Pissed off two friends as won't share my baby things

[Pollypockett23]

I've upset two friends by not sharing my baby things. It's my first baby and I have bought everything brand new.

Both are pregnant and both have been pestering to borrow things. Neither have asked outright but have been hugely hinting eg. Can't try things on in maternity stores etc. I've just said you don't really get maternity clothes in store anymore, most is online anyway.

I feel really under pressure and don't want to share my things. One has recently married a millionaire - I don't know why she would want my second hand stuff?

I just want to keep everything new but feel under massive pressure. Am I being unreasonable?

One friend is strapped for cash but has chosen to have a baby. I don't feel I should have to fund her lifestyle choice?! I did give her a bag of things - maternity clothes - and she turned her nose up at them and hasn't worn them since. They were all brand new but things I hadn't spend hundreds on.

The golden rule of baby lending is only give away things that you do not mind saying goodbye to. Of course they won't be in the same condition or refunded at all. I think your friends are being really weird, I would never dream of hinting - if we were very close and I was sure that a friend had finished with her family I might ask, but I would never ask someone who still has babies!!

But she isnt never passing anything on is she? She isn't done with them. She wants them in the same condition when she has DC2. After that, she will gift them. And she has already given maternity clothing which demonstrates she is willing to help friends.

Such an odd mindset to expect people to share things they own and that they want to use in the condition they're in.

This. And the comment you're responding to is the one I tried and failed to quote above lol

I don't know why some people are hard on the op for not lending out her baby stuff?! Its is ops to do as she pleases! If she wants to keep the clothes even if its just to wipe her arse on its up to her, nobody else's business. Op your friends are massive cheeky fuckers, don't lend them anything. I ask for peoples stuff, not matter what it is. Its rude

@Pollypockett23

So I text the below text to one. (The one married to a millionaire). Haven't sent it to the other one. 'Lucy' replied...

'Polly, I think you're being silly. Our new baby isn't planning to destroy your things. We would look after anything you give us? It just seems a waste for it to be left in a cupboard? Unless your pregnant? What's the plan for this weekend?'

Ffs.

‘They won’t be wasted as we are already planning our second, I don’t want to jinx any plans so won’t be talking about it now’

*I DON'T ASK

Wow! YADNBU! I was given a few maternity clothes but only ever from friends who were completely finished having babies, and same with baby clothes- I’d actually have been reluctant to take them otherwise, as I’d have worried about every spill/nappy explosion/washing shrinkage etc. Baby clothes especially really don’t stay that nice and new for long- I’ve just had my third baby and a lot of the clothes that were new for DD, were a bit stained/worn but fine for DS and are now really pretty sad and old looking for number 3. Your friends sound really entitled!

We've potentially got the problem the other way round. SiL & BiL have kept all their baby stuff after 3 DC and keep dropping hints 'oh we've got X,Y & Z just in case' really don't want their stuff as they don't look after things 🤷‍♀️ OP I would tell them 'sorry I'm keeping things for now as planning for a second' ❤️

What strange friends you have. Do you usually give them your clothes and other items? I'm trying to figure out how this situation has even come about.
Not all but some baby outfits are quite sentimental and I can see why you are not willing to give them away.

@WhatWouldJKRDo

The OP has helped out her friend that isn't well off by gifting maternity clothes to her. The friend wasn't happy because it wasn't the OP's high end stuff. The other friend clearly has plenty of money, she doesn't need help. She's also said she'll happily give stuff away when she's finished having children.

For what it's worth OP, I think you're 100% in the right and sound lovely. Where's the sense in you giving away all the stuff you have bought and looked after when you know you're going to have another child and will need it again? Why should you fork out twice for baby items just so your friends can clothe their babies in nice clothes for free?! Even if you planned to sell all of the baby stuff it's absolutely nothing to do with them as it's your property! Your friends response to you really wound me up when I read it!

@WhatWouldJKRDo

TBH, OP, I'd think you were awful.

Perhaps we move in very different circles.

In my group, we actively helped each other out. Every one of us passed things on to each other. We kept the things that were particularly significant but slings, clothes, toys - they went through lots of us and when the original owner needed them, they went immediately back. We mucked in. It was totally normal.

Someone never passing anything on would have felt antisocial and strange.

I mean, yeah, it is your stuff, but wehy wouldn't you want to share reciprocally with your closest friends?

Awful? For keeping stuff that belonged to her ? Ridiculous and grabby.

How on earth do you keep tabs on what belonged to who?
I would be stressed out about accidentally ruining something.
Once I was done with babies I either passed it on gladly or sold it.

I do intend, once we've finished having babies, to give all my baby things to friends.

Exactly! Thank you! I want to sell things as well, to pay for new things when they get older!

Bit of discrepancy.

TBH, OP, I'd think you were awful.Perhaps we move in very different circles

What circle is that, the cheeky,scrounging cheapskate fucker circle?

You're awful for saying you'd think the OP was awful for not giving stuff to entitled scroungers. HTH

Just man up and say no or don’t mention it. Your about to have a baby.

If you plan on another baby don't lend anything out, you'll need everything..
I planned on 1 baby and gave everything away that was all brand new and designer.. 5 years later was skint and was due another, I went round second hand shops buying tonnes of baby clothes... Lesson learned. They want they buy second hand, they'll get tonnes of baby items never or worn once for a pound each..

I never bought maternity clothing, my bump was neat tho so lived in primark joggers and vest tops..don't see the fuss on maternity clothes but again my bump was a neat one so maybe I got away with no having to fork out a fortune on maternity clothes

Very strange behaviour. I never had anyone ask or even hint for baby stuff because everyone I know buys their own stuff. I’d pass a few things on to my sister if she was interested but I think she’d probably like to buy her own.

I would just say that you don't like using second hand stuff, especially for a baby, and therefore wouldn't be able to accept your things back after lending them out, and you simply can't afford to buy everything again as money will be tight once you have a second child. You are sorry if that upsets your friend but you are not going to go into debt just to keep her happy.

CleverCatty That dress is now carefully stored away. As my mother passed away a couple of years ago, and DD is now early 20s, I'm keeping it for the sentimental value and also it would be nice if DD ever had a DD of her own that could wear the dress for a special occasion.

OP, you are nice, and your so called friends are not. Thing is, even if you wanted to lend stuff now, you could find yourself pregnant again quickly and need the stuff back asap.

They aren't friends.

You cleared up any misunderstanding with your text, any normal person would have felt sorry for pestering you. But as with all cheeky fuckers, it is a hallmark of them, she told you that you were SILLY!

That would be the end for me.

How is the OP awful for keeping things that belong to her? The level of entitlement in some people.

They sound like a pair of CF's. You're not obliged to lend them anything! Yadnbu

OP, I’m on your side. Your friends are cheeky fuckers.

Wow, OP. YANBU.
They are proper grabby CFs. It never even crossed my mind to ask for my friends' stuff either for myself or my bubbas. If they offered that was lovely.

They are yours to give (when you want to)not theirs to be entitled to.

I'm glad you're re-evaluating the friendships as friends really don't behave this way.

It sounds like these friends have form then. You’ve been designated the giver in the group. As you’re not fulfilling your role, they’re trying to bully you into being what they think you should be. Good on you for creating a firm boundary and not going out with them this weekend.

So glad I have never come across these "circles".........Where I come from, you provide for your new baby and pass things on, happily, when you are finished to whomever...

The OP sounds lovely and too tolerant .