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Original poster

To say third marriages....

273 replies

PinkAndFabulous · 15/10/2020 19:05

Are nothing to be ashamed of?

OP posts:
Gypsymorph · 15/10/2020 21:44

It's not really special if you are unhappy or abused

notdaddycool · 15/10/2020 21:47

Knew someone who married three and buried three all in the same church.

Newkitchen123 · 15/10/2020 21:47

@Livelovebehappy

I think if you get it wrong twice, you have to start to think maybe your judgement as far as men are concerned isn’t too good.
Not all marriages end due to breakdown Mine ended when my first husband died. I was 40 I'm on my second marriage People shouldn't be so judgemental
RationalOne · 15/10/2020 21:47

Marry as many times as you want but expect others to take bets on how long this one is going to last ....

Anonymous555 · 15/10/2020 21:47

My 1st marriage ended when my exh decided the kids he'd begged me to have were too restrictive to his social life and the younger girl over the road was more amenable to his social (and sex) life.
My second ended because he beat the shit out of me. My DP now is amazing, adores me, desperate for marriage but I'm holding back because my family are arseholes and think both divorces were my fault.

TiddyTid · 15/10/2020 21:47

My 3rd, DH 2nd although my first I was 18 and stupid as wanted to leave home desperately and it lasted 11 months. My 2nd lasted 20 years.

TiddyTid · 15/10/2020 21:48

Oh and my and DH wedding, we elopedjyst us and the dog x

Megan2018 · 15/10/2020 21:50

I don’t judge!

My closest friend is on her third. Her first marriage was abusive, they split when she was still very early 20’s but had already had a child. Her second marriage was a decade later, he was amazing but died of cancer after far too short a time. 20 years on she married again, very happily to a wonderful man.

My Dad has been married 3 times and my Mum twice (they are divorced from each other).

It really is nobody’s business.

RiftGibbon · 15/10/2020 21:52

I have a friend who wants to get married. Would be third marriage for friend, first for their partner (with whom they have been for 20+ years).
In first marriage - aged 19- spouse was physically abusive.
Second marriage - aged 24 - lasted 10 years. They broke up when spouse was unfaithful.
No children with current partner, but I know they hope one day to overcome their feeling of marriage 3 being a stigma.

EdwardCullensBiteOnTheSide · 15/10/2020 21:55

Twice is acceptable. We all make mistakes. Three times is foolish.

ZaZathecat · 15/10/2020 21:56

A close relative of mine has been married to her third husband for 30 years. The first two cheated on her, the third is a good'un. I wouldn't judge a third marriage.

Planty13 · 15/10/2020 21:56

Ashamed? No. But I can’t imagine bothering the third time round! I’d make an effort to protect myself and my family legally and set any plans in place. But no marriage.

ChrisOnTheBeach · 15/10/2020 21:58

@PinkAndFabulous

Having a 3rd marriage is nothing to be ashamed of at all. Or a 4th marriage, or a 5th etc...........

I actually have a lot more respect for someone who is on their 2nd, 3rd, 4th or 5th marriage etc (in say, 25-30 years,) than someone who stays in a marriage for 30 years, that's been shit/stale/dead/generally toxic for the last 20 years.

They do nothing but complain, but won't leave as it's more convenient to stay. As I say, I have more respect for people who have been married 2, 3, 4, 5 times etc, because it means they didn't stay in their unhappy, toxic marriage.

By the way, I am not talking about people staying in marriages who are terrified to leave because of abuse, I mean people who stay in dead and dull marriages, and complain about it, but won't leave, as they don't have the courage, and/or they are afraid they will be worse off (financially...)

thegreylady · 15/10/2020 21:58

I’m on my third and final marriage.

  1. divorced
  2. widowed
  3. still happy after 32 years
EmbarrassedUser · 15/10/2020 22:02

I’m on my second (and final) marriage 👍 No-one at work knows I was married before as I’m quite embarrassed at the fact I was so young. I just let people assume that this is my first and only marriage.

iolaus · 15/10/2020 22:04

I did have a small internal laugh at my FILs 3rd wedding (his wife's 3th too) when the comment about till death us do part bit (in fairness so did all his kids)

However they are still together and do seem to be happy - and were together for several years when younger before either of them got married - so maybe they will be the exception

FTMF30 · 15/10/2020 22:08

@JuiceBogTrotter

Horrible attitude to have. So what- people should stay with abusive spouses and give up forever after number two?
Is the ultimate goal in life to be married? It's not about giving up on love after number 2, it's more that a wedding would feel meaningless by that point.
yikesanotherbooboo · 15/10/2020 22:11

I read something about Elizabeth Taylor once proposing that she had so many marriages because she was very romantic. That , similar people are always optimistic about romantic love but their expectations get dashed. Their optimism persists however and they allow themselves to fall in love hook line and sinker again and so, repeat the pattern. Having read that I tend to believe it and see those characteristics in people I know. In many ways it is very endearing.

Bluejewel · 15/10/2020 22:12

I’m a 3rd wife , small wedding abroad - married 14 years - it’s my 2nd marriage

cravingthelook · 15/10/2020 22:14

My friend is on her third, first one they were very young and it didn't work out, then she was widowed. She met her third and was super happy so why not.

Shinyletsbebadguys · 15/10/2020 22:15

It's a case by case basis really I would say although really it's got bugger all to do with anyone else (outside their DC anyway).

I've known two selerate people on their 4 th marriage (one set married each other twice but they were in general giant asses so couldn't bring myself to care ).

I think people do judge , I'm divorced and dp and I are together and people always drop their voice slightly when they ask if we are planning to marry.....as if it's a terribly shameful and risque Hmm.

I'm not sure I want to get married again , i know myself if i did and it didn't work out no way in hell would i marry a third time, the whole damn thing is very stressful.

Although whatever i do , i do know this. It's not a single shiny wotsit to do with anyone who i didn't give birth to or may be the person next to me in the registry office.

movingonup20 · 15/10/2020 22:20

No issues with third marriages but I don't think they should be a big ceremony, or rather shouldn't solicit gifts or money!

Guymere · 15/10/2020 22:21

I think second marriages are fairly normal. Someone I know has just had a failed 3rd marriage. She’s 40. First one: 9 months. Second one: 3 years. Third one: 3 years. Obviously time spent in between finding the next one to buy a bigger and bigger diamond engagement ring! White wedding every time. Any future marriage is unlikely to work in my view.

MonkeyDance · 15/10/2020 22:21

My mum was married at 18 - a foolish and immature decision by her own admission. Divorced at 21.

Married my dad at 28, divorced at 37 (he was abusive).

She got together with my stepdad at 40. He had also been divorced twice (in his 20s, a short marriage that also sounded like an immature decision; and in his 30s, where his wife left him for another man!) and had children from his second marriage.

My mum and stepdad have been together for 35 years now and are very happy. I don’t think there is anything to judge about that. They found each other and have been happy ever since. I think they’re very lucky!

tenlittlecygnets · 15/10/2020 22:23

I'm DH's third wife. Third time lucky? Together 25 years. It happens.

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