Pissed off two friends as won't share my baby things

[Pollypockett23]

I've upset two friends by not sharing my baby things. It's my first baby and I have bought everything brand new.

Both are pregnant and both have been pestering to borrow things. Neither have asked outright but have been hugely hinting eg. Can't try things on in maternity stores etc. I've just said you don't really get maternity clothes in store anymore, most is online anyway.

I feel really under pressure and don't want to share my things. One has recently married a millionaire - I don't know why she would want my second hand stuff?

I just want to keep everything new but feel under massive pressure. Am I being unreasonable?

One friend is strapped for cash but has chosen to have a baby. I don't feel I should have to fund her lifestyle choice?! I did give her a bag of things - maternity clothes - and she turned her nose up at them and hasn't worn them since. They were all brand new but things I hadn't spend hundreds on.

Also now shitting myself that she's on Mumsnet.

I think one of the nice things about having babies is all the stuff that is passed around between friends. But I guess everyone is different. It's also better for environment to get the most use out of stuff but he ho.

@Chathamhouserules

I think one of the nice things about having babies is all the stuff that is passed around between friends. But I guess everyone is different. It's also better for environment to get the most use out of stuff but he ho.

Why should I buy everything brand new, for them to use and then my second child has worn in things?! That have gotten tatty?

I'm not their bankroll for baby things!

We got everything new for our first. I kept it all because I knew we’d have a second. After our second, I gave bits away or sold it. You’re not being unreasonable at all.

How rude, entitled and bizarre!

That would make me really reconsider the "friendship" frankly, who do they think they are?

If they want 2nd hand clothes and hand-me-downs, all local groups and sites are full of bags and bags of baby clothes for free or for a couple of £. Parents don't know what to do with baby clothes!

They should be ashamed to upset you with their nonsense. What's wrong with people.

So don’t lend them!

Just respond to the weekend thing and ignore the rest.

I am still wearing maternity clothes now and my DS is 15 months 😂

No way I would have lent stuff if I wasn't sure I was "done". And even then I would be aghast if friends would feel entitled to it.

And what nonsense about her baby not destroying stuff. That's not the point. Some kids are harder on stuff. Hell, some make worse poo stains then others, some throw up more, there's no way for her to know. And who cares if it is just hanging in the closet? Is she going to give you her crystal glasses because she "only" uses them at Christmas time?

So just don’t lend it to them then if you don’t want to!!! Respond re weekend abs ignore everything else.

If they ask directly just say you are trying for a baby and want to keep it.

I'm on your side OP, giving or lending is in the hands of the person who owns the items. Baby items are expensive, easily damaged and quick to look tired or faded due to repeat washings and staining body fluids.

I was always happy to give away things I no longer needed, but not until I was done with them.

Your friends are 100% in the wrong for pestering or guilt tripping you to give up your stuff.

How bizarre. I kept all my things from baby one for the rest. I loved buying it all and kept it in immaculate condition. The one thing I lent was the bumbo as I didn’t find it that great, and a couple of months later saw said friend selling it on Facebook. 🤨
Keep YOUR things for YOUR baby if that’s what you want to do x

Bizarre behaviour!

Just ignore her now, you've said how you feel, she either accepts that or doesnt. Not your problem.

I agree with you, if you want to keep them of course you can, they can't demand other peoples stuff, that's beyond grabby.

Very nasty that they are bitching about you though, I'd reconsider them as friends.

Do you like to find drama when there is none? They didn't ask - you sense they are inferring. No issue, if they ask - say no. Why are you even posting this. No-one makes you feel guilty you choose to do it. I'm not from the Uk but this is probably the most UK post I've ever seen. Jesus just don't do anything and if asked say no. You should go live in Germany!

No no no, these are not friends OP. That is just bizarre. It's not for them to decide what's silly or not regarding you and YOUR POSSESSIONS. Doesn't matter AT ALL what it is.
And please don't "lend" baby clothes - only EVER give things away when you don't want them back and don't care AT ALL what happens to them.

I've never seen anyone take a ridiculous 'if it were me, I'd send this text' text from Mumsnet (which are always bonkers) and actually send it.

Still, good to know it does occur, and to be able to read the massively authentic reply, too!

Your friendship group sounds a bit grim, OP. I wonder how that happened?

@Jakey056

Do you like to find drama when there is none? They didn't ask - you sense they are inferring. No issue, if they ask - say no. Why are you even posting this. No-one makes you feel guilty you choose to do it. I'm not from the Uk but this is probably the most UK post I've ever seen. Jesus just don't do anything and if asked say no. You should go live in Germany!

How rude.

I would say going behind my back and talking to the wider group of friends about why I haven't lent my things is pretty upsetting. This has been going on for months and this weekend when I saw said wider group of friends, I was quite hurt to hear it was a thing... not just something in my head.

I was interested to know what people thought on sharing baby items. Isn't that what MN is for? Or is your name 'Lucy'? Jeeeeez.

@Pollypockett23

So I text the below text to one. (The one married to a millionaire). Haven't sent it to the other one. 'Lucy' replied...

'Polly, I think you're being silly. Our new baby isn't planning to destroy your things. We would look after anything you give us? It just seems a waste for it to be left in a cupboard? Unless your pregnant? What's the plan for this weekend?'

Ffs.

What a grabby fucker she is. She also has no idea what state she will return things to you as she doesn't know what her baby will be like. Stay strong OP, and just DJ broken record. You don't have to justify yourself, just keep saying you want to keep it for your next.

@Jakey056

Do you like to find drama when there is none? They didn't ask - you sense they are inferring. No issue, if they ask - say no. Why are you even posting this. No-one makes you feel guilty you choose to do it. I'm not from the Uk but this is probably the most UK post I've ever seen. Jesus just don't do anything and if asked say no. You should go live in Germany!

The "friends" are the ones causing drama!

OP if any of your friends are on MN and reading this thread then I have a message for them -

You are not entitled to anyone giving you their old baby clothes and other items so stop dropping hints to the OP.

There are people who will happily give you their old baby clothes and other items because they have finished having children. These could be any of your neighbours, friends of your neighbours, work colleagues and any other acquaintences. If they don't then look in Facebook market place and eBay for second hand bundles.

My sister gave me a fair bit of stuff when I had my first, she had a two year old at the time. I was really grateful as we weren't well off. We had our 2nd really quickly and then my DSis has a 2nd a year after that.

However, after going through use by 3 babies by that point, a lot of the stuff needed replaced in order to give her things back so I ended up buying stuff new to give to her - I love my sister and she is lovely and would never have asked or moaned btw.

It just felt odd to use 2nd hand for my two and then buy new to give away. I think it would probably have just been better to get my own things in the first place tbh.

Simple reply with “oh no they aren’t going to waste, they are being stored ready for when I need them again”

To be honest I would remove the last few lines of that suggested text and delete the bit saying “once I’m done with it......”

If they are that grabby you may get them asking are you done with x? And pressuring you that way.

Just say to clear the air I want to let you know that I’m hanging onto all my maternity and baby bits. Our family isn’t complete so I’m hanging onto it all. Also a few things are sentimental so I’m quite attached to them all at the moment.

Life being as it is, we never know how these things are going to work out so I’m not going to be making any promises about when I’m going to be finished with them or feel comfortable letting them go.
Sorry if you’re disappointed, and I hope you understand but please don’t ask again as I would hate to cause any upsets in our friendship.

Very unusual behaviour from the lot of you, in my opinion. But I think you all deserve each other.

One friend is strapped for cash but has chosen to have a baby. I don't feel I should have to fund her lifestyle choice?

This comment shows exactly how much you value your friendships, OP, and I'm sorry for you, because good friends that look out of each other are worth good.