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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go out of way not to say happy birthday

201 replies

Mella91 · 17/10/2020 12:24

Dear god, I hope the title makes sense. I have moaned about this friend before so I guess I deserve this but..

My birthday was last week. My close friends (who is also my colleague) sons birthday is the next day and each year we have a discussion on how we will each celebrate our birthday - so she knows the exact date of my birthday.

Me her and he DS who is aged 8 was talking about our birthdays the evening before my birthday. I wanted to bake a sugarfree cake so that DS can join us in eating the cake so I posted stories about how I made it the night before. Went to work in morning and everyone said happy birthday. Friend was sat there and comletely ignored this. Came home and started to decorate my birthday cake and added stories of the process which she viewed each one. Still no happy birthdays. Eventually I added the final result of cake and she commented with 'claps' which I replied Happy birthday to me and she replied with yes happy birthday.

Now this isn't a simple matter of not saying happy birthday this is basically going out of your way to not say happy birthday to a close friend!
I have to say she is a pretty good friend, always helping out and we do have our good times at work and outside but we have had issues of jealousy before which she admitted to once.

Am I being unreasonable to let this annoy me?

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 17/10/2020 13:22

Is it possible she thought she had already said it in person or even already sais it by social media.

Original poster
Mella91 · 17/10/2020 13:24

@QuestionableMouse

Sugar free cake sounds like am abomination. Yabu for that alone.
Oh dear Smile it actually all started out of curiosity but ended up delicious! I would defo recommend you give it a go
OP posts:
SquashedSpring · 17/10/2020 13:25

Not everyone is into the birthday thing. I don't celebrate mine, I never told anyone at work when it is and in my circle of friends no one particularly knows or remembers when each others birthdays are.

My Gran had a friend who would get really upset if anyone said happy birthday to her, I don't know what had gone on in her past, but birthdays were clearly something that she found very difficult.

If adult birthdays aren't a thing in the country you're living in, maybe your friend just felt that this would be the year she wouldn't join in with it all.

SquashedSpring · 17/10/2020 13:26

PS I like sugar free cake.

Original poster
Mella91 · 17/10/2020 13:27

@Lifeisforalimitedperiodonly

Considering she's supposed to be your friend, I think she was bloody rude not to wish you a Happy Birthday! She doesn't have to comment on your cake etc (and maybe you did update too much on something that wasn't of interest to her etc) but who doesn't say Happy Birthday to a friend?
Yes. I don't expect her to be interested in my posts too which I mentioned over and over. It was simply not saying happy birthday when she knew 100% it was my birthday.

But as others have mentioned it could be that she thought she had already said it..

OP posts:
kutess · 17/10/2020 13:28

I'm curious about the sugar free cake? Is it just milk butter flour and eggs? That sounds awful...

jessstan1 · 17/10/2020 13:28

I wonder if she just got a bit fed up with it all; overload. I'm sorry you were disappointed.

Is your friend's son diabetic? I know sugar should be limited but most people don't mind a bit of cake occasionally.

Hope today is better for you. Happy birthday!

GabsAlot · 17/10/2020 13:29

people are focising too much on the cake posts

the op was in work and she still didnt say happy birthday and admits she gets jealous

Original poster
Mella91 · 17/10/2020 13:30

@SquashedSpring in this country adult birthdays are not a thing at all however we do each celebrate each others birthdays and even at times (rare though) get a cake all together for the birthday girl/boy and enjoy a slice together in the teachers room.

Oh it was delicious :) I took the leftovers to work the next day and everyone was surprised at how good it tasted and even said it tasted better than store brought.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mella91 · 17/10/2020 13:33

@kutess well actually I used a normal sponge recipe but replaced the sugar with coconut sugar and then made the frosting with date paste and raw honey. So the cake was completely sweet tasting but 'refined sugar free'

OP posts:
Original poster
Mella91 · 17/10/2020 13:33

@GabsAlot

people are focising too much on the cake posts

the op was in work and she still didnt say happy birthday and admits she gets jealous

YES!
OP posts:
Original poster
Mella91 · 17/10/2020 13:35

@jessstan1 Thank you :)

No the cake was made for my own birthday so that my DS (18 months) can enjoy with us. Since our weaning journey I have made lots of sugar free recipes and for me this was a small challenge I wanted to take on and post. I am very glad I did as it tasted amazing :)

I have started giving DS the occasional sugary snack (very rare) however like I said I wanted to try something new.

OP posts:
Scweltish · 17/10/2020 13:37

You’re coming across as extremely irritating op.

Anydreamwilldo12 · 17/10/2020 13:39

I don't think yabu. From what you've said it sounds like she doesn't like anyone getting any positive attention. She's a bitter person and you just have to remind yourself that is the way she is and she will never change.
I wouldn't give her negative and quite nasty attitude any more thought. Let her crack on with it.

SunnyCoco · 17/10/2020 13:42

I feel like I'm fed up of your birthday too 😉

AnnaMagnani · 17/10/2020 13:43

I honestly need to know more about the sugar free cake in order to have an opinion.

Was it actually sugar-free AKA vile?
Or did it have sweetener or just sugar-in-another-form like honey?

I feel the Mumsnet jury needs to know.

AnnaMagnani · 17/10/2020 13:44

I honestly need to know more about the sugar free cake in order to have an opinion.

Was it actually sugar-free AKA vile?
Or did it have sweetener or just sugar-in-another-form like honey?

I feel the Mumsnet jury needs to know.

Original poster
Mella91 · 17/10/2020 13:44

@SunnyCoco that really made me laugh Grin well I do apparently go on and on about my birthday which is defo the case as I am sat here past hour whining about it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! I am 29!! Wooooo! Wine

OP posts:
billybagpuss · 17/10/2020 13:45

I think you need to lower your expectations where she’s concerned, she sounds like she struggles with other people having attention or achieving things. So if she brings value to your life, just accept that’s the way it is and let it go.

I think you were petty forcing it out of her though but I guess next time point has been made so she’ll either act normal and wish you hb or just know that you know she’s being petty and stubborn 🤷🏼‍♀️

Original poster
Mella91 · 17/10/2020 13:48

@Anydreamwilldo12

I don't think yabu. From what you've said it sounds like she doesn't like anyone getting any positive attention. She's a bitter person and you just have to remind yourself that is the way she is and she will never change. I wouldn't give her negative and quite nasty attitude any more thought. Let her crack on with it.
Yes, we have had issues about this before where she comments on other peoples looks which I hate! Discussing someones character is one thing but mocking their physical looks is horrid! She usually doesn't like the attention on others and will start talking very loud, singing and doing bizarre things to attract more attention HOWEVER she has had a very rough life so I do try to understand her but sometimes her behaviour does get me down.

She can be very nice too. After DS I had a small round of depression and I will never forget her going out of her way to cheer me up. A co-worker summed her up perfectly 'she will be there for the rough and help you out but when you are happy, successful or doing better than her she will dislike it and not want to hear about it'

OP posts:
Original poster
Mella91 · 17/10/2020 13:49

@billybagpuss

I think you need to lower your expectations where she’s concerned, she sounds like she struggles with other people having attention or achieving things. So if she brings value to your life, just accept that’s the way it is and let it go.

I think you were petty forcing it out of her though but I guess next time point has been made so she’ll either act normal and wish you hb or just know that you know she’s being petty and stubborn 🤷🏼‍♀️

Yup.. I am aware I was being petty by forcing it out of her. It just annoyed me that she purposefully wouldn't say happy birthday.

See I can 100% see when I am wrong.

OP posts:
emilyfrost · 17/10/2020 13:51

I think YABU and overthinking.

Also, why are you forcing your child to be sugar free? I see you’ve said in a subsequent post he’s starting to have little bits, but why would you even consider him being fully or even a little bit sugar free? Confused

KiposWonderbeasts · 17/10/2020 13:56

You aren't half banging on about it, though. It's your birthday, you haven't won a Nobel Prize, fgs.

I mean, you've baked yourself a cake, posted a week later on MN on such a tiny thing, so your birthday is clearly a massive thing in your mind. It's not in other people's.

Original poster
Mella91 · 17/10/2020 13:57

@AnnaMagnani I can give you the full detailed recipe if you are interested? I defo do recommend it - it was amazing.

So I looked online for a classic sponge cake recipe. I used the one with the most positive reviews. I replaced the sugar in the recipe for coconut sugar which is a 1:1 ratio which works perfect. So if recipe asks for 3 cups of sugar you add 3 cups of coconut sugar. I made 4 sponges to stack on top of each other. I also added 2 huge tablespoons of date paste into the sponge mix - which is extremely sweet.

Once the sponge is cooked (so delicious as it is and smells heavenly) I made the frosting. Again I looked online for sugar free frosting and found one with butter, raw honey and vanilla. I made extra frosting and covered each layer with frosting and added sweet fruits in between each layer. Then covered the cake with frosting all over and decorated with fruits on top.

Do try the recipe out. I took the leftovers to work and EVERYONE loved it and said it tasted much better then normal cake.

OP posts:
emilyfrost · 17/10/2020 13:59

I took the leftovers to work and EVERYONE loved it and said it tasted much better then normal cake.

Nobody is that much of a bitch that they’re going to tell you your cake is awful though, OP. Of course they’ll say they love it, it’s just polite.

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