To say third marriages....

[PinkAndFabulous]

Are nothing to be ashamed of?

My Exh walked out on me and quite literally abandoned us. Married DH this year and got so much support and love. If he did die ( ) and I met someone else ( ) I don’t see why I shouldn’t marry that guy... I wouldn’t have broken my vows at any point after all.

I thought you were going to say “are optimistic!”

I went to a wedding where the woman was on her fourth. A big white Scottish wedding it was too with a full choir dressed in kilts and tartan skirts, 80 for a 5 course sit down meal, wine, champagne, live band - the works. I was hopelessly underdressed in black trousers and a bright jacket and a normal day handbag. Most of the rest of the wedding party looked like they’d raided Coast. Fair play to her - it was a brilliant day and we all had an absolute blast. Do what makes you happy and give no fucks what anyone else thinks.

I want the dress and sit down wedding, neither of which I had before

First wedding I wasn't even allowed to cut my own cake, my dad did it

I think it's quite unkind to think that of someone gets married a third time they don't really mean it or it won't last. You don't really know the circumstances and what's led to that. My friend was widowed after a year in her 20s, and has remarried.

Personally I like marriage for the legal institution more than anything so I'd much rather get married than cohabit, especially if money and children were involved.

I'm also not of the view that divorces are necessarily 'failed' marriages. If DH and I got divorced at some point, having had 20 happy years, I don't see that as a failure particularly.

I'd take 3 happy marriages to nice men over one unhappy life-long marriage any day.

My mum is also in her third. I it clouded my view of marriage somewhat.

I only ever wanted to be married once, I did, two dc and a subsequent divorce that’s me done I think. One exh is quite enough, not sure I could deal with another.

What a horrible, judgemental thread

I think it depends. I definitely wouldn't say shameful, but I might silently judge in some circumstances, especially if you wanted a big fussy third wedding.

If you've been widowed at least once, then I think a third marriage is fair enough. If you've already got divorced twice, then honestly, I would wonder why you'd even bother getting married again, as it would seem that marriage doesn't mean much to you anyway.

Everyone's circumstances are different though. As long as you aren't harming anyone else, it's really none of my business how many times you tie the knot.

My ex left me after 22 years and married the other woman. He’s her 4th husband. And as many jokes about collecting wedding dresses and rings as I’ve since heard, they seem to be blissfully happy together. Me, less so. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Lifes to short to worry about what others think.
Some people spend to much time thinking everyone should live how they do, when they havent had the same experiences in life. Very closed minded.
Stuff them.

Nobody WANTS to be married more than once. But life is messy and complicated, people change etc.

I once performed a marriage ceremony for a lady who cheerfully informed me it was her fifth. She turned up in dress, veil, the works.

I am twice married and twice divorced.
I got married at 18 to someone from another religion and it didn’t work out as he was planning to take a second wife.

Second husband was highly abusive and robbed me blind. I lost my son to him. If it were not for other two children I don’t know if I could of come through it.

The reason I won’t marry my partner is because people would
Judge too much.

I messed up marrying the wrong people but don’t mean I am the problem and years of counselling helped me understand that.

I met a lady who was having her 5th wedding and it was her new husbands 4th. I think sometimes you just have to admit that marriage isn’t your strong point!

Meh I’ve been married twice .. 19 ( in love and forces so could live together) and 31 ( waited 9 years before we tied the knot as I was bitten already) . Both times I’ve given everything and both times they left.

So OP yes I’ve accused myself of being that common denominator .. but you know what I’ve now got the man I was always supposed to be with, 2 beautiful girls and one on way. He really wants us to get married and comments like this are part of what makes me keep saying don’t ask. People don’t end up divorced for the fun of it 😢 I’m incredibly lucky that my friends and family knew I couldn’t have done more and are so happy for me that actually I’ve come out with a better future despite being taken to my lowest by the 2 people I loved and trusted the most

Never been married but I wouldn’t judge Iv had three long term relationships including owning homes together / had dc etc and they’ve all ended . And not taken lightly ending them so I don’t really see how that’s any different to people who have had more than one marriage

This thread is sad. The vast majority of people don’t marry lightly. I think we forget people married younger, had children younger and therefore by the time they’re 55 could have had two 20 year relationships and be happily embarking on a third.

I don’t think there’s anything to be ashamed of, I expect it will happen more as divorce is more socially acceptable and we’re living longer.

I don’t know anyone on their third marriage so I’m surprised so many people have experience of their feelings when someone announces their fifth or sixth.

There’s no such thing as ‘good natured’ eye rolling. Anyone who responded like that would be staggeringly rude.

“I messed up marrying the wrong people but don’t mean I am the problem”

Surely you need to take some personal responsibility for two failed marriages? At least acknowledge your judgement in our people could have been better

My dad is on his fourth marriage. Two of his wives passed away, and one of them left him because they just didn't click anymore.

My mum, dad, and stepparents all had at least 3.

I thought my dad had the record at 5, but my (half) brother claims his mother had 7.

No weddings though, even for the first. Signature at registry at most.

It’s nothing to be ashamed of, but a third marriage, like a second/fourth/fifth etc. doesn’t mean anything.

Vows are meant to be for life, till death do you part, so if you’re doing them again they’re totally pointless.

I think there's very few circumstances in which a third marriage is something to be proud of. Its intended to be a life long commitment so after 2 failed marriages I certainly wouldn't enter into another and I'd most certainly question why somebody else was so eager to.

I like wedding cake

@gabsdot45

I know someone who has been married 3 times. I don;t know what happened with the first guy, They had kids and bought a house together and have remained good friends and good co-parents (her ex has been married 3 times too actually) Second guy turned out to be gay. He was in denial, married her hoping to change and it didn't work Third guy is a friend she had in her teens that turned up in her life again. They seem to be happy. She had a white wedding each time.

A white wedding each time is embarrassingly ridiculous.