To say third marriages....

[PinkAndFabulous]

Are nothing to be ashamed of?

I'm my husbands third wife. One of his wives had the same first name as me so I'm not even an original in that way!

His first marriage lasted less than a year, his second one lasted for two. No children from either.

People gave us six months but we're 17 years in and still happy as Larry so maybe there won't be a no. 4!

I know someone who has been married three times - first marriage ended in divorce, second he dropped down dead suddenly in his thirties and third he sadly died after a long illness. People are so quick to judge 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's when they want the third "big wedding", that eyes roll.

A cousin of mine married at 21, was divorced within 18 months. Married again around 25 to a much older man, quickly popped out 2 DCs. Now mid-30s and that marriage is also on the rocks.

I think, by the time you get to the third wedding, you have to start asking yourself if the problem is you.

Personally I would not want to do it! However if others do why does it matter ? No one knows what circumstances they are in .Someone I know has been married 3 times seem happy now .First 2 husbands somewhat flaky ,and she was very young when she married the first time and had a baby soon after .

@Hopeisnotastrategy

I once performed a marriage ceremony for a lady who cheerfully informed me it was her fifth. She turned up in dress, veil, the works.

At least she got her money’s worth from the frock and veil!

I have a friend in his late 30s who is on this 3rd. I'll be honest when I heard the news I did wonder how long this one would last.

Why on earth you would get married for a third time is beyond me. Even second marriages to me are pointless.

@SuzieQQQ

Why on earth you would get married for a third time is beyond me. Even second marriages to me are pointless.

I'm on my second because I was widowed. Not at all pointless. He mended my broken heart. It's his first marriage

@TrollTheRespawnJeremy

I think 3 is pretty ridiculous. Very poor decision making unless you're unfortunate enough to be widowed twice. (In which case- surely you're a suspect by now.)

My Nan was serially widowed. We used to joke about this occasionally and my other granny would make dark comments

(FWIW, I think they all died happy but worn out, she was that kind of woman! Married the first time at 16)

Nobody WANTS to be married more than once

That's clearly not true, otherwise noone would get married for a second time

I ended up on a date with someone that had been married four times. His first wife was 'the one', but she died. After that he had a series of short term desperate attempts to replace her, including one Russian woman that was the same age as his son. She stayed for two years - long enough to get her leave to remain, then she disappeared one day.

I felt sorry for him. He clearly didn't cope being on his own, but there was no way I was putting myself in the frame to be wife number five.

I wonder how many people that marry that many times just don't cope alone, and jump into marriage with the wrong person as a result. In not saying that's the case for everyone, it's genuine curiosity.

I suspect most wouldn't admit it though.

Nothing to be ashamed of, and if people want a third marriage then that is their decision. Once was enough for me though, happily single and plan to stay that way.

It's hard to generalise.

e.g. person previously married at age 20 and 30, marries for the third time at age 40, to someone who they've been cohabiting with for 5-10 years and who's plainly a good match for them - no "shame" at all in a huge, over the top, celebration etc.

on the other hand, e.g. person who previously married c 2 yrs ago and c5 yrs ago, now marrying for the third time, to someone who they've known for less than a year - got to expect some cringing if they go for a big white wedding with all the trimmings.

I'm envious tbh. I can't even find one person who wants to marry me, let alone three

@Newwayofthinking

First time I was 16, he was an abuser lasted 8months

Second time I was 25, he was controlling, lasted 29yrs

Will be getting married next year, he is the person I have been searching for

I'm sorry to hear about 1&2.

I hope you (& 3) have a lovely day & a fantastic life together 🥂🍾

@Lalastepmum

I am twice married and twice divorced. I got married at 18 to someone from another religion and it didn’t work out as he was planning to take a second wife.

Second husband was highly abusive and robbed me blind. I lost my son to him. If it were not for other two children I don’t know if I could of come through it.

The reason I won’t marry my partner is because people would
Judge too much.

I messed up marrying the wrong people but don’t mean I am the problem and years of counselling helped me understand that.

I'm very sorry to hear about your Son.

If you love your partner & want to get married to him, then you should. Don't let other people stop you, their opinions are not important 🌷

@Honeydukesmum

Meh I’ve been married twice .. 19 ( in love and forces so could live together) and 31 ( waited 9 years before we tied the knot as I was bitten already) . Both times I’ve given everything and both times they left.

So OP yes I’ve accused myself of being that common denominator .. but you know what I’ve now got the man I was always supposed to be with, 2 beautiful girls and one on way. He really wants us to get married and comments like this are part of what makes me keep saying don’t ask. People don’t end up divorced for the fun of it 😢 I’m incredibly lucky that my friends and family knew I couldn’t have done more and are so happy for me that actually I’ve come out with a better future despite being taken to my lowest by the 2 people I loved and trusted the most

Honestly, pay no attention to what strangers think!! (Even friends & family, but yours sound like they'd support you).

It's EASY to make off the cuff comments like 'marriage isn't your strong point' or 'common denominator' without realising how incredibly hurtful they can be.

I think some people get married multiple times for many 'good' reasons and others get married multiple times for the attention - but even then it's because their past isn't exactly stable/loving & supportive (Katie price).

You do you. It's YOUR life 🌷

@emilyfrost

It’s nothing to be ashamed of, but a third marriage, like a second/fourth/fifth etc. doesn’t mean anything.

Vows are meant to be for life, till death do you part, so if you’re doing them again they’re totally pointless.

Really? Have you actually read the posts on this thread or just rushed in to post your nasty opinion?

@BojoKilledMyMojo

I think there's very few circumstances in which a third marriage is something to be proud of. Its intended to be a life long commitment so after 2 failed marriages I certainly wouldn't enter into another and I'd most certainly question why somebody else was so eager to.

I'm proud of the poster above who escapes two controlling/any dive marriages (one as a teen!) and pulled her life together enough to find a man she loves and put her faith in to marry

It's sad that you don't. I'd rather be her than you 🤷🏻‍♀️

I wish people would stop with the white=virgin. White meant Joy, new beginnings etc, it did mean purity, but not in the intact sense, in the pure love sense, so in parts of the World that was the colour choice for a wedding dress. The Christian Church changed the whole meaning of lots of things.

So it doesn't matter how many times you get married, or how many people you have shagged, you can wear white. Weddings are a celebration, so again, a legitimate reason to have a big party. As said, it's a invite not a summons and the judgemental sour faced, won't be missed.

Really? Have you actually read the posts on this thread or just rushed in to post your nasty opinion?

MJMG2015 I’ve read them, before and after I posted. I stand by what I said.

You can think it’s nasty all you want, but it’s fact: vows are for life. If you do them more than once, they’re totally meaningless.

I couldn't care less how many times people had been married but for me personally If my first marriage didnt work out I'd contemplate a 2nd but definitely not any more.

I certainly wouldn’t rush to judgment without knowing the circumstances.

It’s funny how people on Mumsnet are so keen to encourage women to leave crap/lazy husbands (usually justifiably) but never mention the part about “if you ever dare meet someone else, we’ll be the ones sniggering behind your back about how trashy/ what tainted goods you are”.

Depends why. If Dh died young, if 2 divorces, then Maybe they should accept that they don't actually have very good people skills and I'm not good at choosing?

I don’t think I’d attend the wedding, vows are meant for life and I enjoy seeing people make that commitment.

I feel like I’ve wandered into some weird parallel universe on this thread. Bonkers.

@Anonymous555

My 1st marriage ended when my exh decided the kids he'd begged me to have were too restrictive to his social life and the younger girl over the road was more amenable to his social (and sex) life. My second ended because he beat the shit out of me. My DP now is amazing, adores me, desperate for marriage but I'm holding back because my family are arseholes and think both divorces were my fault.

Don't hold back. Life can be too short. You & your partner are FAR more important than your family, who, going by your comments, should be 'no contact'. Don't waste your life living according to their ridiculous judgement!!