Dealing with a toxic EX, Am I being unreasonable?

[Hover93]

Ladies, I need your help. Me and my ex partner split up some time ago, we have 2 children together and we get on really well, have a good relationship co- parenting our girls and still being friends.

We both have new partners now, my new partner has 4 children two boys aged 15 and 13 and two girls ages 6 and 5. The boys are older an dont really like staying over they want to be on there computers or seeing their friends/girlfriends typical teenage boys however, the girls we have stay over.

This is where it gets difficult and I need advice regarding his difficult ex.

So we have his girls every Wednesday over night an take them school the next day and then give them tea on Thursday before taking them home and then we don't have them again untill the following Wednesday but then that week we have them Wednesday night, Friday night, Saturday night an take them home Sunday night. So basically every other weekend we have them all weekend. But still 8 times over the month. We told his ex we would start bringing the girls back at 2pm every Sunday so we had a couple of hours break before my girls came home an we had work the next day. But she refused an said we cannot bring them home untill bedtime as shes out and made plans as thats her weekend and its our problem to sort them.

My girls stay at there dads every Saturday night and sometimes 1 night in the week depending on what shifts he works. My partner has started a new job now which also requires him to work away some weeks, we have asked his ex if we can change the days having the girls from ever other full weekend to every Friday night instead. This would mean every Wednesday and Friday they stay with us, he even asked his mother if every other Saturday she would have the girls so his ex could still have a full weekend with no girls. The reason we wanted to change is because of his new job for one but also because the way it fell it meant we only had 2 days a month with no children to be able to do anything, I may sound like I'm being selfish but everybody needs some time especially new relationships.

Basically his ex has refused an said it doesnt suit her and the girls are in a routine with every other full weekend and thats how its staying. Without sounding petty and like I'm having a go at her the girls are not in any routine. Here is a couple of examples: last week we was told we can't drop the girls off untill 8pm on Sunday because she was out, 8pm came an she said she aint getting the girls she won't be back we will have to sort them David asked what time was there bedtime as it was a school night, she replied what ever time I put them to bed. So no routine which we already new anyway. So we kept the girls, bare in mind not only were they in school the next day but we also had no clothes/uniform for them alls they brought with them on the Friday was the clothes they were wearing, a coat and there tablets. We were not suprised by this anymore and had already bought an entire new wardrobe for the pair of them for when they are with us as they always looked homeless. The first time they came there bag consisted of 1 pair of knickers, 1 pair of leggings, 1 pyjama tshirt and 1 tshirt which was full of crusty food. Its really sad too see as they cry an want to take their stuff home when they go but I refuse as it doesn't come back.

The weekend that she is meant to have them she takes them to my partners mothers an she xmas them while she goes out or the boys look after them. I'm concerned for the girls in general, they sleep on metal camping beds, the only time they have a bath or shower is with us, they even questioned why we make them brush there teeth as they never have to do it at home, there late for school almost everyday even though the school in 10 doors down from there house, they even refuse to eat my food because "its tastes disgusting when its not made in a microwave"

We had to take the one of the boys shopping and buy him a toothbrush an toothpaste because they didn't have one and we found out for months he was either not brushing his teeth or having to use his brothers

Anyway so I've gone of a rant now but basically, I want to know of we are being unreasonable asking to change the days to every Wednesday and Friday instead of every other weekend?

You think the girls are being neglected and yet are choosing to try and see them less? You should be trying to have them more!

Its perfectly reasonable for dad to have his own set of clothes for them at his house, thats how many split families work.

If you want more time alone with your partner you do what all patents do and arrange a babysitter. So instead of asking his mum to look after the girls to help out their mum, ask her to have them to help out you. Or ask your family to look after your children. You are actually getting two Saturdays free a month plus at least 2 mid week nights if not 4 if your ex has your girls on a different night to your step children anyway which is way more than many parents get.

I don’t believe this sudden change in living conditions for the children. The youngest is 5 so it’s not that long ago this 300-quid-a-month-dad was living with them as a family. Do you seriously want us to believe that in the space of a few years (at the most) the ex-girlfriend has got rid of all the furniture he provided for them and replaced the beds with camp beds and that she has stopped feeding them properly and washing their clothes?

And why do you feel you are entitled to “days off” from your children? If you were both still together with your children’s other parents you would have your children with you every day. It’s part of the deal when you choose to have children - they are your responsibility every day until they are 18.

Well done in reinforcing the wicked stepmother stereotype.

* And why do you feel you are entitled to “days off” from your children? If you were both still together with your children’s other parents you would have your children with you every day. It’s part of the deal when you choose to have children - they are your responsibility every day until they are 18. *

^This with bells on. We’ve only had childfree time on a weekend a couple of times since lockdown.

I feel really sorry for his DC, who, if the OP is to be believed, neither parent appears to prioritise.

So many people willing to castigate single mothers as shit and irresponsible, so few people prepared to rescue the children from their den of neglect and abuse.

Poor kids

What is in the water today ?? Is OP really the worst person in the whole world for wanting time with her DP without his kids there ?

OP, it sounds messy and you haven't covered yourself in glory describing the mother. If she is neglecting them as you say this should be your main concern.

Noone has said she's the worst person in the world. So, no.

Just remember, if you add more children to the mix, you’ll have even less time for your brand spanking new, but years long relationship.

Hopefully you’re using double forms of contraception 🤞🏻