Cried in front of her-can’t control her

[Minttea77]

My Dd 2.5 years has started to have mammoth meltdowns, I spend my whole day stopping her from doing things she shouldn’t, chucking everything everywhere and now she’s been refusing the afternoon nap, although is clearly tired. Yesterday she had a fit at her ballet lesson and stood in the corner crying and shouting at the teacher. This afternoon she refused to nap and just had the biggest meltdown I’ve seen, screaming and hitting me, I ended up locking myself in the bathroom and crying, god knows what the neighbours think.
I can’t carry on much longer, I barely get a break, I’m with her all day then go to teach when dp returns from work, we take it turns to sleep with her every other night and then the day starts all over again.
I’m ashamed she saw me cry and how angry I got with her, I picked her up and shouted at her, she’s barely heard me shout before.
Is this normal behaviour, how can you control it, really finding this so difficult.

Not read the full thread - but I can't understand why you're getting a hard time for trying ballet. It's not proper ballet at that age - just a nice activity to socialise them.

Totally agree, but these things work better for some toddlers than others

Should she have such strong boundaries at this age?

If she is throwing tantrums whenever she doesn’t get her own way, then, yes she should.

[quote Minttea77]@MintyMabel Should she have such strong boundaries at this age?
I don’t know, I’m an Early years teacher, which I accept is different to a ballet teacher, but she wasn’t being ‘Naughty’ she just wouldn’t (couldn’t?) sit at all times as instructed or line up in the correct manner at all times..she didn’t want to..perhaps she is ‘Naughty’ then? Or is she just too little?! To me, my approach with little ones (work wise) wasn’t to attempt to force at that age and try to make it fun.
Regardless, from the second lesson onwards, we’ve had two lessons with lots of crying and clinging on to me, so it’s obviously not fun for her anymore.[/quote]
Jury is out as to whether or not 2.5 is old enough to be expected to do as they're told, especially for teachers (i would say yes but i expect others wouldn't) but if she isn't capable of following instructions then i don't think it's fair on the teacher or the other children to take her to the classes. Especially if they cost money. There's nothing more annoying than not being able to enjoy a lesson because the teacher has to keep stopping to tell someone off.

If she's not there yet in terms of behaviour then that's fine, it's up to you to decide how you want to parent her, but the considerate thing to do would be to avoid situations where she will be expected to follow instructions, as it's not really fair on the others.

Ask yourself this, how many of the class were running around “exploring the room”?

I think it sounds like your doing an amazing job, keep doing what you are and as posters have said it's a phase because my little one certainly went through it. Your daughter has a very loving caring mother

Heya so I'm not super nanny but my son is 2yrs 6months. It's a tough age

I find distraction massively works, I dint pander to the tantrum or keep trying to reason. We just 'move on' as such.

Either counting 1 to 10 or reciting abcs works for small tantrums for my boy, bog ones need more, maybe loving him to a new area away from what started it.

It really is just hard. So so hard. And noisy and stressful. Try to keep your cool as best you can, you cant control her but you can show her how to cope xx

• big

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Cant type!

Ah sorry you had a shit day OP. Hang in there.

My advice would be to always feed the beast on time (my dads advice actually).

Never back down from no.

Routine is king, and very calming for most children but you have to stick to it.

Remember the screaming and crying is just noise, as long as shes safe and cant hurt herself on anything close by, then you're fine to just walk away from her bedroom/playroom for a minute and gather yourself. Drink a cold glass of water, 5 deep breaths and push forward.

Mine started refusing naps at about this age, so I just moved bed time an hour earlier and we were both happy.

As an aside, I was pretty strict with my first (Supernanny was all the rage) and I was convinced that unless I was consistent/firm and followed through with the naughty step etc, he would turn out to be a delinquent. The moment that he showed signs of acting up, I would feel panicked at the loss of control and would assume things to be far worse than they were. Second child I was much more laid back. I've been less consistent/more flexible, had less rules and she has never been on a naughty step. She is just as well behaved as my first. The moral of the story is that, if you are a nice person, are well mannered, responsible and polite, your children will grow up to be the same as they follow by example. I have a lot of friends who have all adopted different parenting techniques and the kids have all turned out well. Rest assured that, just by you being yourself, you will be setting a good example for her to follow and she will turn out fine. So please stop panicking about this temporary phase. It will pass and she will turn out just fine.

I haven't read the whole thread but the advice I always give about tantrums is to think of it as something that's happening to get rather than that she's doing. She is having very strong emotions (about a nap ) and doesn't know how to deal with them.

It's totally normal but there is literally no point whatsoever trying to discipline her when she's in the middle of a tantrum, you have to wait for it to blow through. Stay as calm as you can, cuddle if necessary, and don't panic. I know that's easier said than done! I definitely don't think a grey Rick ignoring thing helps but if you stay calm and sympathetic it will help her to calm down.

Sometimes you can distract them before they have a tantrum but it sounds like this is caused by the dreaded Nap Dropping so you might just have to wait it out. Shouting is not ideal but completely normal and understandable and now she knows mummy is not a robot!!

As for ballet - if it's not fun, ditch it.

I thought the baby ballet classes were great. The teacher was fairly relaxed though and parents sat in the room with the toddlers. I found it good to see how other parents encouraged/persuaded their children to join in. There were many parents that struggled getting their child to behave and sometimes the children had a bad week but it was a learning curve and I think both the parents and children benefited from a short structured activity once a week.

I think it helped ease my child into the transition to nursery and then school.

Hang in there, Op. I can recall being reduced to tears by DS's behaviour at a similar age. Pretty much age 2 to about 4.5 were really rough. I always felt more anxious about bad behavior out in public with him. Maybe reduce your scheduled activities, and give yourself a bit of a break.

This, too, shall pass!

I read Toddler Taming by Dr Christopher Green. Both mine are autistic and adhd but it helped me to understand what was going on in their heads a bit more.

It also sounds like your daughter might be overstimulated because my younger daughter gets like this.

@MyShinyWhiteTeeth That was my thinking too

@MintyMabel I’d say around 2-3 of the other girls (small class of only 6 allowed) the ones on the younger side. The ones almost 3 were very different.

@Ohalrightthen Yes, as soon as I saw this happening, my Dd was sat with me, so no distraction to the others. A few of the others were similar. It is tricky for the teacher (I know from experience!) but also it was always my role to know how to have the children participate by lots of encouraging jumping around and tricks to have them attempt to join in with some parts.
I certainly would know how most 2 year olds would act and account for that.

Around 2 or 3? I’d have thought it would be clear it’s either 2 or 3 of them.

But we get it, you prefer to let her run free and believe that’s ok. Absolutely fine if that’s your choice, but ask yourself whether those ones are throwing tantrums all day. And, as PP said, not fair on the others to have to put up with that.

I really do think all kids are different. I've got 3 and behaviour has been so varied even though I feel like I've parented them as similarly as I can. My youngest, now 4, is only just coming out of this phase now, he's still hard work but not everyday. He is very stubborn and would not give in with anything so even though I would just let him get on with his meltdowns he just wouldn't ever stop. It was exhausting. My main bit of advice is to get yourself a regular break away to unwind, wether that be a hobby or just spending time away from home. Also make sure your partner gets the same so it's fair for you both, being a parent is hard, so so hard but remember you are more then just mum and you need to make sure you don't completely lose yourself in motherhood. That mum guilt when you lose patience with them is the worst feeling in the world and the only way to try and keep that patience is to get those breaks. Good luck

There were many parents that struggled getting their child to behave

^^it isn’t about them behaving because they are 2. It’s about some children are naturally very compliant and some are naturally more free spirited. If yours is compliant it’s great if not then it isn’t.

But we get it, you prefer to let her run free and believe that’s ok. Absolutely fine if that’s your choice, but ask yourself whether those ones are throwing tantrums all day. And, as PP said, not fair on the others to have to put up with that.

The child is 2 years old 🤦🏻‍♀️

Its totally her age and totally normal they have so many big emotions that they can't process yet. All you can do is ride it out. If any kicking hitting biting i would tell off and pick your battles. By age 3 they get better still happen but less explosive and less frequent. You can begin to reason with them and they have more understanding.

@MintyMabel Is it your intention to make me feel shitter than I already do today? It feels like, I don’t understand why.

I’m not sure if it was 2 or 3 or 4 or 5...I know that in the few lessons we’ve had, on different occasions there have been instances of some of the girls running round, sometimes throwing fits and crying whilst parents popped in and out and other times where they all danced in a circle beautifully together, holding hands.

Has that cleared it up for you?...Jesus.

In my experience its.
Terrible Twos.
Threenager.
FuckinghellFours
FuckmeFives.

Half joking but please don't be hard on yourself op.

@Minttea77 yep that’s her intention

Thank you to everyone for the valuable advice, I really do appreciate it, so hard to know what to do for the best sometimes 💐

Feeling a bit more clear headed now she’s in bed and I’m alone to reflect...bloody horrendous though, tomorrow is a new day.

@Teateaandmoretea Odd, isn’t it 🤷🏻‍♀️