Pissed off two friends as won't share my baby things

[Pollypockett23]

I've upset two friends by not sharing my baby things. It's my first baby and I have bought everything brand new.

Both are pregnant and both have been pestering to borrow things. Neither have asked outright but have been hugely hinting eg. Can't try things on in maternity stores etc. I've just said you don't really get maternity clothes in store anymore, most is online anyway.

I feel really under pressure and don't want to share my things. One has recently married a millionaire - I don't know why she would want my second hand stuff?

I just want to keep everything new but feel under massive pressure. Am I being unreasonable?

One friend is strapped for cash but has chosen to have a baby. I don't feel I should have to fund her lifestyle choice?! I did give her a bag of things - maternity clothes - and she turned her nose up at them and hasn't worn them since. They were all brand new but things I hadn't spend hundreds on.

Is this really a thing?! How rude can someone be to basically demand things you have paid for and still have use for and then call you silly for wanting them new???

I will not be lending out my mat stuff nor my baby stuff and will only give it away (to whoever I decide, charity, family or friends) or sell it, when I decide I want to. I can't imagine anyone I know asking for it, but glad to have this as a heads up so I'm not in shock if it happens!

I read someone on here gave her baby stuff to someone (SIL possibly) expecting it back for baby 2 but it had been passed on to another SIL so she had to buy new.

To the people who thing "the best thing about baby clothes is sharing with friends" wow!

Stand strong, it's your stuff to do with what you like and they're actually the silly ones for perusing this and turning it into an issue. They can't be sure if it will get ruined and it's your nice stuff for your future baby. The one who was ungrateful about the stuff you did give was very telling, too.

It's a weird entitlement people seem to have when it comes to baby things. Probably because it's so expensive, so people think you should want to give or lend it to them to save them the expense. Even though you've paid out for it yourself and it's pretty obvious to all but the most dim, that you would want to keep things nice for your second child.

I'm not from the Uk but this is probably the most UK post I've ever seen.

Rude. This is a UK site. So what's your point?

Anyone that answered a message like that isn't a friend.

Get over yourself! YABU (very). How judgemental are you? Glad you're not MY "friend"!

You one of the greedy grabby friends huh?

Is there a massive backstory where they all clubbed together and laid for your cot high chair buggy and baby quipment ?

Unless so and unless they have given it all to you with the explicit instructions that you pass it all around when everyone else s turn comes then tell them to jog on.

It s preposterous that people think they can have your baby items.
It s insane you feel you have to defend that.

True friends would recognise that your are sentimental and keep things nicely and don't want to pass certain things around and don't lay claim to your property or memories.

True friends respect your feelings and opinions

Also with corona virus I just wouldn't be sharing or passing bits on tbh.

The cynic in me thinks that your wealthy pal is probably wealthy because of spending everyone else's money not her own. I feel bad for your less wealthy pal but if she turned up her nose at the bit you were willing to pass on then I would just shrug and say your choice.
Looks like both of them want you to fund their lifestyle.
Also the pal who said her baby wasn't going to run your stuff seems to not have much any experience !

You could text her and tell her where she can get everything if she would like to get the same and let her realise how expensive it all is too.

Polly, I think you're being silly. Our new baby isn't planning to destroy your things. We would look after anything you give us? It just seems a waste for it to be left in a cupboard? Unless your pregnant? What's the plan for this weekend?'

What's the plan for this weekend?

Just reply: 'To get pregnant!'

I would wonder if you did loan them your baby equipment and something got damaged or broken, would they be as quick to buy you a new one to replace it!

I kept all my baby stuff incase I decided on having another baby. It was all new and I bought good quality items. I'd say I'm putting it away incase we decide on another baby, saves me having to re buy. Don't let them guilt you into giving them anything

You’re doing nothing wrong. They are incredibly rude. Friends don’t treat each other like this.

They aren't acting as good friends would. They should understand why you don't want to. As most people do on this thread.

I don't blame you for feeling sad. Almost grieving for the friendship you thought you had.

It will pass, with pregnancy comes hormones and some times irrationality. They are being irrational but can’t see it, it’s normal for some people when pregnant. Just keep to not, I’m keeping them incase I have a second’ and give it time and they will realise.

@BlueThistles

You don’t have to lend anything just say so. Your comment ‘ fund her life style choices’ is revealing. You sound mean.

Ok, so if someone started a thread saying they were pregnant, didnt have 2 beans to rub together, could afford primark baby stuff but wanted MNetters to give her designer clothes because she prefers that you'd be sending her money and designer stuff?? Fuck off 😂

Not only sending designer stuff, but also the designer stuff you weren't finished using and were keeping nice for your next child!

@ISPYWITHMYCYNICALEYE

I THINK YOU WILL FIND IT WAS ....

@WINNIESTONE37

WHO ACTUALLY SAID THIS...

You don’t have to lend anything just say so. Your comment ‘ fund her life style choices’ is revealing. You sound mean.

and my actual reply to that post WAS ...

She sounds HONEST.

and Im curious ... why should she fund her friends life style choices ?

I dont think you are BU at all.
When you buy all new stuff for your first baby; or course you want to keep it nice and new for a possible second.
I've got 3DC - all boys! And they have all worn the same clothes bc I looked after them. I had a particular set of green clothes all with matching socks, hats, mittens, blankets and bibs. It still looks brand new 10yrs later. I wouldn't lend any of it to anyone.
I think next time they hint you just need to answer nonchalantly.
Example: "What are you going to do with all your baby stuff?"
"I'm just going to keep it all safe for the next one."
Don't lend if you dont want to. You'll be devastated if you don't get it back or 8t comes back in less and acceptable condition. Not everyone looks after things. Especially if they didn't have to buy it themselves.
I remember when my first was born someone lend me a cradle. It was my aunt. I didnt really like it - it was old fashioned and my baby was over 9lb. I accepted it tho. She had lent it to her SIL who gave me all the bedding for it. When I opened the bag i discovered it was all dirty. Covered in mouldy milk stains and smelt damp and dirty. I couldn't believe she hadn't washed it all after the last use and gave it to me like that for my new baby!
I learnt a valuable lesson then! Dont lend!

You don't have to make excuses to your friends. You bought the items. You do what you want!

They are both weird, get new friends, you don't need this. I don't agree with pinkgreenblue. What she does is up to her, she can't judge you by her ideas.
It's your choice and if they were good friends they would respect this. Also if you lend stuff it's more used, can get spoilt & not really yours anymore. The one who is strapped for cash can buy second hand, I did with some of my first baby stuff. Or she can share stuff with the millionaire!!

I can't believe some posters think the OP is mean and a shit friend, when one of OPs friends has turned their nose up at the cheaper (but still decent) brands of clothes. If people want high end clothes, they can pay the high end price

They’ll be the same posters that think when someone offers to help that’s code for wanting to clean your home.

Your friend is being horrible. I wouldn’t get into it with that message..just reply I’m sorry you think I’m being silly but I want to keep my baby things for baby number two. And then just say what your weekend plans are.

I offered baby stuff to DN and BIL turned up with his work van and took it all when I was out!

Afterwards I had complaints that some of the stuff wasn’t to their taste - well if you don’t give me a chance to sort/re-launder, and turn up your nose at Asda clothes then that’s your loss, you’re not getting any more from me.

@justanotherneighinparadise

They’ll be the same posters that think when someone offers to help that’s code for wanting to clean your home.

This👏👏👏🤣

To be honest I'd be tempted to say "I'd rather burn it and buy some more if needed than lend it to you...."

Stay strong op they’re nutters

This all sounds so so childish 😳
I mean if my friend wanted to borrow something she would just ask me and If I said sorry no, that would be fine.
We dont go around borrowing stuff though, ive never understood that! Havent borrowed a friends clothes since we were teens 😕