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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband expects me to be glued to his children and it's driving me insane

309 replies

YatEe · 17/10/2020 22:19

Nothing I do is fucking good enough.

He's accused me tonight of having an issue with the children and avoiding them because I caught up with a programme in another room whilst they were happily settled in the living room with headphones on, playing games this morning.

The funniest part about this is.... HE WAS OUT. I was looking after them so he could go out and do something.

Apparently I should have watched my programme on my tablet in the same room so we were 'spending time together' (whilst he was out...not spending time with us) Hmm

I've told him how rich that is considering he wasn't even here himself and that I don't see what the problem is.

I was in and out of the room, tidying up, asking if they needed anything, what were they watching etc...

They aren't tiny children for goodness sake (9 & 11), surely it's not a big deal that we spent an hour in separate rooms for the morning.

I'm so pissed off. Apparently I used to make more effort with things like painting with them, baking etc... I agree we did used to do more stuff, but that was when they were much smaller, they just aren't as interested in those things anymore. All they want to do is play games and he lets them. But I'm apparently supposed to make more effort?

He does this all the time. If I want to go somewhere on a contact day it's 'dont you want to see the children' etc... I feel fucking suffocated by it.

OP posts:
Haas19 · 19/10/2020 18:25

What a cheek!! If he wants a free babysitter the least he can do is be grateful. You are perfectly entitled to watch your shows in another room when they are doing their things. And 9 and 11years old don’t need constant supervision like a toddler. Next time he asks you to mind them while they are there turn it on him and ask why he doesn’t want to be with them

Coffeemaniac · 19/10/2020 18:29

You are not his servant 😡

Wilkie1956mog · 19/10/2020 18:31

My god. What's wrong with him?!!

ToftyAC · 19/10/2020 18:31

Astounding! Me and the husband both have kids from previous marriages. We actively kept out of each other’s way on contact days so we could have 1:1 contact. We did stuff together too, but by prior arrangement. Outrageous behaviour from your DP.

ASongOfRiceAndPeas · 19/10/2020 18:31

OP can you tell us where he went and if he does this regularly I.e. go to the pub every weekend he has contact with them? I’m sorry but I’d really like to know where he’s going that’s so important he has to miss contact time with his kids yet dictate how you should be spending time with them.

aSofaNearYou · 19/10/2020 18:34

I would ditch him OP, he is being very unreasonable and clearly has on ongoing attitude about this.

Newfornow · 19/10/2020 18:37

If he leaves you in charge you are in charge. He isn’t your boss.

Pessismistic · 19/10/2020 18:39

Surely he has to make himself available all day and your the one who can go out. You need to make plans for yourself even if its going for a coffee alone to get your me time. He really is cheeky and needs to make them his priority not yours good luck.

FlynnD · 19/10/2020 18:45

I’m sure their Mother doesn’t spend her 50% having ‘quality time’ with them ffs! Kids that age are happy to have some iPad time while the adult gets a few jobs done or ‘watch a programme’ in another room, he’s acting like you left them home alone. If he’s not happy with what you do tell him you’ll do no more, then follow up your words, watch him change his attitude then! Cheeky so&so

QueSera · 19/10/2020 18:49

OP I echo everything said above. What on earth are you doing with this awful man? Run for the hills.

SkaterGrrrrl · 19/10/2020 18:51

YANBU
I have an eight year-old and a 10 year-old. I love them more than life itself but a lot of the time at the weekend they are knocking around the house playing LEGO or something while I'm in another room.

Buffs · 19/10/2020 18:52

Children who are 9 and 11 should be allowed time being unsupervised.
He is being very unreasonable.

ComDummings · 19/10/2020 18:53

Ew dump him. I genuinely would. His children, if he wants someone glued to them it should be him. He’s using you as a babysitter.

Boysnme · 19/10/2020 18:57

My kids are that age and don’t want me in the room with them every hour of the day. They were fine, perfectly happy. Your DH is being an idiot. Just stop looking after them, he can stay in instead.

2ddandabump · 19/10/2020 18:57

Sounds like a normal household to me. My dd's are 12 and 9, they live with me and their step dad and their dad equally.

They often sit on tech in their rooms for a couple of hours, especially on weekends and we might have the TV on in the front room. As long as they know you are there if they need you. Life isn't all baking, crafts and doing things. Everyone needs a bit of me time, even the kids, especially at times like this. Sounds like he has a bit of a chip on his shoulder about how his kids spend their free time and maybe he should talk to you about that rather than picking fault with your childcare.

sarahangel778 · 19/10/2020 19:06

Tell him that a Nanny Service is £16 per hour.

Survived1 · 19/10/2020 19:21

He made me laughed!! He is aout and about and expecting to looking after his kids.. what a joke! It doesnt matter what they do in the room..he shoild be lucky that you look after his kids.syltick in the house. You do not have to explain yourself. Just tell him to pay for childminder service if he is not happy witj your service lol 🙄

TheDuchessofMalfy · 19/10/2020 19:24

God he sounds appalling!

Don’t really know where to start but pps have said it all really. Hypocritical, sexist, controlling, lazy.

KittCat · 19/10/2020 19:24

Cheeky fucker! Tell him to look after his children!

Scarlettpixie · 19/10/2020 19:32

Being in separate rooms some of the time is perfectly normal. Yanbu.

hope153 · 19/10/2020 19:39

Yep ! Tell him to fuck off !

Sandii · 19/10/2020 19:42

It does kids good to entertain themselves unattended at that age. I have 9 yr old twin step kids who live with us and often if they are doing something l sit in the kitchen watching the TV with the door ajar. What’s his problem ...he sounds very controlling . Don’t take any notice of him ...he’s out anyway so what goes on isn’t his affair .

Sezzathatsme · 19/10/2020 19:50

Not being funny but my boys are 6 and 9, and when they put fortnite/iPads on, I gladly run to another room to catch up on some program of mine or even answer WhatsApp messages from friends! And when I try and get my boys to do fun things with me, especially the 8 year old, it’s like trying to get blood out of a stone as he’d rather sit on tiktok!! Don’t feel bad... the other half needs to give his head a wobble and stop sounding so controlling! Xx

luluw41 · 19/10/2020 19:56

Since he’s so displeased with your care of his children in his absence, make it clear that that’s the last time he will be leaving them with you. If he had to pop out while they are there, of course that’s reasonable. These things happen. He should be thanking you, not criticising you for heaven’s sake! He needs to either take them with or stay put if it happens again. Got to say he sounds incredibly selfish, entitled and chauvinistic. I’d tell him so.

langley281082 · 19/10/2020 20:16

Yanbu! Run for the hills or kick him into touch! Either way he is being totally controlling and ignorant .