to go out of way not to say happy birthday

[Mella91]

Dear god, I hope the title makes sense. I have moaned about this friend before so I guess I deserve this but..

My birthday was last week. My close friends (who is also my colleague) sons birthday is the next day and each year we have a discussion on how we will each celebrate our birthday - so she knows the exact date of my birthday.

Me her and he DS who is aged 8 was talking about our birthdays the evening before my birthday. I wanted to bake a sugarfree cake so that DS can join us in eating the cake so I posted stories about how I made it the night before. Went to work in morning and everyone said happy birthday. Friend was sat there and comletely ignored this. Came home and started to decorate my birthday cake and added stories of the process which she viewed each one. Still no happy birthdays. Eventually I added the final result of cake and she commented with 'claps' which I replied Happy birthday to me and she replied with yes happy birthday.

Now this isn't a simple matter of not saying happy birthday this is basically going out of your way to not say happy birthday to a close friend!
I have to say she is a pretty good friend, always helping out and we do have our good times at work and outside but we have had issues of jealousy before which she admitted to once.

Am I being unreasonable to let this annoy me?

She doesn’t sound like a happy person.

That said, I can’t imagine why anyone would want to look at updates of you baking a cake unless you are an amazing/professional baker?

Just forget it. It isn’t worth your thought time.

Having a meal in a restaurant with your friend the night before your birthday sounds like she joined you to celebrate your birthday?

I think considering she told you she has issues, AND she told you the reason why, you’re being really unfair by slagging her off when those issues come to life. You don’t seem much of a friend.

She could have said happy birthday but you're making way to big a deal about this IMHO

Forget about it and find something to do

@kutess I was defo misinformed on that front. Would we still consider them 'refined sugar free' then?

"Our weaning journey" YABU
And no one cares about adults birthdays.

Could it be that your friend feels you're being a bit evangelical about sugar/weaning journeys/learning journeys and has muted you a bit as a result?
One of my friends has found religion with veganism and feels the need to preach to everyone about it on a regular basis. I scroll on by on these posts and get back to 'liking and commenting' on her family/funny stuff.
The other thing could be that when I had my DS, he was the most precious thing in the world to me, but I think I was boring as fuck about him. I calmed down a bit when I realised although he is my world, he wasn't to everyone else!
Happy Birthday!

Honey is not refined sugar free is it? I view as a sugar equivalent. But perhaps the raw honey is the difference there, apologies if so. It's a lot of hard work doing the refined free options so personally, also PFB way back, I just let fruit be his natural sugars and then the odd cake, icecream etc after 18m or so I just let go. It does sound like you laboured the birthday point with her in the end but equally it is odd she didn't say HB on the day.

Honestly op, I don't know why you care so much about the definition of the sugar in your cakes.

For what it's worth all of my baking would be "refined sugar free" because I use unrefined sugar. It's still sugar, just with a better flavour and slightly more expensive than white sugar.

@Eaumyword well to be honest I don't harp on and on about sugar free. I do post lots of recipes about them and exchange with parents though.

There are things I can go on and on about such as BLW but sugar free isn't one of them.

But I still wouldnt rule this out.. She could be bored from the posts

@Heygirlheyboy I do only use raw honey and I assume that is refined sugar free and if it isn't then I have learnt something new..

Yes he has lots of meat, fruit, veg, carbs and dairy. And for the occasional treats of muffins or cakes I opt for refined sugar free options and will continue doing so as it is still better than white sugar be it sugar or not.

He also does very very occasionally (rare) have junk..

@NiceandCalm

Well I totally understood what the OP means. YANBU - she was very childish and obviously has issues. I'd just feel sorry for her tbh. Maybe you could go out of your way to praise or compliment her more often to boost her confidence - apologies if you do this already and it isn't working. I

I feel very sorry for her too. I actually always do this and will continue doing this. Hopefully one day she will learn she is worth way more than what her parents and in laws see her as.

I don't harp on and on about sugar free.

Have to say OP that that's not the impression anyone would get from reading this thread. Why did you even have to mention that it's 'sugar free'? Why not just pay you'd made a cake?

While we are here, I will also say that the whole nutritionist thing is another bug bear of mine. You mentioned getting advice from one earlier in the thread. You do know that anyone could call themselves a nutritionist and give out inaccurate advice to people? It's dieticians that are trained in what constitutes a balanced, healthy diet.

Yes, it depends how her interests and issues align with yours.
For example, I'm a bit chubby. My self esteem isn't great and if a friend kept posting about sugar free cake recipes, I might project that onto myself and think, oh no, is that meant for me and go quiet!
My vegan friend insists on telling her social media friendship group we are all murdering bastards for eating dairy and meat. I do roll my eyes at that because she should live her life as she wants, but not attempt to convert others through posting pics of dead animals and whatnot. It's weird because she's lovely, but doesn't understand how offputting she can be on this particular matter.
Not saying this is you of course, just saying why I swerve this particular friend at times.
I'd honestly not overthink it too much.

@PullTheBricksDown because I bake cakes often and I wouldn't post about them.

@knittingaddict we call them nutritionists here - they work in hospitals and give advice on eating - which I have to consult as part of my work. A dietitian here is someone you would visit if you wanted to gain or lose weight.

@Eaumyword ahhhh this can be the case and I hope so. She is not overweight in the slightest however I don't know how she feels about her weight. I hope this isn't the issue as the last thing I would want to do is upset her over her weight or eating.

Honestly even reading your posts stresses me out. I suspect your friend is finding you hard work.

@Hopeisathingwithfeathers dear god. You do stress out easy.

Thanks for proving my point.

@Hopeisathingwithfeathers no problem!

Why not use unrefined cane sugar? It is plant based so meets your criteria. Chemically sugar is sugar. As for fruit the acid content is just as damaging for teeth. Vegetables are much better, that way you are avoiding a high sugar diet and discouraging him from developing a sweet tooth.
I didn’t give DS any sweet foods early on ( grandma used to sneak a small amount of chocolate) he rarely ate biscuits and cakes preferring much healthier whole foods. He is still a savoury soul and if he does choose sweet food it is usually chocolate. His favourite pudding is apple pie which if you have ever made it has very little added refined sugar.

[quote Mella91]@PullTheBricksDown because I bake cakes often and I wouldn't post about them.

@knittingaddict we call them nutritionists here - they work in hospitals and give advice on eating - which I have to consult as part of my work. A dietitian here is someone you would visit if you wanted to gain or lose weight.

@Eaumyword ahhhh this can be the case and I hope so. She is not overweight in the slightest however I don't know how she feels about her weight. I hope this isn't the issue as the last thing I would want to do is upset her over her weight or eating.[/quote]
That may be, but your nutritionist said this A nutritionist I spoke to always defended the use of coconut sugar, agave, maple and honey which has completely baffled me now. Sounds more nutritionist than dietician in UK terms than a properly trained professional.

A nutritionist I spoke to always defended the use of coconut sugar, agave, maple and honey which has completely baffled me now.

Is your friend a native of the country you are in?
Because maybe she's getting tired of your "holier then thou" attitude. You've already stated that all they do is eat junk there and the kids have rotting teeth. I dont know what country you are in but you definitely give off a vibe that you are FAR better then the people who are from that country.

@YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer yes some of the parents here don't bother with sending a packed lunch and allow their kids to eat from the cafeteria for lunch which only has junk food. And yes the majority of the children here have rotten teeth as their parents believe there is no need to brush their teeth as they believe 'their baby teeth will all fall of and they shouldn't waste time caring for them' even though I have mentioned to them this isn't the case and that they should brush twice a day minimum.

You need to read properly. I mentioned this upset me - I never mentioned I am above them. It seems you have some issues? Maybe you feel inferior to others? You give me that sort of vibe :)