To say third marriages....

[PinkAndFabulous]

Are nothing to be ashamed of?

Vows are meant to be for life, till death do you part, so if you’re doing them again they’re totally pointless.

So people who are abused and beaten by their first spouses, or whose first spouses belittle or ignore or cheat on them have no right to make a commitment to anyone else ever again?

Glad I don't have friends like some of you.

I wouldn't even get married twice once was enough but would never presume to assume that someone whose first marriage hadn't worked had failed. What nasty, judgemental people you sound like.

Mother's first to my lovely father was in an empire line gown in 1960. They detested each other.

Her 2nd 1974 was a jolly register office affair - it lasted less than 18 months.

Her 3rd 1981 although she left No 2 for him was a v quiet register office affair - I didn't go and wasn't invited. It has endured.

It would never occur to me to judge someone on this! I love weddings and all the fun, the dress, the cake etc. I’d be happy for them.

Unless they didn’t invite me. The cake hogging bastards.

i dont think its anything to be ashamed off, but I do think why would you do that again?

I know people change when they grow up and they are not always the person you thought they were when you first get together, but after 2 marriage failures, I would judge if you married someone after a few months, if you were going for the 3rd+ marriage after 5 years though, i would be right behind you

ashamed of (not off) of course

Life is miserable enough without judging people for trying to find happiness, and wanting to have a party.

As with Halloween and starting Christmas in November - make whatever fun you can and celebrate everything.

Op, surely you knew this thread would bring out all the judgy pants? Every time a similar thread is started, out they all come, having no imagination about how people arrive in that situation.

Some religions/cultures still require it. This can account for a lot of marriages up to the early 30s in places where people can't just live together but haven't grown up enough to make good decisions.

I am the third wife, my first marriage.
We celebrated our 33rd anniversary last month.
Why judge others if it doesn't affect you?
Also, vows are for life. Really, you think people should spend the rest of their lives in abusive, loveless marriages FGS.

I love love, so of course not! I think a lot of the people who sneer are in long and miserable marriages, and want to drag others down to their level—like “I’ve stuck with misery, everyone else should.” Wouldn’t it be better for people to find the right one on their fourth go, then stay miserable on their first? I know which I would perfect for a loved one!

The only situation I would judge would be someone repeatedly cheating on and leaving people, but that would have nothing to do with the marriage element.

Marriages end for all sorts of reasons—abuse, death, different dreams in life, different values, sexual differences, just not loving each other any more. All valid, and all deserving respect. And you can marry someone who is totally right for you, but one or more of you grows in a difrerent direction. It doesn’t mean you made a bad decision, or that the marriage was worthless, it just means that you’ve grown apart.

Oh God, the wedding vows are meant for life brigade are here... Maybe you should be telling that to the men who break them, resulting in the divorce. Judgy, much?

We only did our ceremony this year and are planning the party next year. DH is planning to refer to this party as my 3rd wedding and offer to hand out loyalty cards in his speech Anyone who would judge me a 2nd wedding needn’t attend!

@Toilenstripes

Interesting how people more freely judge multiple marriages but not the couples who have children without being married. That can predict bad outcomes for children.

I don’t get this. Not sure how not being married is bad for the children. That aside, I doubt being the child from a first marriage whose parents then repeatedly get married to other people is going to have better outcomes then a child with stable unmarried parents.

How where the other marriages/ages if your the 3rd but married for 33 years.

My mum's been married 5 times. That was a fun childhood!

Why would someone feel ashamed of it? I’d be impressed by their optimism. I’ve had one marriage and one divorce and that’s it for me.

Horrible attitude to have.
So what- people should stay with abusive spouses and give up forever after number two?

I think it’s tragic if there are kids involved, I would question whether it was going to last. Possibly the worst pattern would be a short first fun marriage, long second marriage whilst a man took the best years of a woman’s life, got her to raise kids as she was good mother material but she then gets dumped once no child maintenance needs paying for a younger model as the bloke hits mid life crisis -usually ends when the high maintenance third wife is caught bed hopping with someone not needing viagra. It’s a pattern I’ve seen so often amongst rich men (work in accountancy so seen it with clients and work colleagues). Usually first marriage ends no one gives a fuck -they were young, second marriage wife, planning nice children free life into retirement is devastated, third time bloke devastated as everyone secretly thinks serves you right.

My DH married at ages 22, 28 and 33.
I was 27.
@oneformetoo

It's not really special if you're on your third

I have a friend on her 3rd marriage. 1st lasted 7 years, 2nd lasted about 4, 3rd one has lasted about 15 so far. I think she's finally found the one!

Her third wedding was very small - close family only.

I have a cousin, only one year older than me (both early 30s), who is now on her third marriage and has been engaged probably 6 times.

I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of but after a while you do stop caring and start thinking the wedding gift lists are a bit bloody cheeky.

One of my SILs is on her 3rd. She was complaining in the run up to the wedding that her father refused to give her away as she kept coming back

To be fair to him, she was in her 40s and had teenagers and didn’t need giving away at all. I had very serious doubts about the whole thing, I was a BM and it was the tensest wedding I’ve been to for many reasons. I remember swigging wine from a bottle I’d bought with me under the table.

However, it’s actually a very happy seeming marriage and more power to her.

@TrollTheRespawnJeremy

I think 3 is pretty ridiculous. Very poor decision making unless you're unfortunate enough to be widowed twice. (In which case- surely you're a suspect by now.)

My dad was widowed twice. One wife died from pancreatic cancer, another died from a brain haemorrhage. What exactly would you consider him to be a suspect of?

Not ashamed of but I'd only come for the party and I wouldn't bother with a special gift, probably just stick a tenner in a 99p card from card factory. There would certainly be a few raised eyebrows at "till death do us part"