Cocklodgers - Myth or Reality? Vote please.

[GarlicMonkey]

Been chatting about my own short lived, but significant, historic cocklodger experience with DP. Mine was such an entited baby & although I got him out of my house (back to his mum's back bedroom) & my bank balance pretty quick, it took ages to shake him off completely. I'd wrecked all of his dreams, robbed him of his future, waa, waa, strop.... aye mate, your future of eternally living like a teenager while I provide for you.

DP thinks it must have been a one off because 'there surely can't be many people like that?'. My single friend has explained to him her online dating strategy for early cocklodger detection (it's great, she should publish it) after being stung once but he's still pretty stunned & in denial.

So, are they rare & me & my friendship group have just been unlucky, or are they a definite thing to be on guard for?

YABU - No, they're not a thing.
YANBU - Yes, they're a thing.

Any stories also appreciated.

Unfortunately I came across two. Both were very wounded when made to leave, couldn’t see what they were doing was wrong because “you were paying for everything before I moved in anyways”. Sure your 1 hour showers, constant need to heat the house and 40 a day smoking habit costs me nothing. I have however now found an amazing man who shares everything and does housework and cooks, I didn’t think they existed.

Both of my former husbands were cocklodgers. I'm not marrying again.

Definitely a thing, my youngest two children's dad was one. I went back to work when our baby was 6 weeks old, still breastfed and he literally did nothing except watch them, no tidying up, no work, nothing. He did complain I was too tired to shag him and put the effort in to look nice though.

Another ex tried years ago, he asked me to marry him on the day he got his eviction notice, used to come eat at mine constantly, then the one time he invited me to his to eat, i discovered he had scammed some money (about £50) from my friend to treat me, and i ended up with the cheapest of the cheap chicken nuggets while he pocketed the money.

I've been luck, but then I have no problem asserting my boundaries.
BTW you have to share your friend's strategy with us.

The truth is definitely out there. Just become suddenly and traumatically single and at a low ebb and watch them emerge en masse from the swamp to keep you company by sleeping in your house and help you spend your money.

I've seen a new term on mnet..
Hobosexual.

Place Mark for friends strategy....
I know a few men like this, split up with current partner and are in another woman’s house by the next month.

My sister kicked hers out just before lockdown in Ireland. Hes now homeless after being kicked off his friends sofa.

Definitely a thing.

Definitely real. I'm embarrassed how long I put up with mine, though he was very, very good at making me feel that it was my fault his business empire plans had come to naught while I slaved all day to pay the mortgage and all bills. Also thank christ the mortgage was just in my name!

Hobosexual sounds exactly right!

Yanbu. Every woman I know, bar the ones that went on to marry their first loves so didn't enter the dating pool as adults, has had a run in with at least one.

Hobosexual! 😂😂

My friend is good with the online chat & has series of questions she gets answered in conversantion & marks them out of 10. Above a certain score is danger territory. I'll ask her for the list.

There were 2 threads here recently about this species. Both coming to their long time female partners (one even had children with her), stuff their faces, use all utilities and go home with all their needs met while contributing zero to their partner household.

Go over to Relationship board

I agreed to let one stay with me for six months, rent free, while he paid off his debts.

After the six months was up, he was stunned when I told him it was time to get his own flat. Of course he’d barely dented his debt. When he then started talking totally seriously about buying a samurai sword, as an investment, I ended it.

He spent three days crying on my doorstep about how he couldn’t live without me, he wanted to marry me and might have to kill himself now.

Things went quiet for a week, and then he called me in great distress because he was due to move in with his new girlfriend the coming weekend but she’d been rushed into hospital and what was he going to do now? Where would he live? Woe woe woe, no mention of how his poor new girlfriend was.

A year later, out of the blue, he got in touch to ask if I minded if he asked my best friend out.

My ex was on the next level. Lived in my house, drove my car and argued about every spend (ie bald tyre on the car) then when I finally kicked his lazy ass out, he wanted me to give him £5k to cover what he had spent on my house. Erm yeah right mate. Me thinks not! Twat.

They are definitely a thing. My sister had two kids with and married one. She was a bus driver working ridiculous hours, she would leave the house around 5.30am and not get home until at least 6pm or later. She would get home to dirty pots strewn everywhere and her H sat on the sofa having played Xbox all day long. Their wedding was an attempt to fix things but thankfully my sister finally saw the light and they split up.

What do you mean by "paddy strop"

@cees

What do you mean by "paddy strop"

Threw a toddler tantrum. A paddy when they stamp their feet, a strop when they go all indignant then start to cry.

You also get Cocklodger Lite.
My single female friends regularly have ‘dates’ suggested to them which consist of the CL going over to their home empty handed, getting a meal cooked for them, their sexual needs being seen to and off they go.

Yes they are real. There's lots of men who believe it's a woman's role to look after the house and wait in the man. This is bad enough. But cocklodgers think it's great that women have jobs/ careers/ an income so they can fund everything as well. Not fair? Well the CL thinks so because he's so special the woman should WANT to effective pay for his company.

My ex was a bit like that. Didn't want to get a job because he was sure he would be a famous rock star one day (spoiler: he isn't) and needed all day to practice his music. When I asked how he was going to fund his lifestyle he actually said "well you earn enough for us ..." I didn't have "a dream" like his which he felt he must follow. He couldn't help it you know, it was his destiny.

He was so indignant when I dumped him. He still thought I'd see the error of my ways and kept saying to mutual friends that I'd be sorry when he was famous and on MTV. Er, no.

Not sure he changed that much. Managed to marry a nice lady with a successful career and family money. Still not a rock star though!

Indeed but it also happens with women too. Anyone with earned wealth has to be very careful about marriage today. To many people see marriage as their meal ticket. They can avoid having to buy a home or actually go to work or even push themselves for a high paid job. All because their partner is prepared to make those sacrifices for themselves and they can take the free ride. I would change the law on this so if kids are not involved effectively you take away from a relationship/marriage what you put in.

The very same cocklodgers seem to end up giving you a Sexually transmitted Debt.

Mine, after he had lost his business, told me he couldn't face working again. When I agreed that it would be nice to pack up work, he said 'but somebody has to work'. That would be me then. Took me years to get rid.

Yes to cocklodger lite. I've had 3 perfectly nice seeming chaps turn up at my house for dinner totally empty handed.
I'm not sure if it's a younger generation thing or a total lack of good manners; when my old dad was dating again a couple of years ago he would always take posh chocolates, expensive wine and a bouquet for the lady.

Im lucky as I appear to have a severe allergy to cocklodgers. Any attempt to get me to pay apart from half (and even then, in the early days, that is suspect) is met with me having to expel them from my life.

But I would love to see the list of questions!!!! I bet she has some great dating strategies!!!