Sick of being told I'm black

[Notjustblackandwhite]

Just this really. On Friday a white friend asked me what I thought of racism in the UK as a black person. I'm mixed race, I'm not black. My mum is white and my father is black Brazilian, but it doesn't seem to matter and I frequently get called black ''for ease'', by white people.

I have nothing against the ''black'' part of my heritage, but I'm at most one or two shades darker than Meghan Markle, and I feel as though an identity is being forced upon me, similarly to how your name might get changed because x and y have decided that your name is too "ethnic" to pronounce. I'm getting more and more worked up over this, and recently someone decided to tell me that I was being racist for being dismissive of being black.

AIBU to think that is really grating and makes me want to punch people sometimes (metaphorically of course)?

In Jamaica my mixed race kids are classed as white.
I think society in general see mixed race as part of black society not condoning it but then many do see the mixed race as exactly that.
No easy answer as uts your feelings. I hope my kids aren't too hung up on colour!

I have always been genuinely puzzled by this. I don’t understand why mixed race people are called black. If someone is half white and half back, they are not black or white. They are mixed race. Meghan Markle is called black by those who see her critics as racist. I’m not sure if she identifies as black herself.

MM has always identified as biracial ( American term for mixed race)

Interesting view point. I have a child who is White and black. In my mind she's black so I build up her knowledge of being black because I know the predominant white society will not teach her to love her skin or hair.

I do wonder if as she grows up she'll view herself as much white as she is black.

I think sometimes how or where you grew up may decide that for you. If you grow up around mostly black people I think you will see yourself as black because of the collective experience,

If you grow up around white people - you'll never be able to claim whiteness so it's likely you will say you're mixed race.

Reminds me of when piers Morgan asks dizzy rascal What he thinks about the riots as a black man

Dizzy slayed him though !

I have heard Meghan Markle describe herself as a biracial woman, so I guess that's what she sees herself as.

She looks mixed race to me, not white, in general Black people can tell when someone is mixed with other races, even if they have blond hair and blue eyes.

I would find that annoying as well. I don’t really understand why people refer to Megan Markle as black either. Bonkers! I’m actually mixed race but no one would ever call me black. I blame the tick boxy obsession with trying to put everyone in boxes and the generational periodic change in the way that people talk about people. We are all humans after all so should be able to think in shades.

Dizzy

@NiceGerbil

Black men in the UK are disproportionately likely to die in interactions with the met.

Is that with knowing or not?

Saying well it's just people just erases institutional issues with various groups.

No, no they're not. You've spent far too long on twitter.

@BubblyBarbara @Notjustblackandwhite I never even realised Meghan Markle was mixed race until
It was mentioned in the papers. Also, I never realised how dark her mum was but hey, who cares No labels needed for anyone.

OP, YANBU.
I find it sad your friends are making this assumption of how you are to be perceived without actually checking how you actually feel about it yourself.
It's personal and, as seen by many responses above, different for everyone. We are individuals - I get annoyed by people changing my simple name,let alone my race.
OP - Please correct them. A friend would be happy to be corrected.

Its totally understandable to feel that way op. 50% of your heritage is white so why is it people automatically assume you only identify with the 50% black side of your heritage. Its puzzling as if people dont really understand what being mixed race entails. Its so rude for them to dismiss your own identity and tell you what you are. It must be anger inducing. That said i have quiet a few mixed race friends who all view themselves differently, but 2 of them steadfastly only see themselves as black and get quiet insulted if they are refered to as mixed race, luckily the subject rarely comes up in conversation as it must be awful to discuss someone's heritage and have people ignore their own feelings.

goodness knows what you would call someone who is the product of more than two races.

In the US, people don't generally use the term "mixed race" in the same way that it is often used in the UK. In the US, it's more likely "biracial" (two races) or "multiracial" (more than two races).

@Lardlizard

Dizzy

Haha, Piers got told! Well done Dizzee Rascal

MM is mixed and looks mixed.
I would approach you as mixed OP.

I dont understand why people would struggle with this. It strikes me as obvious that a mixed race woman would have an entirely different experience than a black woman and a white woman

oi, tudo bem! Half Brazilian here too! "Race" is a very different concept in Brazil (depending on where in Brazil, perhaps) and there isn't this weird catch all buckets like you do in English speaking cultures.
In the media I've been exposed to, Black can mean "anything not white". I've seen Frida kahlo included as a black artist! I've also noticed that mixed race generally prefer to be called or call themselves black and want to be included in that. So I guess white English people have seen that and inferred it's the right thing too.

I found communication in England is made up of inferences, presumptions and second guessing rather than being upfront. We don't like being direct it's considered rude but to be honest this indirect route can be harmful and patronising as you've found.

Interesting post, wish I had advice. Good that you are posting it here so more people know not to make assumptions.

YANBU and you make a very important point OP.

I thought megan markle was white at first. My mums white and my dads mixed race but is quite dark skinned and I'm darker than megan. I get pissed off when people ask where I'm from then seemed shocked when I say England. Like everyone from England is white.

I feel your pain. But at least they are trying to educate themselves -so educate- say I'm mixed race -I prefer x term. I'm getting seriously confused as some of my mixed race friends call themselves BAME, some black, some mixed, some ethnic minority etc and if I were to refer to one of my friends as BAME (not that I would but others have) she goes off at the deep end saying she isn't BAME but black.

I think it's a nasty Americanism creeping in with the "one drop" stuff. Just look at this video, it's ridiculous.

I live in London and know many mixed race people, including people who are from 3+ backgrounds, e.g. Jewish, Irish and Caribbean expecting babies with other mixed people, e.g. English, Tanzanian and Indian. It would be ridiculous to call them, or their babies, "black".

OP, YANBU at all. I'd be tempted to be pretty rude to repeat offenders.

I think YABU OP. It's not realistic for people to see you are mixed race, and "black" people come in all kinds of shades. IIRC Peter Davidson once said in an interview that he was the first black Dr Who - he's blond and quite fair.

Race isn't like ethnicity which is (somewhat) objectively defined. Race is culturally defined, and it's not the same in every country either. In many places, being mixed race with a black parent is considered to make you black, unless perhaps you clearly look entirely white. It's used a lot that way in the UK, and it tends to be the default. There are some reasons historically that is the case and there was a bit of a trend in the 90s for using the term mixed race more often, but overall it didn't catch on so much.
Practically, no one knows from looking at you if you want to be called Brazilian, black, mixed race, BIPOC, or PoC. No one really knows your background unless you tell them. And they may or may not remember if what you want is unusual.

It’sover brilliant how dizzy handled it, isn’t it !

Go dizzy

DH and MIL struggle with this.

MIL is mixed race with a white Mother and a black Father. Her Dad left when she was very young and her siblings were raised in a white household. She is the darkest skinned of her sisters and is always mistaken as 'black', yet she says she feels more white than black and to this day, she doesn't feel like she has found her identity. She also has a sister who is so fair-skinned that she looks white, she is also mistaken as white, and she too is extremely confused about where she fits.

Comparatively, DH's Father is also white. He and his brothers are olive-skinned but DH is the double of his maternal grandfather in all but skin tone. His Dad was never part of his life and he was raised by his mixed race Mum and Aunties. He says he struggles to identify with how white he is as he was raised with his 'minority' identity at the forefront. But that is not what people see, he is constantly mistaken for Hispanic, Asian, European etc as he has very ambiguous features that just look 'different.' He too says he struggles with how he looks in a mirror because he 'doesn't match' how people perceive him.

Race and identity are a hugely diverse and complicated jumble of ethnicities, values and views and to categorise someone just by how they look it is a really insensitive and ignorant thing to do.

@GentleSpear

I'm a mixed man (Jamaican and white) I agree with the OP, I'm as white as I am black, so why should my default colour be black. Am I non-white? Yes. But I am also non-black. Colour doesn't have to be binary

I think the underlying issue with this is that race as such has no particular objectivity. It's something that's very much defined by culture, and it doesn't always correspond directly to ethnicity.

In some places, your economic class as well as your appearance is part of what defines your race, for example. And most black people in a place like the US, or parts of the Caribbean, or South America, are mixed race from our POV. Then there is the problem of how you tell - I can sometimes tell certain people probably have no white ancestors, but in many cases I can't.

Ethnicity is a much better approach if people want to be specific about their background, race is a really blunt tool. In many ways we'd be better off without it.