Page 5 | To say third marriages....

marveloustimeruiningeverything · 15/10/2020 20:40

Like most things in life, it depends....

TheDogsMother · 15/10/2020 20:40

Covid allowing we're due to get married in two weeks time. 3rd for him, 2nd for me and we've been together 13 years. His first marriage was unfortunately a mistake for both of them but his last and my only marriage were for about 15 years. Of course it would be perfect if all marriages lasted for ever but life isn't always like that. Everyone's circumstances are different.

lynsey91 · 15/10/2020 20:40

Well personally I would no.t even marry a second time.

I do feel if you can't make 2 marriages work why bother with a third. To keep making vows just seems to make a bit of a mockery of marriage. Maybe they should change the words "till death do us part" to "to divorce do us part"!

A neighbour got married last year. It was her 4th and his 4th. It was a bit white wedding. I thought it was ridiculous especially her wearing a huge wedding dress. No way would me and DH have gone to it even though we were invited

TheDogsMother · 15/10/2020 20:43

Oh and no big frock or big event. Just a small gathering of close friends and family (not that there is a choice on numbers these days !)

LeahDownTheLane · 15/10/2020 20:43

Not for me to judge.
My dad is in his third marriage. My died in an accident, my dad was 25.
Second marriage she had a year long affair with an old school friend and then left when she got caught out.
His third marriage has just made it to their twentieth anniversary.

Shosha1 · 15/10/2020 20:44

I'm on marriage number three.

No.1 at 17 pregnant, within a year was physically abusive. Also alcoholic and a gambler 12 years older than me. Left him at 19.

No.2 married at 28 he cheated from the start although I didn't find out till two years later. Left him straight away.

No.3 married at 40. We will have been married 22 years next week.

staceyflack · 15/10/2020 20:45

Nobody but the bride and grooms business. 💐

Toofaroutallmylife · 15/10/2020 20:45

When we were on our (first and only) honeymoon we met a man who was on his third. He said “first marriage is for love, second marriage is for kids, third is for fun”.

Obviously not a golden rule for life, but it amused me at the time

cookiemon666 · 15/10/2020 20:46

I have been married twice, I don't choose men well. I wont be getting married a third time. This is my personal choice tho. Everyone is an individual

WitsEnding · 15/10/2020 20:46

My 3rd wedding was as small as I could make it and the marriage lasted 8 years. XH continues well, but I’d previously been widowed - that marriage worked and was part of the reason for trying again.

SleepingStandingUp · 15/10/2020 20:48

I do feel if you can't make 2 marriages work why bother with a third which suggests someone like Shosha or Leah's Dad is to blame for the marriage failure. Is it her fault no 1 was abusive, is it either of their faults No2 cheated?

Ok if you marry, cheat, divorce, marry, cheat, divorce something clearly isn't working but most people don't do something BAD A for their marriages to fail

PatriciaPerch · 15/10/2020 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 15/10/2020 20:50

Not shameful but in the USA the divorce rate for third marriages is almost 3 in 4. So statistically unlikely to last

Roussette · 15/10/2020 20:50

My DD dated a guy whose Mum had been married 6 times, it actually might have been 7 times, not sure. Sometimes he said 6, then 7. His Dad was no.3.

He was totally f*ed up and broke her heart.

OneForMeToo · 15/10/2020 20:51

It would completely depend why. Married once to childhood sweetheart young and grew apart, married again but widowed then love of live would be totally different to just divorce divorce after only a few years.

Also a quick shh trip to the registry office vs a huge my big fat wedding would make a huge difference on judging tbh. Ones whispers love between two people the other screams it’s for the show and the attention again...

Same as people who have a baby in every new relationship that then ends. There comes a point when surely you you become cynical and stop.

Coffeepot72 · 15/10/2020 20:52

I have a fabulous friend who is with her third husband - she was widowed twice, so I hope no one judges her. I have another friend, equally fabulous, whose first two husbands treated her dreadfully and subsequently left. She’s now with a really nice guy but she is wary
about re-marrying, having been so unlucky twice before. And she’s also a bit embarrassed to get married for a third time.

AngelicaSchuylerAndHerSisters · 15/10/2020 20:57

What a horrible thread.
I think people who remain happily married after decades are lucky.

Blondiney · 15/10/2020 20:58

Not sure I could be arsed doing it a third time. It all becomes a bit meaningless by that stage.

Livelovebehappy · 15/10/2020 20:58

I think if you get it wrong twice, you have to start to think maybe your judgement as far as men are concerned isn’t too good.

Spiderbaby8 · 15/10/2020 20:59

I wouldn't make a blanket judgement, the circumstances are different in every situation. Some people might just make bad choices, be widowed, left by the other person, end up in an abusive relationship etc etc. If it was from multiple adulteries or other dodgy-ness I might be a little judgy though

timetest · 15/10/2020 20:59

Completely depends on the circumstances.

OwlBeThere · 15/10/2020 20:59

Why would they be? My dad is married to his third wife. They’ve been together for 39 years.

AlternativePerspective · 15/10/2020 21:01

Well, I think you have to question why anyone would feel special being someone’s third (or more) husband or wife...

I mean the whole “you are the love of my life” is a bit meaningless when you’ve previously said it to two/three/more other men/women, and I reckon anyone who would want to be that person is pretty naive...

One of my ex’s from school is now on his 4th marriage. Whenever he gets married she’s “the one, the love, my best friend....” and it’s a bit meaningless really when nobody expects this woman to be any different to the last.

Multiple marriage is surely a bit like serial monogamy.

Toilenstripes · 15/10/2020 21:01

Interesting how people more freely judge multiple marriages but not the couples who have children without being married. That can predict bad outcomes for children.

Goosefoot · 15/10/2020 21:03

@SleepingStandingUp

I do feel if you can't make 2 marriages work why bother with a third which suggests someone like Shosha or Leah's Dad is to blame for the marriage failure. Is it her fault no 1 was abusive, is it either of their faults No2 cheated?

Ok if you marry, cheat, divorce, marry, cheat, divorce something clearly isn't working but most people don't do something BAD A for their marriages to fail

I don't think the implication is that they do something bad, but there may well be some reason that things keep going wrong.

A friend of mine who is Catholic had an interesting experience, after her first marriage to marry again in the Catholic Church she had to go through a process to see if it could be annulled. She hadn't done anything wrong as such, the husband was a serious piece of work, but in the course of the process she had to look pretty hard and honestly at the circumstances around the marriage, how she ended up with him, why she was attracted to him, and so on. She said the whole thing gave her a different perspective about her own actions and thoughts, much of which went back to a kind of lack of boundaries or judgement that probably related to a difficult upbringing. She felt that it probably prevented her from making a similar mistake again.