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Original poster

Pissed off two friends as won't share my baby things

389 replies

Pollypockett23 · 16/10/2020 13:22

I've upset two friends by not sharing my baby things. It's my first baby and I have bought everything brand new.

Both are pregnant and both have been pestering to borrow things. Neither have asked outright but have been hugely hinting eg. Can't try things on in maternity stores etc. I've just said you don't really get maternity clothes in store anymore, most is online anyway.

I feel really under pressure and don't want to share my things. One has recently married a millionaire - I don't know why she would want my second hand stuff?

I just want to keep everything new but feel under massive pressure. Am I being unreasonable?

One friend is strapped for cash but has chosen to have a baby. I don't feel I should have to fund her lifestyle choice?! I did give her a bag of things - maternity clothes - and she turned her nose up at them and hasn't worn them since. Confused They were all brand new but things I hadn't spend hundreds on.

OP posts:
Elsewyre · 17/10/2020 00:05

I'm always amazed how everyone's life on here seems to be either a perfectly balanced experiment or completley onesided.

Such a coincidence

redwinefine · 17/10/2020 00:13

Think it's a bit harsh to say about one of your friends that "I don't feel I should have to fund her lifestyle choice?"

She's choosing not to murder her baby. So..... not really a lifestyle...

Lucylaine · 17/10/2020 00:13

You don't really sound like they're your friends, or that you even like them.

My close friends can borrow/have anything I can give. Vice Versa. Always been the same for 15 years now

So yanbu, say no

WhereamI88 · 17/10/2020 00:16

wow these are not your friends, OP. They've ruined the friendship, such grabby behaviour

timeisnotaline · 17/10/2020 00:43

Hopefully by the time op is done having babies she knows some nicer people to give the clothes to, not this lot! Some friends.

Cantbreathe2020 · 17/10/2020 01:15

@Groovinpeanut

It's your stuff, if you don't want to lend it, don't! I lent friends stuff, and they didn't look after it. I lent a friend a cot, she painted it terracotta to match her nursery decor Hmm Other stuff had been washed and washed and arrived back all mis-shapen and bobbley. I'd brought it all brand new, and was happy to help out friends, the agreement was they'd return it when I had more children. It wasn't fit to use again, as they hadn't brought it, it was like 'easy come, easy go' I had to buy everything again when I had my second child. I never lent again.
*bought
SUBisYodrethwhenLarping · 17/10/2020 02:16

YANBU & they are CFs on a mega level

ShelbyCherryBlossom · 17/10/2020 04:24

YANBU, they are! Cheeky twats the pair of them. I completely agree with you OP, and I say that as someone who happily buys second hand and passes it on, some things are sentimental however and you want to keep them which is perfectly reasonable!

SimplyRadishing · 17/10/2020 04:43

It's times like this I hate MN
Ignore the judgey "you are clearly a selfish arsehole- glad you aren't my friend" comments from some people on here. 🙄
I have a designer bag collection I have declined / do decline to loan these out when not in use to certain friends/family who based on exxperience I dont trust to care for my things. Ianbu - These are my things and it's my choice.
Your situation is no different.

You have every right to keep your own things.

Your "best friend" sounds domineering at best....I thought her response was tone deaf and rude.

MerchantOfVenom · 17/10/2020 04:57

You need to stop finding their silly hints stressful, and start finding them funny.

‘LOL, this again. Anyway, what’s the plan for Friday?‘

‘You’re funny Grabby McGrabface! Anyway, how about them Lakers?’

Etc, etc, ad nauseam, until they get bored and sod off.

whyareyoulying · 17/10/2020 05:01

Polly, I think you're being silly. Our new baby isn't planning to destroy your things. We would look after anything you give us? It just seems a waste for it to be left in a cupboard? Unless your pregnant? What's the plan for this weekend?'

In that case you need to give her a list of items that are just sitting in her cupboard, you know, wasting away so you can use them. But don't worry, you'll look after them!
All her non-maternity clothes, shoes, Christmas tree, crockery, booze etc
I'm petty but she's so fucking entitled!

Also what's she got in the shed you can have too?

NeonGenesis · 17/10/2020 05:15

I wouldn't even bother pissing about with all these suggested text messages. These women aren't nice and I don't think they are good friends to you. I'd just start avoiding them and focus on making new friends who don't bully you and make you feel uncomfortable. Life is too short for all of this shit

kezziethecat · 17/10/2020 05:23

I guess it's just the done thing, most people pass on maternity/baby clothes because it's not as if you need them in between or after babies. I only bought a few token items for my children because I was given so much stuff by friends and family. However I would have hated to be given stuff if people wanted it back as they all get mixed up and potentially ruined by the baby. Honestly just make it clear you want to keep everything until you're finished having babies. Tell them to look on eBay or marketplace if they don't want to buy new - there are always loads of people trying to get rid of their baby stuff.

MrsToothyBitch · 17/10/2020 06:17

YANBU- they're very grabby. I'd ask if there were any particular items your greedy friends had in mind- anything nice and expensive perhaps? The sort of things you'd like to get your own value per use out of? Bit like with your mat clothes? You've told them you're not done yet. End of.

I wouldn't want the stress of lending or borrowing tbh. Especially if it could wreck a friendship. I'd really resent the "won't take no for an answer" lot, too. I'm not your storage. Fortunately I have a reputation for being both fussy and tidy- take no prisoners, carry no passengers. No problem with second hand either, but I'd just rather own things outright and have the pleasure of choosing unless someone offered to straight up pass something on, no conditions attached. Still my choice to accept.

Also, you lot who magically pass your mat clothes around and around with no worries. Are you all actually barbies? How lovely to be the same dress size and shape and of similar heights to your friends, suiting similar colours and cuts with similar tastes. Then magically getting your stuff back just right. I can't think of anything less likely... or weirder.

mummyclover · 17/10/2020 06:57

YANBU - grabby, entitled and controlling comes to mind!

Stick to your guns, explain that all will be passed along as soon as you're ready, as you've already planned to reuse these items.

I'm currently pregnant with my second and have my own collection of baby stuff stored away. I also wouldn't for one second be asking anybody for anything!

justilou1 · 17/10/2020 08:18

They clearly have plans for specific items. Perhaps you should mention things of theirs that you covet, such as rich friend’s credit card

Snog · 17/10/2020 08:36

Lucy I plan to use my baby gear for my next child/children and I won't be lending it out.

Let's meet up for lunch on Sunday.

nanbread · 17/10/2020 09:22

Are you independently wealthy OP?

I wonder if because you are the most well off, they feel a sense of entitlement that you owe them somehow.

Or has your friendship always been based on you paying for stuff / giving them stuff?

Either way, if there's no back story they sound pretty rude and entitled and just... Not nice.

justilou1 · 17/10/2020 09:22

Fuck meeting them for lunch...
Lucy, how about you babysit this weekend while DH and I practice conceiving baby no2 that will be utilizing all the crap I don’t intend to lend you or anyone else. I’m going to bitch to everyone behind your back about how you haven’t even offered to babysit for me and see how you feel, you entitledc grabby cow!

WildfirePonie · 17/10/2020 09:29

YANBU!
These people are not friends. Cut them loose.

supportivemyarse · 17/10/2020 10:28

pair of CFers. their comparative income is irrelevant, raising DC is hard enough without taking shit from 'friends' about trivial stuff like this. reply reinforcing that you're keeping YOUR baby stuff for the next one and for her to stop trying to create a problem where there isn't one. Also that you don't appreciate her/them slagging you off to (friends names) behind your back just because you've said no to letting them raid your cupboards.

They won't get it, CFers don't but if you don't shut this shit down it won't stop at lending baby gear, if you're having DC at the same time you'll be paying for their DC clothes forever or it'll be excessive CF childminding and constant demands for school run help. And if you don't comply your name will be mud just as it is with this.

don't lie about lending these things to someone else, don't let them make a liar of you at all. Its good to be kind but try not to be a pushover. if anything, treat it as prep for having to deal with your DC when they pester and demand and sulk.

having DC can change all your female friendships, they can grow and develop into a supportive bond alongside raising DC or you'll find that they are very one sided and you no longer have much in common so you gently let those fall into a more casual occasional thing before they drive you mad. These people sound like the second lot. As DC grow you probably won't have the time to see them much anyway, even if they're your closest friends.

when you've finished having your babies sell the decent stuff, charity shop or give away the rest. children don't stop costing when they're out of the baby stage, they get more expensive.

Littleposh · 17/10/2020 10:36

When you've finished with it, it makes sense to pass it on but why would you now?? I wouldn't consider doing it nor ever expect it?? How weird!! I'd get rid, what else are they going to expect you buy for them in the future!!

PlanBea · 17/10/2020 10:48

@redwinefine

Think it's a bit harsh to say about one of your friends that "I don't feel I should have to fund her lifestyle choice?"

She's choosing not to murder her baby. So..... not really a lifestyle...

The lifestyle choice the OP was referring to was the fact her friend turned her nose up at the bag of Primark etc maternity wear, and wanted her high end labels. Not the lifestyle choice of having a child. Choosing to only wear named labels or high end is a lifestyle choice.
SleepingStandingUp · 17/10/2020 11:09

Agre with the consensus. Tackle it directly and explain as you're TTC you're not ready to get rid of it yet.

We all shared, mine was first so all mine was new and then clothes went in every direction. Now I've got twins we've had so much stuff lent and gifted, my friend is about to give me her old twin buggy. BUT it's always given freely, never asked for, and the agreement is it then gets passed on again so I've now passed on a sleepyhead and a moses basket, some other stuff I'll charity shop as I don't have anyone who wants them. That's the difference, given freely without obligation.

Tell your friends no and to stop asking

londonscalling · 17/10/2020 11:19

Ask her to borrow her holiday clothes and suitcases as they are just sat in the cupboard between uses. Or ask her to use her car if it's sat on the drive not being used whilst she's at work!

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