Money doesn't make you any happier

[Iris101]

AIBU to think this? Sarcastic replies accepted but........

I work with a guy who is on big bucks. He's never happy, because he uses all his money to fund an expensive lifestyle for himself and his kids including fee-paying school. He and his DW nearly split up two years ago - he admitted it was because they worried about how to meet all their bills/continue funding their lifestyle, and all they ever talked (argued) about in the evening was money.

I also work with a woman who is a part-time assistant in a Finance Team. She has three kids/married and earns about £16,000 pa. Comparatively, she is very happy. I asked her once why she didn't go for a promotion, and she just replied "I didn't want it. I never wanted it." She seems happy with her lot. Genuinely happy. She never talks about money as a problem. Whereas people who earn a lot, do.

I've met various people through the course of my working life who are big earners, and they all have something in common - money-related trauma, whatever shape that takes, it's there, lurking under the surface. One boss said to me once, "Money goes in, money goes out." He also worried endlessly about letting money go; it was a painful experience for him that he was constantly bugged for funding. And it showed on his face. He was miserable.

Now of course it's clear that to attain a certain level of comfort, you need to have enough money to meet your basic needs. But various studies over the years have shown that beyond this baseline, excessive levels of wealth have relatively low impact on an individual's state of happiness. Does money actually begin to lose it's value after a certain point? Once you've got enough money to buy whatever you want, does your wealth become meaningless? And once you've attained a state of wealth, do you just worry about it trickling away?

There was a story not long ago in the paper (can't remember which paper) about a modest working man who won the lotto. He said it ruined his life. The friends he had either abandoned him or got nasty when they expected him to give them money or buy them things, and he was attacked in the street by jealous neighbours. He said he was so unhappy he had contemplated suicide.

These are just examples that I can think of for the purposes of discussion. I'm sure there are lots of people who are wealthy and happy. As many to match the ones who aren't. But does money (or the acquisition of it) make for a good enough goal in order to attain happiness?

Giving a dissatisfied person a lot of money - I don't think it would make them any happier. In fact, quite the opposite. What do others think?

@Zaphodsotherhead

Having enough to cover the bills with a little bit left is a recipe for happiness.

There is nothing more miserable than living in a cold house grubbing about for the money to replace broken things.

This

Money might not buy happiness but it does buy less worry.

I do think you just get people who are never happy with their lot, how many posts are there on here for example about people who earn crazy high salaries but claim never to have any money because “it’s not much by London standards” or spend it on school fees etc.

Money isn’t the only source of happiness so it stands to reason that, of course, it may not make you happier if you already have enough.

But if one of the reasons for being unhappy is that you don’t have enough, then more money will absolutely be part of the answer.

Money’s become a bit tighter for us since lockdown. We’re lucky as we can afford to pay the bills etc but I’m really not enjoying having to carefully watch each penny and budget out where everything is going. I also miss having the excess income each month to buy nice clothes, lunches and coffees out, nice bits for the house, takeaways and other treats/luxuries- sounds superficial but having all those things definitely makes me happier!

Money does not make people happy, maybe

But NOT having money definitely makes lots of people very unhappy

You need enough to live on comfortably and safely: I do not believe it's possible to be happy if you don't have enough money to pay your rent or mortgage, or to eat properly. Beyond that, a lot depends on attitude. Some people are just much more inclined towards happiness and contentment than others, and there's also the luck of the draw about whether the things that make you happiest are expensive or not.

Money does not guarantee happiness - depression, anxiety, major accidents, severe illnesses, marriage breakdown etc can affect anyone. But money can make it easier to deal with some of the above is: private healthcare.

However, if you are living beyond your means (whether that is trying to support your family on min wage or maxing out your income on private education) you are going to be stressed and miserable. However much money you have. Again though, those with money could just choose to cut spending on luxuries where those barely surviving have nothing left to cut back - I think many wealthy people just get stuck in a mindset where they can't imagine life without those luxuries (even though that is the reality for most people).

It's a lot easier to be happy sitting in a massive house surrounded by luxuries than it is to be in a two up, two down and struggling to pay the bills.

I would say I am a happier person than my sister. She is rich with a handsome, kind husband, lives in a mansion, doesn’t work but has lots of fulfilling hobbies and friends. I live in a one bedroom flat with my partner (who is not v nice and doesn’t work) and our DD. I do work full time and also have hobbies and friends. She can buy anything she wants, I run out of money at the end of every month. But for some reason, I am always happy and she is often sad. I honestly think it is chemical / physiological. So on that basis I would say money won’t make some people happy. Whilst obviously acknowledging that poverty and deprivation would be awful for everyone.

There are no guarantees in life, but financial security does make it a lot easier to be happy.

I would also say, I think one of the things most conducive to happiness is the ability not to always spend up to your income. Some people obviously are denied this by circumstance: if your income only covers the very basics, you'll be spending up to it, end of story. For those who aren't, if you can tailor your lifestyle so you don't need every penny, that makes a difference. Getting a 10k raise and maybe having a couple of treats but not adjusting your lifestyle upwards so it's all spoken for, that type of thing.

Money doesn’t make you unhappy

Money can buy you security, comfort, choice, freedom and time. But lots of people don't manage it in that way. My job is reasonably well paid so I do it PT. My income is low because I love free time. Most of that free time is spent doing things that cost almost nothing, like walking, reading, writing. When we need extra money for a holiday or expensive nights out I just work longer hours. But immediately notice the build up of stress, the lack of time with DC. Our house is shabby and if I worked FT it could be shiny. I'd love that. But I'd be stressed and wonder how DC are getting on as I'd never see them. The root of happiness and money - once you get past the basics of being above the poverty line - is about making it enable the life you want.

Having the knowledge you don't need to struggle, and can pay bills and live comfortably, I can't see how that wouldn't make you happy. To say money doesn't make you happy is t something I agree with- I think that it can, as it reduces a level of stress- but that also depends how hard you need to work for it. I'd imagine working 80 hour weeks to earn it would decrease your happiness.

Money isn't the answer to happiness but I'd rather be wealthy and miserable than poor and miserable not that I get a choice in that

Anyone that claims money doesn't buy happiness hasn't known the true misery of being on the bones of your arse skint and fearful of the slightest unplanned expense.

Money doesn’t make you unhappy Apparently it can. Once you earn significantly more than most people you struggle with friendships (do they like me or are they hovering hoping I'll foot the bill/offer them a free week at one of my houses?) And worry about what happens to the money (my stocks are down, I'm now worth £8m less than I was yesterday evening. Etc. Then those massive homes involve so much maintenance that there are constantly tradesmen wandering around and rich people get so stressed about being ripped off because they are rich, for basic house maintenance jobs.

Having enough makes you happier. If you don't need to worry about money.

I am like the accounts lady in op. I now work 4 days, but used to work 3 whilst ds's in school. I like my job. The money is enough.

I don't agree that £150k is the level. I overheard a conversation at work : A group were discussing that If you have a household income of £? It made life pleasurable. They decided on £80k. They based this on Dh working in a reasonable job and Dw presumably with kids, party time worker.

It still seemed a bit high to me. But I guess it's about right.

Of course money can make you happier. If I could pay my rent bills and have enough left over for some fun (even if just taking the kids bowling once a week) I would be less stressed & feel better in myself.
I never understand when you hear rich people moaning about their lot.

I'm sure I remember reading that when research had been done, 70k was about the point where happiness stopped increasing. But that was a few years ago so maybe it would be closer to 80k now.

We've gone from being tens of thousands in debt and earning £20k between us to earning six figures with money in saving. Honestly we are happier. For me it's because i found the debt so stressful and being short every month. It made me incredibly anxious. Also owning our own home has made me much happier and more secure. However so many things could have contributed to us being happier - kids getting older, us getting older, our relationship improving over time etc etc. The removal of financial stress is what the money brings. I think it's my relationships that make me happy. When dh first started earning big he worked so much and we weren't in the best place. Now he has more balance and we are very content.

I want another child,we can't afford another child. Since everything else is ok in our lives, more money or a lottery win would make me happier.

Before Christmas our boiler broke ,that cost a significant amount of money. Then boxing day the washing machine completely died. Christmas was already paid for, and I had some savings so both issues got sorted pretty quickly, and while stressful I didn't have to pick between bills/food and sorting those things out.

Anyone that thinks that having money doesn't at least make life easier if not happier they're either lying to themselves or romanticising poverty while having more than enough themselves.

Money is just a means to gain resources. Having more resources available allows for more options. For people who find it difficult to make decisions personally (even if theyre good at it professionally), more options can cause greater anxiety. Too much choice. It also can mean they dont appreciate the choice they make because they worry if they made the right choice.

Someone who has a wardrobe full of clothes can still feel like they have nothing to wear or they can look at all the clothes and have no idea how to put it all together and when they make a decision...waste the day or night remembering why they havent worn that particular pair of shoes for a year.

Money doesnt make you happier. Having the ability to best utilise the resources you have is a better thing to have...also beinh able to recognise opportunities and making decisions with full commitment.

Then it doesnt matter how much money you have. If you have minimal resources youll beable to see opportunity and take it and commit to a path of action.

Money makes me happy! I go to a yoga class that I like even though there are cheaper ones. I enjoy that luxury. We can afford holidays (albeit cheaper ones and I am struggling a bit now we’re limited to the school holidays, but we can still afford something). I live holidays and they’re an important part of my reset function!

I remember that awful lurch feeling when a bill comes through and you have no money to pay for it. Now they’re all on direct debit, and I am totally ambivalent (I don’t even know) if the accounts are in credit or debit. It doesn’t matter. I know I can afford to pay them.

Also money gives you flexibility. I left my job several years ago for something less stable. I trusted that I’d be OK.

Most of us believe we’re limited in some way - time, money, etc. Breaking out of the cycle of that to be more in the moment is one of the tricks of life. It’s a damn sight easier if you haven’t got a big worry like an unachievable rent payment.

I think, as pp, that your £16k example isn’t representative.

Scenario 1 she is single and has no children. She has somehow found a place to live that has fantastically low bills and rent, and has Cheap/free fulfilling hobbies she pursued on her free days, and she doesn’t desire any exotic travel. In this case she is genuinely happy with her lot and does not desire more money. Wonderful! However highly unlikely even if you live in a fantastically cheap part of the country.

Scenario 2 she has/hasn’t children to provide for but she also has a partner who has an equal or greater income to add to hers. This gives her the luxury to be “satisfied” with a lower income, whilst still being able to provide for herself/family. She is mot satisfied with £16k in reality though, she is satisfied with the £30k or so family income.

Scenario 3 she is a single parent unable to up her hours due to childcare commitments. If she was able to take on greater hours, i can’t imagine anyone on only £16k not doing so even if they “never wanted to” in order to provide their children a high standard of living. £16k would not cover a more-than-1-bedroom accommodation, bills, food, clothes, activities for 1 child easily let alone more.

So either she has additional income, or she is the luckiest person in England, or she is lying. She is not really representative of “we can all be happy on £16k if we tried.”