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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Money doesn't make you any happier

285 replies

Iris101 · 17/10/2020 16:04

AIBU to think this? Sarcastic replies accepted but........

I work with a guy who is on big bucks. He's never happy, because he uses all his money to fund an expensive lifestyle for himself and his kids including fee-paying school. He and his DW nearly split up two years ago - he admitted it was because they worried about how to meet all their bills/continue funding their lifestyle, and all they ever talked (argued) about in the evening was money.

I also work with a woman who is a part-time assistant in a Finance Team. She has three kids/married and earns about £16,000 pa. Comparatively, she is very happy. I asked her once why she didn't go for a promotion, and she just replied "I didn't want it. I never wanted it." She seems happy with her lot. Genuinely happy. She never talks about money as a problem. Whereas people who earn a lot, do.

I've met various people through the course of my working life who are big earners, and they all have something in common - money-related trauma, whatever shape that takes, it's there, lurking under the surface. One boss said to me once, "Money goes in, money goes out." He also worried endlessly about letting money go; it was a painful experience for him that he was constantly bugged for funding. And it showed on his face. He was miserable.

Now of course it's clear that to attain a certain level of comfort, you need to have enough money to meet your basic needs. But various studies over the years have shown that beyond this baseline, excessive levels of wealth have relatively low impact on an individual's state of happiness. Does money actually begin to lose it's value after a certain point? Once you've got enough money to buy whatever you want, does your wealth become meaningless? And once you've attained a state of wealth, do you just worry about it trickling away?

There was a story not long ago in the paper (can't remember which paper) about a modest working man who won the lotto. He said it ruined his life. The friends he had either abandoned him or got nasty when they expected him to give them money or buy them things, and he was attacked in the street by jealous neighbours. He said he was so unhappy he had contemplated suicide.

These are just examples that I can think of for the purposes of discussion. I'm sure there are lots of people who are wealthy and happy. As many to match the ones who aren't. But does money (or the acquisition of it) make for a good enough goal in order to attain happiness?

Giving a dissatisfied person a lot of money - I don't think it would make them any happier. In fact, quite the opposite. What do others think?

OP posts:
Hopoindown31 · 18/10/2020 10:02

Money can't make you happy, but a lack of it can certainly make you miserable. Being poor is not fun.

Zaphodsotherhead · 18/10/2020 10:56

Rubaiyat - your first scenario is me. Live alone (with my dog), a small inheritance enabled me to buy my tiny cottage outright and I now live on earnings of around £11k pa. Money can be tight, but as long as the bills are covered, I'm good.

Living out in the countryside helps, it's quiet, I walk a lot and have very few wants. More money would buy me choices but, to be honest, I'd probably just use it to help my kids buy houses. Once you have a roof over your head that nobody can take away, everything else is just chips and gravy.

Flaxmeadow · 18/10/2020 11:04

Money can't make you happy, but a lack of it can certainly make you miserable. Being poor is not fun.

This. Money means you can afford to put your hearing on in winter, buy new shoes when you need them or a new coat, Catch a bus when its pouring down with rain instead of walking. Even some people who work struggle to do this

Flaxmeadow · 18/10/2020 11:05

*heating not hearing

DuckingMad · 18/10/2020 11:11

Money makes you happier up to a certain point.

A family living in poverty may find, upon gaining wealth, that their physical and mental health improves, as well as their relationships. Living in cramped conditions, living with financial stress, really takes it's toll. Being able to provide everyone with what they need can alleviate that.

However, when you get so rich that the money literally means nothing to you, I think you lose the appreciation of all that is brings to make your life easier.

Utterlybutterly8 · 18/10/2020 11:14

I disagree. If I could afford to go on regular holidays and stay at really nice places - plus buy a big house so family could stay over in an area I really like - I would definitely be happier!

Devlesko · 18/10/2020 11:23

It depends on the person though, some people are happier without money and if it comes to a time when they don't have enough they cut back and it doesn't worry them.
If you don't have it you can't spend it. As long as you have a roof over your head, food in your belly, and clothes those are basic needs covered.

Doubleyikes · 18/10/2020 11:28

Money doesn’t make for happiness but it makes unhappiness more comfortable. If you are miserable but don’t have any financial it’s a less stressful misery in that you’re not likely to lose your home, can pay for support, help, things that make your life easier etc.

Isis1981uk · 18/10/2020 11:35

I'm not well off & incredibly happy. I have a family & partner I adore, a job I enjoy, good health, a nice home etc.

However, I believe only people who are comfortably off say things like 'money can't make you happy'. Of course, on it's own it couldn't, but not having to worry about whether I can justify buying myself a new pair of shoes or not would take a lot of pressure off and I'd certainly be happier not having to worry about it.

SuperCaliFragalistic · 18/10/2020 11:40

@RubaiyatOfAnyone I am in scenario 3 but slightly better off and am genuinely truly happy. I work PT, annual income of around £19k + tax credits. 2 young kids, single parent. However due to circumstances from my previous relationship I am lucky enough to have a smallish mortgage on a reasonable 3 bed house in a decent area. Which means I have some small savings and my kids are provided for. But my happiness does not equate to my bank balance. It's due to me not being in a shit relationship, having loads of time with my kids, having a job that I enjoy and challenges me enough without taking over my life.

Livelovebehappy · 18/10/2020 11:41

Having no money or very little is absolutely miserable. I think those that have always had money can be miserable, only because they know no different, and have never experienced the misery of having no money. But I think if you asked someone who had gone through periods in their life in poverty, but who now live comfortably, they would absolutely admit that money has brought them more happiness.

MitziK · 18/10/2020 11:45

I'd rather be miserable in comfort.

At least I wouldn't be miserable due to worrying about bills, whether one of us would lose a job, whether we'd be made homeless, whether we could afford food, etc, etc.

If somebody has a small amount of money but it is secure and covers all their outgoings and what they wish to do for pleasure, they're comfortable and don't have to worry. If they have lots but spend more than they have, they're not and do.

So, if anybody wants to send me say, half a million, I'd be delighted to test the theory whether being miserable in comfort is better than being miserable and not knowing whether you'll get through the next month unscathed.

Dongdingdong · 18/10/2020 11:45

However, I believe only people who are comfortably off say things like 'money can't make you happy'.

I think the opposite - people with not much money say it to make themselves feel better about not having any. I don’t have a lot, but I have some very wealthy friends who are extremely happy. I’ve had frank discussions with them about money and they say they’re really pleased they chose the career routes they did, because it’s bought them lovely homes, nice holidays, private schooling for the DC etc.

Zaphodsotherhead · 18/10/2020 11:48

Different people have different ideas of 'no money'. Before I bought this place I couldn't afford heating, the electricity bill was a constant struggle to pay and I never had new clothes. To me, that was 'no money'.

But I also know a guy who's got millions squirrelled away. Due to dropping interest rates and the pension fund crash, he has less than he thought he would have - he considers he has 'no money'.

StormcloakNord · 18/10/2020 11:49

I've been on both ends.

Used to live in council housing, barely any money to scrape by on, had to choose between leccy or fuel etc etc

Met now DH, bought big 4 bed house & he's on enough money for us to live comfortably & I'm back studying to do something I love.

Money categorically does make you happier. It makes life easier & it frees up so much head space not to have to worry about if bills can/will be paid etc.

StormcloakNord · 18/10/2020 11:49

I've been on both ends.

Used to live in council housing, barely any money to scrape by on, had to choose between leccy or fuel etc etc

Met now DH, bought big 4 bed house & he's on enough money for us to live comfortably & I'm back studying to do something I love.

Money categorically does make you happier. It makes life easier & it frees up so much head space not to have to worry about if bills can/will be paid etc.

Plummeting · 18/10/2020 11:53

Obviously it depends on the circumstances but our situation changed for the better due to inheritance a few years ago and I can tell you we are much happier. It's actually the smaller things - car insurance is due and it's been a busy month so I just let it roll over rather than shopping around - could never have done that a few years ago when every penny counted. X, y or z breaks and I pop out and buy a good quality replacement without having to give it any headspace. Basically being well off gives me time because I don't have to shop around or agonise. Of course I still do sometimes because no one wants to pay over the odds but I don't have to if it busy.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 18/10/2020 11:54

I've had money and I've had no money.

I certainly know what I'd prefer

waitrosetrollydolly · 18/10/2020 11:56

It's what you do with it and who knows you've got it that can make the difference in my experience.
Do good when you can and keep it quiet.

Zenithbear · 18/10/2020 11:57

If you have experienced both sides you can definitely appreciate having money.
Living hand to mouth, being skint and waiting for your wages to go in to buy food and never having any fun money is depressing. I've been there.
Now I'm well off, have no debts/mortgage to worry about I'm far far happier.
Having disposable income to buy experiences, holidays, having a nice home in a decent area and having savings for emergencies avoiding extra worry is a better life imo.
People can be crap with money whatever they earn though which is the premise of the op.

FloraButterCookie · 18/10/2020 11:58

My father is a self made millionaire, going from extreme poverty to massive wealth. (He doesn’t have extravagant tastes and if you met him you’d never know his wealth). But he always says that anybody who says ‘Money doesn’t buy you happiness’ has never had money. Not meant in a bragging way at all, he means having enough to not worry about having enough to cover the essentials

It may not buy you ‘happiness’ (some people just have a miserable disposition, regardless) but at least you could you wouldn’t have the added stress of worrying about bills, providing necessities

SecretSpAD · 18/10/2020 12:00

I have said to people before that money doesn't bring happiness, but I was coming from a place of never actually having to worry about where the money was coming from. I was, actually, being a bit of a dick and incredibly patronising to people who spent most of their time stressed, worried and scared.

I still believe that money doesn't buy happiness, but what it does is buy choice - a holiday can help give us a break, a tutor can help a child do better in exams and paying for private medicine can make you better quicker.

LindaEllen · 18/10/2020 12:04

I've always been of the opinion that it depends what you do with the money, and where you place your focus. If you're focusing on literally 'buying' your happiness, i.e. you need the best car, the best schools, the biggest house etc then you're never going to be happy, as you'll always want something more. But if you use your money to 'support' your happiness, for example you have a nice, comfortable family home and don't have to worry about the mortgage, you can put food on the table, have a car that works and if it breaks down you can afford to fix it, you never have to worry about affording Christmas (but don't go overboard with it) .. then money CAN make you happier than having none.

Having money gives you access to security and comfort, but it's how you think about it that decides whether you are happy.

SecretSpAD · 18/10/2020 12:10

I do believe that a lot of the people on here, and people I know in real life, who say that they lead a frugal life - don't drink, don't "waste" money on meals out, takeaways etc and look down in people who live differently, are people who have no worries paying the bills, probably own their own house so no mortgage to worry about, have stacks of savings. For those people living frugally is a life choice. For people with little money then it's more important to have things in their life that bring a bit of joy. A takeaway and bottle of wine on a Friday night can make up for a shit week of wondering how to make ends meet.

ItsAlwaysSunnyOnMN · 18/10/2020 12:11

It makes life a lot lot easier stress form having no money is absolutely miserable From the moment you wake up in the morning it’s always hanging over your head it’s all consuming.

I have struggled at times since having ds but thankfully not like I did when younger when I had to count pennies to buy food I’m thankful for this.

Now I’m comfortable (still worry at times when a larger bill comes in and I am on my own) I’m far more relaxed. To not be constantly running through my finances in my head makes me happy it’s far less stressful