I sometimes wonder - do people realise that we already think about deaths of people who are very elderly differently than those who are younger in managing healthcare? Not because the health system is run by asshats, but because it's the only way to do it both rationally and also compassionately. When people plan as if the elderly won't die it tends to produce bad policies that do diddly-squat to help them
I’m so glad you’ve said this. It’s almost taboo to discuss because people think that we are saying the elderly don’t matter. This is quite the opposite and something very personal to me which id like to share.
Someone in my family is approaching 94. While not suffering from dementia, she is very forgetful and is often confused. One thing she relies heavily on is family visiting, in particular her son. During lockdown she visibly deteriorated, often saying she wished she was dead and asking why her son ‘wasn’t bothered’ with her any more, wasn’t she loved? Etc etc. This was incredibly distressing for her son. Despite the fact he locked himself away for month so he could safely visit, he was continually denied access. In the meantime, other people were allowed to go to pubs / bars etc then come to work and paint her nails, brush her hair etc while her own son wasn’t able to even hold her hand. Eventually, one of the carers did indeed, bring Covid into the home. Thankfully my family member did not contract it.
However, she did become exceptionally depressed, frightened, confused and wishing death upon herself until finally, after a huge amount of effort / letters / meeting etc, arrangements have been made for the son to visit with safety measures in place. But this has only happened as an exception.
Like many elderly people time is NOT on her side. By being honest about this does not mean they are not cared for. But making their last year or two of life lonely, sad and soul destroying when they ARE going to die soon seems so cruel. Is it a case of ‘well as long as it’s not from Covid’ then it’s ok? Do we stop visiting elderly people full stop every year from now on? Because I worked in a residential home and before Covid every year we would lose several people from flu / pneumonia but keeping people away from families wasn’t considered.