Money doesn't make you any happier

[Iris101]

AIBU to think this? Sarcastic replies accepted but........

I work with a guy who is on big bucks. He's never happy, because he uses all his money to fund an expensive lifestyle for himself and his kids including fee-paying school. He and his DW nearly split up two years ago - he admitted it was because they worried about how to meet all their bills/continue funding their lifestyle, and all they ever talked (argued) about in the evening was money.

I also work with a woman who is a part-time assistant in a Finance Team. She has three kids/married and earns about £16,000 pa. Comparatively, she is very happy. I asked her once why she didn't go for a promotion, and she just replied "I didn't want it. I never wanted it." She seems happy with her lot. Genuinely happy. She never talks about money as a problem. Whereas people who earn a lot, do.

I've met various people through the course of my working life who are big earners, and they all have something in common - money-related trauma, whatever shape that takes, it's there, lurking under the surface. One boss said to me once, "Money goes in, money goes out." He also worried endlessly about letting money go; it was a painful experience for him that he was constantly bugged for funding. And it showed on his face. He was miserable.

Now of course it's clear that to attain a certain level of comfort, you need to have enough money to meet your basic needs. But various studies over the years have shown that beyond this baseline, excessive levels of wealth have relatively low impact on an individual's state of happiness. Does money actually begin to lose it's value after a certain point? Once you've got enough money to buy whatever you want, does your wealth become meaningless? And once you've attained a state of wealth, do you just worry about it trickling away?

There was a story not long ago in the paper (can't remember which paper) about a modest working man who won the lotto. He said it ruined his life. The friends he had either abandoned him or got nasty when they expected him to give them money or buy them things, and he was attacked in the street by jealous neighbours. He said he was so unhappy he had contemplated suicide.

These are just examples that I can think of for the purposes of discussion. I'm sure there are lots of people who are wealthy and happy. As many to match the ones who aren't. But does money (or the acquisition of it) make for a good enough goal in order to attain happiness?

Giving a dissatisfied person a lot of money - I don't think it would make them any happier. In fact, quite the opposite. What do others think?

I think some people who have money still live beyond their means so it makes them unhappy.
I like to have more but I would not be silly with it xxxx
I'd like to think I'd be very happy. X

It certainly doesn’t make lonely people happier. I work with the elderly and some are very wealthy but have literally no one to talk to all day, every day. It’s so sad.

It makes life easier eg bills etc. It makes me happier when 8 can save and have all my bills paid to.

I agree with your OP. Had a household income of 6 figures with my ex, through his money mismanagement that I didn’t know about we missed mortgage payments, I went to buy nursing bras the day after payday and my card was declined. There was constant issues with cash flow from the business,and my ex overspending because he knew there would be another payment coming in soon.
When we split I was on unpaid maternity leave and living on benefits, paying a sizeable mortgage by myself while he pissed up the wal anything we had left to our name. But I was so much happier poorer, still am, my partner is on a pittance as a TA and my only income is student finance and I’m 1000x happier now with less than a 5th of the income available to me 6-10 years ago.

Depends what it's used for really. I earn a ridiculously high salary but can honestly say it is a byproduct of a job I really love and the bit about having money that makes me happy is financial freedom. I think it's just the reassurance that it's there but I have never been a big spender and if it all went tomorrow as long as I had my loved ones and the man in my life I would consider myself wealthy. I imagine if you aren't in the right relationship or the money you earn is being used to fill a void then yes it would definitely become a source of unhappiness. It must feel like a forever unsatisfying sum.

Anyone fed up of money but making them happier I'll relieve you of the burden.

Anyone who grew up in poverty, like me, will happily take the problem if money away from you.

Bank details to follow.

Turn it on its head. If you don't have enough money for your accommodation, food, gas, electricity and constantly worry about where the next penny is coming from it will most likely make you miserable.other people who are miserable are often people who are lonely, possibly no family or friends and totally alone in life. I think a serious lack of money can make you miserable but sometimes all the money in the world can't make you happy.

I have three major problems which winning the lottery wouldn't solve. So I know money wouldn't make me happier. Not that I'm unhappy now. I live a very modest life but I'm very content and know there are a lot worse off than me.

But if you have enough to buy a place with out a mortgage, own your car outright and have enough to mean you don't have to work and can do what you want when you want then it would not maybe make you automatically happy but you would have freedom

I've never had much of it, despite working hard and my parents were the same. However, a wee bit more, say another £15k a year would be rather nice. It would make a.massive difference to my life at present and my children's future. Being skint is rubbish.

Money does not make you happier.
It does make things easier obvs. That ‘easier’ can translate into ‘happier’/less stressed/more fulfilled because more opportunities or whatever.
I’d say it is correlative not causative.

The reason why money is important is money gives you options and options give you freedom.

Aka imagine I am a woman with three children in an abusive relationship. If I have money, I have the option of taking my kids and renting my own place. If I dont have money, I'm stuck.

There's a family emergency, I need to get on a flight tomorrow. The problem is last minute tickets are £1,000. If I have money, I can go with peace of mind.

I lose my job during an economic crisis. If I have money and have saved, I have enough to the side to take a 6 month breather.

If I have money I have choice.

Personally I make £50k, I'm self employed so it can be a little more or a little less but always around that. I don't see myself ever making a huge amount more than that. That's enough for me to feel like I have some choice, without me being "loaded". Personally I think it's the sweet spot. If I made more (knowing me) I would just spend more and my tastes would become pricier.

I would like more money to be able to:

• buy a house with small garden where my children will not have to share a room and where we can have a study where my husband can keep all his junk (and another bathroom, please another bathroom)

• buy a car so we can go on a family trip somewhere where there is no public transport to

• have a lunch at the restaurant Sunday afternoon after park so I don't have to cook and clean every day

• have a weekend away without planning and saving for a year

• same with the trips

• to have a cleaner once a week who will do all those jobs I hate

I'm very happy at the moment, but money would make my life much nicer and comfortable. So, if somebody has a little bit extra that makes him miserable....

I grew up very poor. I got to go to a top tier uni, have a career and married a man from a very wealthy family.
I was happy when I was growing up poor as I didn’t know any better and had a loving family. I realised how hard my parents worked for not enough when I was a teenager and did my best to improve my situation.
I’m very happy now because I don’t have to worry about money, where to live, where to holiday or if can help family and childhood friends in tight situations.
Money doesn’t keep me up at night like it used to.
But I was always a glass-half-full person.

A quote from Charles Dickens. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen and six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery.”28

@sandgrown

A quote from Charles Dickens. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen and six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery.”28

Reductive and ignorant to circumstance

I don't agree. It the choices you make that would make you unhappy. When you are poor you simply have less choices and sometimes that can force you to be more content with your lot. Extreme poverty is never fun though.

If I have the money, I would able to spend money on my son's health treatment and schooling. Since I don't have the money for both, we are very unhappy. Money can definitely buy us happiness.

It depends. As a parent of a disabled child money makes me a lot happier. It is used to buy us respite care, therapies and so on. I think the personal situation of the individual and how the money is used is key.

Money does not necessarily make you happier although it does mean you can be miserable with a greater degree of comfort.

I have a cousin who has gone from having little money to having a lot and then back again. He says that whatever you earn your expenditure will increase to meet it and also with regard to spending that you can never have enough of what you don't need.

Haven't RTFT so possibly repeating what others have said -

Some years ago I saw an article written by a financial advisor with a background in psychology, who had something of a specialism in advising people who had had large unexpected windfalls. Apparently 80% of them blow the lot within five years. They are often ridiculed as stupid or selfish. I expect it's because they can't explain why they behaved so irrationally.

The author of the article believed it was because they couldn't make the huge adjustment and deep down wanted to return to what they were used to. A sudden injection of cash often separates people from their family and friends. I suppose you get folks trying to sponge off you and random people hitting you up for cash. If you start living a different lifestyle, it must be awkward. When you go out for a meal, who pays? What if you want to take your friends somewhere they could never afford? What if you want to go on holiday with your family, but they can't afford to pay their share of the type of holiday you want? And what if you start employing staff - a cleaner, a cook, a nanny - when you haven't grown up feeling comfortable with that sort of relationship? Personally I love the idea of someone doing all my work for me while I relax, but I'd also feel guilty they were working while I put my feet up.

Anyway, this author reckoned that most people can easily adjust to a step up in their standard of living, but not to a huge change. So for example if you've always rented but couldn't afford to buy, you'd be fine with a windfall which enabled you to buy a similar sort of house to what you already lived in. Somebody in a two-bedroom terraced house can adapt happily to living in a three-bed semi. DH used to play the lottery and I actively hoped he wouldn't have a huge win. I could happily win £100k, but not a million. I would worry too much what to do with it.

I know you were talking in more general terms than just windfalls, so this may not be totally relevant to your topic. I imagine people who have grown up with money might understand better how to live with it.

Pop a few million into my bank account and I'll let you know in a few months if it's made me happy or not.

The real lottery of life is being born glass half full or glass half empty.

How true. I agree with the studies. Essentially I think we have sort of happiness baseline that we revert to.

Imo money makes you happy by reducing worry, and increasing opportunity (even if it's merely the opportunity to eat out or buy a nice pair of shoes without counting the pennies).

The people I know who are very money-oriented, who talk about it constantly, who regularly announce how much their new extension costs or their holiday, tend to be, in my experience, more anxious. It seems like they need to remind people of their monetary value all the time. Most of these people grew up in some level of poverty and are now doing very well financially through either hard work, luck or marriage. But the feeling of being poor, and perhaps being "worth less" has never been shaken off. My more "middle class" friends (for want of a better phrase) who may be lower earners, but still doing fine (£30k income ish) tend to just bumble through paying the bills and not blathering on about how much money they have. They seem less anxious, more content with life.

I would be happier if I had more money.
I think those who say money does being you happiness are missing the point.
Like others have said, send it my way if it causes you so much distress.