to go out of way not to say happy birthday

[Mella91]

Dear god, I hope the title makes sense. I have moaned about this friend before so I guess I deserve this but..

My birthday was last week. My close friends (who is also my colleague) sons birthday is the next day and each year we have a discussion on how we will each celebrate our birthday - so she knows the exact date of my birthday.

Me her and he DS who is aged 8 was talking about our birthdays the evening before my birthday. I wanted to bake a sugarfree cake so that DS can join us in eating the cake so I posted stories about how I made it the night before. Went to work in morning and everyone said happy birthday. Friend was sat there and comletely ignored this. Came home and started to decorate my birthday cake and added stories of the process which she viewed each one. Still no happy birthdays. Eventually I added the final result of cake and she commented with 'claps' which I replied Happy birthday to me and she replied with yes happy birthday.

Now this isn't a simple matter of not saying happy birthday this is basically going out of your way to not say happy birthday to a close friend!
I have to say she is a pretty good friend, always helping out and we do have our good times at work and outside but we have had issues of jealousy before which she admitted to once.

Am I being unreasonable to let this annoy me?

@Angrymum22

‘Coconut sugar contains small amounts of minerals, antioxidants and fiber. However, its high sugar content outweighs any potential benefits.’ It is still sugar but with a very small amount of extra nutrition. So you cannot claim your cake is sugar free. Same calories, same taste and although very slightly lower glycemic value still a Farley simple carbohydrate. As for the birthday issue, you’ve already said birthdays are not a thing where you are. Maybe she just thinks your a bit odd.

The calorie part doesn't bother me as my baby is not on a low calorie diet. The only reason I omitted white sugar and used 'healthy alternatives' is for the added benefits and nutrition which I am now surprised to learn isn't the case???

I am open to learning and will research this more. A nutritionist I spoke to always defended the use of coconut sugar, agave, maple and honey which has completely baffled me now.

@Charleyhorses

Her behaviour is a reflection of how she views herself, not how she views you.

Yes, I agree. Happy Birthday OP! 🎉🍰🍾. See, it's not that hard. I do feel a little sorry for her if this is how her upbringing has led her to behave though.

@Inaseagull thank you very much :)

Nutritionists are not necessarily qualified and members of recognised association. A qualified nutritionist would probably not endorse sugar full stop.

so I posted stories about how I made it the night before. Went to work in morning and everyone said happy birthday. Friend was sat there and comletely ignored this. Came home and started to decorate my birthday cake and added stories of the process which she viewed each one. Still no happy birthdays.

Now admittedly, I come from the olden days, but surely just making a cake and taking it into work, people saying “happy birthday” and then moving on cuts out a lot of this nonsense.

Why all these “stories”?! You’re not an author, no-one wants a blow-by-blow account of you making a cake. Maybe come off-line and have some real interactions rather than living through phone-based affirmations?

@Angrymum22

All sugars cause dental decay. Doesn’t matter where they are sourced they all contain sucrose/fructose/dextrose/glucose that plaque bacteria can metabolise and cause huge cavities in your child’s mouth.

Yes but occasionally doesn't hurt as long as child cleans teeth regularly (not immediately after consumption).

She probably thought she didn't have to say it, that as you had all been discussing birthdays and are good friends you would know she wished you a happy birthday and it didn't need to be said.

well considering most fruits and veg have sugar and we continue eating them, I will continue giving my son refined sugar free snacks instead of normal cane sugared muffins.

Yes it may rot his teeth equally the same but there is no way anyone can say white sugar is better or even equal to honey.

@Staffy1 - true that could be the case as I said above

Cake stories on WhatsApp is this a thing? If it is, I'd be muting them.

Wishing you a very happy birthday, OP! YANBU - your 'friend' sounds bitter and clearly cannot bear you to have any positive attention. I'm sure many of us have encountered people like this x

@houmousexpert Thank you :) Yes I think most people have one of them in their lives.

Op thank you for taking all of this well. I agree with the other dentist in this thread that sugar is sugar, whatever way you want to dress it up. It will still have the same risks regarding tooth decay.
I think the key here is the size Bf the frequency. A small bit of cake ( regardless of whether refined or hidden in a date paste or honey) eaten at a meal time, then teeth are brushed soon after, is better than snacking throughout the day.
Keep sweet things to mealtimes as an occasional treat, combined with drinking water regularly and brushing with a fluoride toothpaste, and regular dental checks should hopefully be suffice

The night before my birthday we were out together at a restaurant talking about my birthday and her sons birthday.

I'm guessing she thought she'd helped you celebrate your birthday by doing this. You're coming over as a bit high maintenance to be honest, with the step by step cake posts. Maybe just take a deep breath and relax, stop overthinking and accept that adult birthdays are not really a big deal.

@kutess - I take DS oral hygiene very serious (I always feel very bad for my students with rotten teeth) however like I said all children will eat sugar so they will all harm their teeth the same. My issue isnt with sugar. Its refined sugar which has no nutritional benefit at all.

Now if others are saying refined sugar and natural sugar are completely the same thing in regards to nutrition and health then ok I can give up 'refined sugar free' however other than the damage to teeth there is no way we can compare a tablespoon of sugar and the sugar of an apple as being the same thing.

If I am wrong please give me more information as I said previously I am on a learning journey and happy to educate myself on healthy eating.

Oh dear.. I did gorget to mention 'refined sugar free' in first post

Yes, that post and every single other post you mentioned your sugar-free not actually sugar-free cake.

As others have pointed out, you might as well just have had the sugar, it would have been cheaper. It's a cake, not a health food - just give him a small slice and not every day. The benefits of the miniscule quantities of minerals etc contained in your fancy sugar are massively outweighed by the fact it is sugar.

Just eat more veg and less sugar. If you are going to eat sugar be honest about it.

@QuestionableMouse

Sugar free cake sounds like am abomination. Yabu for that alone.

Oh dear. I have to say that this is the one thing in the op that I was focusing on.

I was wondering what the op had substituted for the big, bad sugar because most of the so called sugar free recipes seem to have some god awful ingredient that is sugar by a different name or some artificial stuff.

My advice would be to relax, op. Less posting on social media and it's fine to give a toddler a tiny slice of normal cake, especially on a birthday.

Oh for goodness sake, it sounds like you are (both?) two years old.

I am still not over the GBBO episode where they made 'sugar-free cakes' - each one stuffed with honey, date syrup or something else that was just fucking sugar.

Drove me bloody nuts. And breathe....

I would let it go. You know she has issues and why. Otherwise she seems like a good friend.

I know this isn't the point but that delicious sounding cake is sugar free in the loosest sense of the word.

I would just assume she forgot.

@knittingaddict I mentioned a few times above he has sugar. I also mentioned this was an experiment for me. And yes I omitted the big bad sugar and added nutritious sugar and I will continue doing that.

I have no issues with parents who choose to feed their children junk and fast food daily. Let and let live. I should have mentioned refined sugar free however I did mention it way before if you check on my posts.

Just seem your last few posts op. Eating occasional sugary treats is not a fast track to dental hell.

My children ate biscuits, desserts and cakes sometimes and one has never had a filling or tooth removed, the other had a filling after her pregnancy, which isn't abnormal. It's why pregnant women have free dental treatment during and after pregnancy. Both daughters are in their 30's now.

Sugary drinks are definitely evil.

the sugar of an apple as being the same thing.

The sugar within an apple ( or other fruits) is fibrous, it is in a protective pouch so to speak, so less damaging than than other sugar sources. Obviously there are nutritional benefits as well.
I'd say stop overthinking all of this. Everything in moderation, watch the sugar frequency and practice good oral hygiene and use of a fluoride toothpaste.
Just be aware as a result of this thread that a cake containing coconut sugar, honey, maple syrup, date paste or whatever is STILL SUGAR! The label of "sugar free" on products such as this drives me nuts!

Well I totally understood what the OP means.
YANBU - she was very childish and obviously has issues. I'd just feel sorry for her tbh. Maybe you could go out of your way to praise or compliment her more often to boost her confidence - apologies if you do this already and it isn't working. I