatever they bloody well identify as because it's their identity. It doesn't tell you anything but to them it's their family, it's their upbringing, it's their culture, their food, their struggles, their everything.

It's important and it's time for us to stop pretending it isn't

But not everyone feels this way. Especially outside the USA where identity politcs is considered important for some reason

Yes. Racists don't feel that way- both the skinheads and the patronising gits who think black people need saving.

Perhaps those of us who are not racists should stop buying what they are selling, even if it hurts their feelings.

(obligatory caveat to a avoid a derail- people can still have subconcious prejudices and structural inequality is a huge problem)

My mixed race says nothing about what kind of person I am and was irrelevant to almost all I did at work,school, gym etc
but for racists it defined me as the "other" to be insulted, assaulted and ideally expelled from the country - the country that I was born in, btw and that my late father fought for.

A lot of this 'we're all people what does it matter' stuff just handwaves away the fact that racism exists, unconscious bias exists.

That different people have different assumptions and different experiences due to a variety of factors. Racism exists. Institutional racism exists. A whole host of stuff.

If it's all just people then happy days. No racism, homophobia, sexism etc etc. Job done.

What I find odd is that you can have parents from completely different cultures, but if they’re both white you’re apparently not of mixed heritage. But you can have two British parents and if they have different skin colours you’re classed as mixed.

I think I get what you mean, that you don't want to be pigeonholed and in a way for people to see you as their pet black person who can give them the views of all black people.

As a PP said, I suggest just emphasising when people do it, that you're not black, you're mixed race, if that's important to you.

You could also say you can't speak for all people of any race, as they're all individuals with different opinions.

I always the thought Meghan Markle was white, it was only on here when her race was constantly mentioned when people were getting accused of being racist for not liking her that I remembered.

@Flaxmeadow

Yes, we'll name a person's skin colour whatever they bloody well identify as because it's their identity. It doesn't tell you anything but to them it's their family, it's their upbringing, it's their culture, their food, their struggles, their everything.

It's important and it's time for us to stop pretending it isn't

But not everyone feels this way. Especially outside the USA where identity politcs is considered important for some reason

No, you don't feel that way.

The OP does. Millions of ethnic minorities do.

What the hell does the USA have to do with it? This isn't politics, this is real life.

A man who looks black is most likely to be arrested. A man who looks Asian can't go on the underground with a backpack on without getting funny looks. An individual with a white, anglican name is most likely to be accepted in a job interview or a housing application.

A person is judged on the colour of their skin or their ethnic background before they have even opened their mouths. It's ignorant to pretend they aren't.

Surely the first step in rectifying the travesty of the colourist society we live in is getting the bloody ethnicity right in the first place. Colour has been a vital part of our societal structure for as far back as the history books go, we can't just now turn round and say 'oh it doesn't matter anymore' because discussions about it make us uncomfortable.

@MaitlandGirl

A friend of mine is mixed race and she once said that she’s got the worst of both worlds. She doesn’t belong to either side and whichever side she identifies with she’s accused of trying to forget about the other side.

She feels excluded from both her black AND white cultures.

Her new (white) SIL told her recently that she wasn’t really mixed race as there were more family members on the black side than on the white, so she was actually black.

I don’t know what the solution to this sort of arrogance is but changes need to be made.

Yeah, this has very much been my experience as well. Other people deciding for me what I am, and never being part of either group, if you were to create a black and white divide.

@Goosefoot It is in a way about heritage, because being labelled as "black" in this country comes with a whole set of both physical traits and cultural experiences that I frankly can't identify with. And the ones I can identify with, partly because of my experience as someone with both black and white heritage, don't matter.

I thought Meghan was quite obviously black Eh??? She's never looked 'black' to me, certainly far from 'obviously'.

Sorry OP - forgot to say, yes it is ridiculous that you are identified as black. I would just correct them and say you are Brazilian.

2020hasbeenbloodyswful

Careful now.

Poster upthread has decided that anyone who says there is still institutional racism in the police is talking bollocks as they have been spending too much time on Twitter.

I think people sometimes don't know what term to use. I always thought people didn't like mixed race, and it was dual heritage now. So I guess by trying not to be offensive, people then are.
Although I can't think of a situation where I would ever address someone based on their race.

We have a DS who struggles a bit with his race. Our kids have one black grandparent, on their fathers side, but only DS (and one of his cousins) look at all mixed race.
He has grown up totally surrounded by white people in a very "white" village, and he wasnt lucky enough to meet his grandparent.
Since moving to uni, he has started to explore his heritage more, hangs around with the black kids, who call him "bro" and has a black girlfriend. I feel awful that we havent really acknowledged his heritage, because it obviously wasnt an issue for us we didnt expect it to be an issue for him, yet he definitely doesn't feel "white".
He has been asked his opinion on BLM. God knows how he answered that.