To say third marriages....

[PinkAndFabulous]

Are nothing to be ashamed of?

My ex was at a fourth wedding (he had been married to her then divorced, married someone else divorced, married someone else divorced then went back to number one). His family understandably didn’t buy presents and his best man recycled his suit and speech each time just changing the name each time. Do what you like just don’t expect other people to spend money/ take you seriously.

I love a good wedding, if my friends got married multiple times it would just be more excuses for a big piss up together in fancy dresses!

It's a bit mad. Once is enough for me. Can't see the point of doing the same thing again.

@cherrybakewellll

As someone who has been married twice (one ExH, current one should last ) I've always said one you can say was a mistake, by the second divorce there's a common denominator.

Lovely. I have two divorces. I have two fucking idiots of exes. The second didn't show his true nature until after the wedding - the first I was young and naive, he hit me -maybe it was my fault I chose two abusers. But you know what NO ONE spotted number two's character, not my parents, friends or even my work (he worked with my team).

But maybe I CAUSED them to become like that being the common denominator ...........or maybe abusive men don't reveal their true colours that quickly.

If I EVER did it again, it would be just me and him and the children and no big deal. However, more likely to do it after I have dated for 10 years.

Think Goldilocks...

The vast majority of people don’t marry lightly

I think a lot do it to keep a partner, because it’s expected of them or don’t think about the actual commitment/lifetime vows as they want their big day.

Few people care apart from the first one (as a guest, family, friend I mean).

Get married ten times if you wish but please don't invite me to all of them. LOL.

I know (too well) someone on her 5th husband. I'm think they are going on 20 years now. And she's 15 years older. He's not above the odd emotional affair though.

Hmm, I do think 3 is questionable. However, my mum was my dads 3rd wife and it absolutely was a red flag in their case. He had 2 kids with the first, 5 with the 2nd (none of which he saw) and married my mum when he was 35 and she was 22. Needless to say he was neither a good husband or father and I really think my mum was at best very naive. So I am biased I will admit. But for me it would be a red flag.

Ashamed, no, not unless there is more to it. But I think some reflection might be called for if it hasn't already happened.

I went to a concert once, Steve Earle, and he mentioned in passing in a song introduction that his therapist had told him that he chose partners that could never work because really he just wanted to be alone. I think he's just finished marriage #8, I guess he must be an optimistic person.

My dad has been married four times, I think the current one will stick, in his case it mainly reflected MH issues.

If I married mine , I'd be wife no. 3 We've been together over 20 years

Honestly - I don't even want to go to Step-BIL's second wedding, I can't watch him promise to love and be faithful to this second woman after he cheated on the first, without rolling my eyes.

I think 3 is pretty ridiculous. Very poor decision making unless you're unfortunate enough to be widowed twice. (In which case- surely you're a suspect by now.)

This sums it up perfectly.

Of course they are not I wouldn't of wasted my time on marriage number one if ide of known a few months in he was going to be shagging someone else.

It depends on the person. Some people just aren't cut out for marriage so watching them try to shoe horn themselves into something you know deep down is not going to work is actually quite sad.

On the other hand some people love being married and are very good at it.

Multiple marriages and divorces can also quickly strip you of your assets, so for me head would rule heart and I wouldn't want to risk it.

It's unique to each situation.

It’s very easy to be smug.

Who knows what life might do to you? After several instances of my life falling apart due to external factors I’ve learned that smugness is simply embarrassing

I went to a sixth wedding once - big white dress, gifts expected - of a friend's mum.

Her own friends and family were muttering about being expected to sit and listen to her promise to love another one forever when she got bored after a few years every time. So yes, I did judge her for going through the whole charade and dramatically declaring the love of her life forever and ever forsaking all others only to divorce them a few years later - why bother marrying?! Just live together ffs.

There are obviously circumstances beyond some people's control that are why they remarry multiple times.

I think it's more multiple weddings I find weird and insincere, rather than the actual marriage - I think of weddings as the big public declaration of forever (which looks a bit silly after a few) whereas marriage is just a contract which can be useful for long-term relationships.

Fine as long as they don't expect third wedding gifts.

@cherrybakewellll

As someone who has been married twice (one ExH, current one should last ) I've always said one you can say was a mistake, by the second divorce there's a common denominator.

Wow glad I don’t know you. My best friend was married, he almost killed her. She found a lovely man and was so happy, he was killed on his way home from work by a drunk driver. She refuses to marry the wonderful man she’s with now, Too scared it will go wrong. But hey, guess it must her fault. This is a nasty judgemental thread.

To be fair to third-time-rounders, not every marriage that ends is ended by divorce. I have a friend who was widowed, has remarried and is now very sadly likely to be widowed for a second time. If she chooses to remarry in the future, I wouldn't judge her for a minute.

I judge no one on their lifestyle and partner choices except maybe my MIL....yes definitely my MIL- shes onto groom 5 and there is a clear common denominator!!

I think 3 is pretty ridiculous. Very poor decision making unless you're unfortunate enough to be widowed twice. (In which case- surely you're a suspect by now.) So one"bad"'choice and I widowing is what? Or the face that many men don't become abusive until marriage / pregnancy?

I think it's more multiple weddings I find weird and insincere, rather than the actual marriage - I think of weddings as the big public declaration of forever (which looks a bit silly after a few) whereas marriage is just a contract which can be useful for long-term relationships.

Yeah, this element can be a little weird. If the other person hasn't been married before I'd consider it a "first" wedding, but something a little more subdued seems appropriate for a subsequent wedding. Not as if they are ashamed, but all the trappings of asking bridesmaids to buy dresses, or an expectation of gifts, can seem a bit crass. I don't know that I'd marry again, but if I did and wanted a big party, I'd probably not make it an offixial wedding event so people wouldn't expect that sort of thing.

@TrollTheRespawnJeremy

I think 3 is pretty ridiculous. Very poor decision making unless you're unfortunate enough to be widowed twice. (In which case- surely you're a suspect by now.)

Is this a joke? I can't tell.

I lost my first husband when I was 24. I've been with DH for 14 years, if something happened to him am I somehow to blame?

I have a colleague who has been married 3 times. Her 1st husband died young and her 2nd turned out to be a shit. You never know how things are going to work out.