Page 3 | To say third marriages....

user1471453601 · 15/10/2020 19:58

Well, no, they are not something to be embarrassed about. But really, how many times does it take to realise it's you who is the common denominator?

I'm three times divorced and realised, after my third mariage, that I'm just not cut out for it. Some of us are, some of us arent. And in my view its kinder to others to realise which camp you fall into and act accordingly

YellowBeryl1 · 15/10/2020 19:58

Nasty thread.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 15/10/2020 19:58

I actually think fair play to them and a little envious that they still believe in love! Good on them .
I haven't been married at all

JingsMahBucket · 15/10/2020 19:58

@Callipygion

Is that you Meghan?

You people are weird. And obsessed.

Lalastepmum · 15/10/2020 19:59

@ChristmasStocckings

“I messed up marrying the wrong people but don’t mean I am the problem”

Surely you need to take some personal responsibility for two failed marriages? At least acknowledge your judgement in our people could have been better

I agree very questionable judgement. But it don’t mean that I am to blame. People make a choice to treat people badly. I did not treat either badly and when you been emotionally abused by someone it’s very hard to remember that.

Livelifejoyful · 15/10/2020 19:59

Wow harp at the judgement on this thread! Jheez. Let people love and live, life is for living!

Techway · 15/10/2020 20:00

I messed up marrying the wrong people but don’t mean I am the problem and years of counselling helped me understand that

This is accurate. I am divorced but prior to that a long term live in relationship, so could have been divorced twice. First live in I was very young and 2nd was abusive.

I don't see that I was the issue, just unfortunate to be targeted by Ex H and too trusting.

I do judge if people move into relationships quickly, marriage or living together, especially if children involved as that is just unfair on the children.

Newmumatlast · 15/10/2020 20:00

@Honeydukesmum

Meh I’ve been married twice .. 19 ( in love and forces so could live together) and 31 ( waited 9 years before we tied the knot as I was bitten already) . Both times I’ve given everything and both times they left.

So OP yes I’ve accused myself of being that common denominator .. but you know what I’ve now got the man I was always supposed to be with, 2 beautiful girls and one on way. He really wants us to get married and comments like this are part of what makes me keep saying don’t ask. People don’t end up divorced for the fun of it 😢 I’m incredibly lucky that my friends and family knew I couldn’t have done more and are so happy for me that actually I’ve come out with a better future despite being taken to my lowest by the 2 people I loved and trusted the most

You should get married. It makes no sense to me not to marry the love of your life when you married people who didnt deserve you (it later transpired) before that. You and your new partner and your children shouldn't feel tied to your past mistakes or those of others. Totally up to you but ignore judgement from others.

AintPageantMaterial · 15/10/2020 20:00

SIL is on her 5th. It’s lasted 17 years so far and shows every sign of being her last. I didn’t meet her until she was on her 4th. She’s never seemed ‘flighty’ to me although she does have a tendency to try to rescue people. It’s always seemed a rather surprising and slightly exotic thing about her to me.

Newmumatlast · 15/10/2020 20:03

Any judgement I would pass would be totally subjective. If someone was getting married for the third + time because they jump into it with every partner regardless or always cheat or treat their partners badly so that they leave, I would judge. If they made brave decisions after trying hard to leave I wouldn't. Same too if they suffered a loss of a partner or their partner was abusive or cheated or anything at all like that. You cant predict those things. I have more respect for someone who tries but moves on when they really should and ends up with multiple marriages than someone with one marriage that is a shitty one. The institution of marriage deserves more as to the people involved, surely

TicTac80 · 15/10/2020 20:03

I wouldn't judge, it's not my place to and none of my business. We don't know the reasons that people have married more than once.

I'm married...but in the midst of a divorce. When I got married, I was planning to be in it for life (i.e. til death us do part), and I meant every word of my vows (I'm sure people don't go into marriage lightly). However, I didn't bank on STBXH morph from the lovely guy I married, to someone addicted to drugs and alcohol (and all the destructive, abusive crap that goes with that).

Would I get married again? I don't think so.

Sunshineonarainydayy · 15/10/2020 20:03

So those in abusive marriages shouldn't be allowed to escape and find happiness? You don't always know how your marriage will turn out. You don't always get a say, you are putting your faith in your partner who may or may not turn out to be an absolute shithead.

Devaki · 15/10/2020 20:04

My mum has been married 3 times.
First time to my Dad - they were very young , had 3 kids and divorced after 15 years .
Second time to an abusive alcoholic- marriage lasted only a year or so.
Third time to her rock and best friend who has looked after her through cancer. They’ve been married for 5 years.

Al circumstances are different. Who am I to judge?

DeliciouslyFemale · 15/10/2020 20:04

I know a woman in her 50s who is on her 5th marriage. She always ends up marrying horrible men. I’ve met a few of them. I go between feeling sorry for her, to being angry at her, because her youngest is still a teenager.

jessstan1 · 15/10/2020 20:05

You're not at all unreasonable, I've known people have a very long and happy third marriage.

SleepingStandingUp · 15/10/2020 20:06

Why would it be?

My cousin divorced the first because he was abusive. The second died shortly after their marriage. Why should she be shamed for hopefully finding lasting love?

Honeydukesmum · 15/10/2020 20:07

Newmumatlast - thank you. I will definitely continue to think about it especially after this munchkin appears. Will definitely be a quiet thing ( although last time was literally the 2 of us as the state we married in doesn’t need witnesses )

Longdistance · 15/10/2020 20:09

Well, myself I’m married. If god forbid we split or if dh died that’s it for me. I’m not doing it again.
I can see a second marriage as, yeah the first one didn’t work, other underlying issues. Third? I’d think, erm, why bother?
My mil married someone on their 3rd marriage, but that was more to do with pensions tbh. She was 63 at the time. Her now dh has a police pension.
I worked with someone who was on his 3rd marriage, fifth child. He was 42. I just think, really? He was a tosser anyway, so probably the reason why he has had so many marriages.

WatchTooMuchBelowDeck · 15/10/2020 20:10

*JuliaJohnston

gabsdot45

I know someone who has been married 3 times.
I don;t know what happened with the first guy, They had kids and bought a house together and have remained good friends and good co-parents (her ex has been married 3 times too actually)
Second guy turned out to be gay. He was in denial, married her hoping to change and it didn't work
Third guy is a friend she had in her teens that turned up in her life again. They seem to be happy.
She had a white wedding each time.

A white wedding each time is embarrassingly ridiculous*

It's really not. Or at least not any more than the first time. They are free to celebrate in any way they want. Maybe it was husband no3's first wedding? Maybe they just wanted a big party to celebrate their commitment, just like everyone else who has a big wedding. It's totally up to them and not at all ridiculous.

nevermorelenore · 15/10/2020 20:10

It would depend on the situation. People live for longer nowadays, so it's going to be more common for people to get married more than once.

I worked with someone who was about to become someone's wife no.5. They were having a big white wedding, but had to postpone it as his last divorce wasn't finalised. And she got very arsey that they couldn't do it in a church. Three weddings is just amateur by comparison.

TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 15/10/2020 20:10

It's just greed imo. Some of us haven't even been married once

PatriciaPerch · 15/10/2020 20:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WatchTooMuchBelowDeck · 15/10/2020 20:14

I DON'T CARE not sure why I have commented

I feel like this should be my MN tagline, if such things existed

HowFastIsTooFast · 15/10/2020 20:14

Each to their own! I'm divorced and while I would marry DP in the future I know that for me I'm done with the 'big wedding' malarkey. I'm not proud of being divorced (although I'm much better off without him) and it would rub salt into my own wound I think.

DP and I would slip off to the registry office just us and a couple of witnesses, or do it in Vegas or something.

I don't judge people who feel differently though.

Enko · 15/10/2020 20:14

My father has been married 5 times. Twice to the same woman.

My mother left him for OM

2nd wife was a mistake (aiming for the opposite of what he had w my mother) He left her.

3rd and 4th wife he was with for 15 years with a split about 5 years in where they were apart for 2 years they both said the day their degree nichi came through they both thought " what have I done" and they got back together. 2nd time it lasted 10 years. Mutual decision to split. They are still friendly (though no longer live close to each other)
Both say they remarried due to my fathers' pension that if anything happened to him would sustain her and her children.

Wife no 5 he was in his 60th met what I think was the right woman for him and they had 9 happy years together until she just didn't wake up one morning. He wants to be buried next to her.

For many years I felt no 2 3&4 didn't work because he had never truly gotten over my mother. (he did not want the divorce she pushed it) However, when I saw him, w wife, no 5 I saw a side of him I had never seen. He was content happy and settled. I don't recall that with the ones in between.

I will also add here my father is autistic so I do suspect over the years he would have been difficult to live with.

I have never judged him on his marriages. I didn't attend any of them though as with no 2 & 3 they invited no one and by no 4 and 5 I was living in a different country.

If anything I have always said that it means he is the eternal optimist.