Pissed off two friends as won't share my baby things

[Pollypockett23]

I've upset two friends by not sharing my baby things. It's my first baby and I have bought everything brand new.

Both are pregnant and both have been pestering to borrow things. Neither have asked outright but have been hugely hinting eg. Can't try things on in maternity stores etc. I've just said you don't really get maternity clothes in store anymore, most is online anyway.

I feel really under pressure and don't want to share my things. One has recently married a millionaire - I don't know why she would want my second hand stuff?

I just want to keep everything new but feel under massive pressure. Am I being unreasonable?

One friend is strapped for cash but has chosen to have a baby. I don't feel I should have to fund her lifestyle choice?! I did give her a bag of things - maternity clothes - and she turned her nose up at them and hasn't worn them since. They were all brand new but things I hadn't spend hundreds on.

I’ve lent a whole bunch of maternity clothes saying I did want them back. Got pregnant with 2nd child and asked if friend had finished with my mat clothes only to be told she had lent them to her friend!!! I will never lend anything now as cost me a fortune and a “friend “ trying to be nice

Get over yourself! YABU (very). How judgemental are you? Glad you're not MY "friend"!

Keep your precious new born things OP. Screw anyone that refuses to but their own baby stuff.. tight arses and snidey with it.. fund your own lifestyles not anybody elses. 🌺

@Baxterbear

Get over yourself! YABU (very). How judgemental are you? Glad you're not MY "friend"!

Sorry, would you mind explaining?

Cancelled the plans for weekend.

Going to lay low... feeling quite sad about it tbh.

Keep hold of them for now.. they can buy their own.

Sorry this is getting you down OP. Might be worth clearing the air with your friends? Just tell them nicely that you’ll gladly pass it on when you are finished with it, but as you’re already planning a second baby, you’re going to need it quickly.

You are doing the right thing. A friend borrowed an expensive prank from me and it came back broken ( she didn’t tell me either until I tried to use it .

And anyway, it’s your stuff!

That’s a pram not a prank!

Oh gosh, my SIL was just like this. She kept hinting about having any baby clothes, things like bumbo and play mats, even a car seat! I gave her a few bits but was actually already swapping with NCT friends so didn't have much to spare for her but I was always left with the impression that she felt I wasn't giving her enough. I just kept ignoring the hints, told her I was keeping things for any future DC and she finally got the message.

This is horrible. I’m not sure they are your friends, to be honest. They aren’t behaving well and that reply from her was just rude. I wouldn’t blame you if you distanced yourself from them. Sorry you’re feeling sad, I would be too.

I’m in a similar position. I have absolutely no issue with giving things away to friends when I have finished with them, in fact it’s a great pleasure. However, I greatly dislike, and therefore don’t, lend things out. They never come back the same and I’d rather not feel the inevitable awkwardness about that. Some people are amazing and don’t have such qualms. I do and it would stress me out, so I rarely lend anything.

I agree with you, you're absolutely doing the right thing. I did the same, kept everything from no 1 for no 2. My friend lent hers out, only half got returned for no 2 and the clothes looked tatty and stained! Just say, I'm keeping my clothes for baby no 2. People shouldn't be relying on your stuff anyway!!!

You don’t have to lend anything just say so. Your comment ‘ fund her life style choices’ is revealing. You sound mean.

You don’t have to lend anything just say so. Your comment ‘ fund her life style choices’ is revealing. You sound mean.

She sounds HONEST.

and Im curious ... why should she fund her friends life style choices ?

YANBU.

It's your stuff and you're not obliged to share anything.

Put a stop to this now. Send a message out to them stating you won't be lending anything out be it maternity or baby items as you plan to use it again ASAP and could whoever it is kindly stop discussing this topic with others as you are not obliged to lend anything and you find this behaviour totally unacceptable.

Stop pussy footing around and shut it down.... if they get stroppy they are not your friends.

Honestly! I don't get people these days, I wouldn't dream of doing such things?

I think you should have nipped these hints in the bud early on, I’m not lending as I will need them for the next baby and I want to keep them in good condition or I plan to sell them on Facebook or that is promised to my sister in law. Stand up for yourself, your stuff was bought with your hard earned cash. Smile and say it very needing stuff I’ve seen some cute stuff on eBay and close your cupboard doors firmly behind you.

So sorry this is making you feel sad, I would be too. The brass neck of that reply back really is shocking!

My friend once asked if she could borrow my baby’s clothes as she was 6 months and my friend was due to give birth. They were returned when I became pregnant, stained and unusable, - which I sort of expected really!
Don’t let it ruin your weekend now.
You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong, their YOUR items and hold precious memories.
Tell them to do one! ❤️

Total support for the OP here. And yes, it is a lifestyle choice to have a baby - the OP doesn't owe her 'friend' financial support in the form of supplying baby clothes/equipment.
If a person knows that they can't afford even baby clothes (which are relatively cheap) they've got know business having a baby - children do not get cheaper as they age!

I'm sorry OP, these women are not your friends and in the long run you'll be better off not spending time with people who use you.

Generally, I do agree that you should only give away baby things and not lend them. They never come back as nice as when you handed them over. It's sensible to keep your own belongings until you know you are done with them.

Know, should read no! I do know the difference, honestly

Tell them to look online on eBay to buy stuff before Covid I had clients who went to car boot sales and picked up baby clothes for next to nothing .They also went online to buy 2nd hand stuff No keep it for baby no 2They choose to have a baby probably didn’t realise how expensive it was and they out grow things so quickly .For their clothes you don’t always need maternity clothes some modern fashion is loose enough

OP don't be upset. They aren't good friends. You are being absolutely reasonable and they are being truly horrid and grabby. I wonder if there are other red flags in you relationships with them?

Just remembered that I lent some baby things to a friend - after being pressured also. I started gently asking for their return when I was pregnant again only to be told that I was being selfish as “I could afford to buy new ones...” (I couldn’t, and not the point anyway...) Turned out that she had generously loaned them to someone else and not told them that they weren’t hers to begin with. She resented having to ask for them back. Of course I didn’t get everything back, and most of it was ruined. None of it was replaced. I was later told by the same friend that the presents I gave her upon the births of both of her children were underwhelming also. Interesting that I received nothing at all from her when I gave birth to mine. Grabby, entitled, hypocritical woman.

@Baxterbear

Get over yourself! YABU (very). How judgemental are you? Glad you're not MY "friend"!

Do you need a Hug ?

I didn't like the comment about lifestyle choices but your venting so vent away dear. Your mate is being selfish but cant see this fact, (little story) I bought some felt to replace a shed roof, (I have three) my friend asked if I had any left as her shed needed doing. I did as I had bought a full roll. I had to explain that I intended keeping as had two more sheds that would eventually go and if I gave her the felt I would have to buy another roll. Me buy two you buy none, get it. It took a while but sank in

Your friends will understand in time surely. If you're planning to have more it would be unfair of them to ask for things you have bought and they know that. It would be unreasonable to get upset over it but not unreasonable to keep saying you'd like to keep you babies things. After all they give you memories. If you haven't finished with them yet it would be unreasonable of them to expect you to plan new homes for them as your LO might not be ready by the time they've had theirs.

I can understand the maternity clothes thing. Some stores that have moved into larger departments still have maternity. H&M where we live just moved into a new build and has maternity wear.
My friends never expect anything off of me but I do know and understand the difficult decision of going through with having a baby when finances are tight. Swaps like a sling instead of a pram is trendier now as you can keep baby close. Sling library has more info on what slings you can feed baby in. Breast feeding reduces costs of bottles and dummies. Thinking about cost saving ideas like this might help you help your friends in the long run.
Until then if they are angry at you, let them. In this COVID environment knowing your luck the day you pass over goods be the day you have COVID. They don't want poorly babies so keeping them would be in their best interests as well as yours.