to go out of way not to say happy birthday

[Mella91]

Dear god, I hope the title makes sense. I have moaned about this friend before so I guess I deserve this but..

My birthday was last week. My close friends (who is also my colleague) sons birthday is the next day and each year we have a discussion on how we will each celebrate our birthday - so she knows the exact date of my birthday.

Me her and he DS who is aged 8 was talking about our birthdays the evening before my birthday. I wanted to bake a sugarfree cake so that DS can join us in eating the cake so I posted stories about how I made it the night before. Went to work in morning and everyone said happy birthday. Friend was sat there and comletely ignored this. Came home and started to decorate my birthday cake and added stories of the process which she viewed each one. Still no happy birthdays. Eventually I added the final result of cake and she commented with 'claps' which I replied Happy birthday to me and she replied with yes happy birthday.

Now this isn't a simple matter of not saying happy birthday this is basically going out of your way to not say happy birthday to a close friend!
I have to say she is a pretty good friend, always helping out and we do have our good times at work and outside but we have had issues of jealousy before which she admitted to once.

Am I being unreasonable to let this annoy me?

You've said "Here birthdays for adults is completely odd, for me I don't make a big deal of my birthday too." But you ARE making a big deal out of your birthday. That's exactly what you're doing. She didn't ignore it, or the cake, completely. Both were acknowledged, just not as speedily or enthusiastically as you wanted them to be.

Most adults really don't make a big deal of their birthdays. Mine barely registers. It's a big deal for children. The excitement was over the 8 year old's birthday and rightly so.

she seems bitter op, leave her to it,

@KiposWonderbeasts

You aren't half banging on about it, though. It's your birthday, you haven't won a Nobel Prize, fgs.

I mean, you've baked yourself a cake, posted a week later on MN on such a tiny thing, so your birthday is clearly a massive thing in your mind. It's not in other people's.

Home made cake is generally better than factory made. Well done you.

I may be missing something here but your disappointment seems a lot of fuss about not very much. Not very 'grown up'. At least you are able to go to work and mix with people, most of us can't at the moment!

i make a deal out of my birthday!
we go for a meal,
i have presents
and a cake

@emilyfrost

I think YABU and overthinking.

Also, why are you forcing your child to be sugar free? I see you’ve said in a subsequent post he’s starting to have little bits, but why would you even consider him being fully or even a little bit sugar free?

Well thats a whole other topic but I just want the best for my child and for me healthy eating is a step - keep in mind he is 18 months and shouldn't be having sugar until aged 2 anyways.

Its not like he is missing out on cakes and treats. He has donuts, muffins and cookies. He just has homemade treats which all taste sweet (without refined sugar) and are nutritious for him.

There will come a time when he will want junk and fast food etc but until then I want him to appreciate and taste good food as much as he can.

He has started to have occasional junk - a biscuit here and there although rare.

It does sound lovely - but if you have made it with coconut sugar, date paste and honey it's choc ful of sugar

It's a different sort of sugar but it's still sugar. Don't go kidding yourself that it doesn't rot your teeth, make you fat and that it contains the same calories as lettuce.

[quote Mella91]@jessstan1 Thank you :)

No the cake was made for my own birthday so that my DS (18 months) can enjoy with us. Since our weaning journey I have made lots of sugar free recipes and for me this was a small challenge I wanted to take on and post. I am very glad I did as it tasted amazing :)

I have started giving DS the occasional sugary snack (very rare) however like I said I wanted to try something new.[/quote]
Weaning journey ?!

@AnnaMagnani yes 'refined sugar free' and filled with loads of health benefits to from my research. And much much much much better than white cane sugar. No competition there.

However if don't think so I will be very interested to learn more. I only started sugar free for DS and am still learning about healthy eating and nutrition.

Before DS, DH and I would eat out every-night and on lazy days we would order it. I am on a big journey change and learning so I will appreciate any information on the topic.

I think your answer is in her neglected childhood. She maybe isn´t used to birthday celebrations and finds it hard to know how to act. I sometimes get like this myself for this reason. When you haven´t had the example, sometimes it can feel really hard to know when to say something or how to say it. Even if it is not a big deal.

Your “healthy eating habits” are not healthy; you’re forcing a view on him that sugar is just junk and bad, bad, bad and that leads to food issues later down the line.

You should be teaching him everything in moderation, because it’s important children know how to moderate their food, not just be banned from certain things.

@AnnaMagnani

'Don't go kidding yourself that it doesn't rot your teeth, make you fat and that it contains the same calories as lettuce'

He is an 18 month old and he is not on a low calorie diet :) I am fully aware that honey and sugar have around the same calorific intake. My issue is that honey is the healthier option

@emilyfrost I posted twice that he has the occasional junk. That there is moderation.

Her behaviour is a reflection of how she views herself, not how she views you.

This is a ginormous non issue. Get on with eating the famous via Insta cake and feel happy as you savour they sugar free taste.

@sonjadog I think so too. She always mentions that her parents only cared for their sons and the elder daughter and not for her. She even mentioned that her son gets no attention from her parents yet her parents spoil and love the other grandchildren. What is worse is even her in-laws are the same apparently. She says her in-laws rarely call them or ask about their grandson.

At times I feel bad for her but then sometimes I think having a rough life shouldn't equate to not being a nice person. This is a long complex topic which I have very little understanding off. Maybe if I research more on how our childhood effects us I may be able to understand her more.

Can I have the recipe please OP?

Why do you have to post stuff about making a cake, or even get uptight about this happy birthday issue.

YABU just for the posting of every step of the cake making with added stories of the process 😂

@SayWhatNowNow I will message you with link and recipe asap

Dentist here, and totally missing the point of the thread I know!
Op your cake sounds amazing. However it's loaded with sugar. Ok, so maybe not refined sugar in the form of caster sugar or what have you, but sugar none the less, and equally damaging to teeth.
Just be careful when you call something sugar free in a public post, as it clearly isn't. Also date paste is about 60% sugar, sometimes it's added to the paste to help take away the tart taste, and as it's sticky, in its pure form it can stick to the fissures of primary molars and cause similar damage as raisins and other dried fruit.

‘Coconut sugar contains small amounts of minerals, antioxidants and fiber. However, its high sugar content outweighs any potential benefits.’
It is still sugar but with a very small amount of extra nutrition. So you cannot claim your cake is sugar free. Same calories, same taste and although very slightly lower glycemic value still a Farley simple carbohydrate.
As for the birthday issue, you’ve already said birthdays are not a thing where you are. Maybe she just thinks your a bit odd.

[quote Mella91]@kutess well actually I used a normal sponge recipe but replaced the sugar with coconut sugar and then made the frosting with date paste and raw honey. So the cake was completely sweet tasting but 'refined sugar free'[/quote]
So not sugar free at all then

@kutess

Dentist here, and totally missing the point of the thread I know! Op your cake sounds amazing. However it's loaded with sugar. Ok, so maybe not refined sugar in the form of caster sugar or what have you, but sugar none the less, and equally damaging to teeth. Just be careful when you call something sugar free in a public post, as it clearly isn't. Also date paste is about 60% sugar, sometimes it's added to the paste to help take away the tart taste, and as it's sticky, in its pure form it can stick to the fissures of primary molars and cause similar damage as raisins and other dried fruit.

Oh dear.. I did gorget to mention 'refined sugar free' in first post.

I understand the teeth part but the only reason I don't use cane sugar much for baby is because of the added benefits of date paste honey maple syrup etc?

or would you say these added benefits are not important and that you suggest I use normal cane sugar instead??

I am curious and would like to learn more..

Hi kutess I’m a dentist too. Really pisses me off when people claim to be feeding their children a ‘healthy’ diet but using ‘natural’ dried fruit as snacks etc.
It’s time that all foods with sugar are labelled with a warning regarding tooth decay in the same way cigarettes have photos of lung disease on them.

All sugars cause dental decay. Doesn’t matter where they are sourced they all contain sucrose/fructose/dextrose/glucose that plaque bacteria can metabolise and cause huge cavities in your child’s mouth.