To wonder why there are so many posts about how shit being a mum is?

[changednamealways]

I get there will always be people struggling, and things like PND play a big part. But everything is so doom and gloom and everyone on here seems to despise being a mum. Am I the only one who thinks it's not that bad, more the best thing I've ever done? Why do people find this so boring and I find it amazing? And that is with having PND for 3 months after ds was born

I was predominantly a single parent when I raised DC and I think that was 1000 times easier than trying to do it with a shit partner! If they’re going to be no use anyway then all they do is drag you down and make life harder. I loved being a Mum to young DC and would have happily had several more DC (I stuck at 2) and spent my time looking after them had I been very rich! However I do think there is still this societal pressure of settle down, buy a house, have kids, etc and more women should think about what they really want. I wanted DC but that isn’t for everyone and no one should feel it’s their “only” choice in life. My DD is 30 and doesn’t know if she ever wants DC. I have (I think) been honest with her about the realities and agreed that there are numerous plus points to not having children.

Being a mum is bloody hard work, even without CV and all the stress that comes with it! Sometimes it feels like shit but it also brings joy. The best joy I've ever known.

Well that poster particular had children with significant SEN, I’m guessing you don’t? Life is totally different, you are a different person

@Elsewyre

Because people need to be a "victim" today, they need something they're suffering from to have any standing on the internet.

Even f in this case the thing they're suffering under is a very expensive luxury they actively chose to have

@Elsewyre - this is a really uncaring and un-empathetic attitude! Shame on you.

I think Covid and the extra huge burden on women may have something to do with it.

I had noticed the same, it made me feel quite sad but also I don’t know their personal circumstances. I imagine lockdown/homeschooling/COVID in general has not helped!

@Elsewyre

Because people need to be a "victim" today, they need something they're suffering from to have any standing on the internet.

Even f in this case the thing they're suffering under is a very expensive luxury they actively chose to have

That’s a bit over simplified isn’t it? Does that many any expression of difficulty/anger/stress in life is being a ‘victim’? Where do you draw the line exactly?

Maybe rather than people performing the idea that they’re having a hard time...is actually them having a hard time.

I have two of the best children. They are capable and well behaved.

I am also worn out by them and keeping things steady for them.

I work full time, back doing a school run due to Covid and the bus company not allowing my daughter to use the bus. I am attempting to keep the house clean and tidy.

I find it so hard doing this on my own. It's not how I thought it would be.

I wouldn't ever not want my children but it's ok to say that parenting and life in general has some lows as well as highs

Because at the end of the day you're totally responsible for one or more tiny humans. No matter how exhausted you are or how little sleep you've had.

Covid response has destroyed support mechanisms. There is no end in sight.

What do you expect? It's shit. Watching the dreams and hopes you had for your children go down the pan.

I'd imagine many of them have very small children. It is tough then when you don't get a minute to yourself and no proper sleep. I didn't find much solace in fellow parents back then either because no one wanted to be honest about the bad bits plus I was dealt an exceptionally bad hand - fractured family relationships, unemployment, financial difficulties, terminal illness in family member, child with possible additional needs.

Things are definitely easier as they get older and you're well worn in by then. The empty nest and my own health needs (or dh's) will be the next challenge.

It's tough for people now with the knock on effect of covid: eg unemployment, financial difficulties, illness, isolation -not to mention how it impacts on the wellbeing of their children, too

I'm with you on this. It is the best thing I've ever done. I feel lucky every day.

Because it's not the perfect, dreamy,soft focus fantasy we are sold day in day out. So, the reality is a huge shock. If you haven't spent much time around children , I can imagine it as being a bit like being hit by a juggernaut . Theres a tsunami of things to take on: the emotional toll, the lack of adult contact, the sheer hard work it can often be, partners who might not be any help,the organisation needed,the feeding worries, the milestone hitting worries,nursery or not worries etc,etc ,etc.

All women are different
All children are different
All OP/DH are different (and some are out of the picture completely)
All financial situations are different
All housing situations are different.

That is why so many mothers find parenting so shit. Because not everyone has a perfect life. HTH.

In real life, especially during lockdown, I've been Mary-fucking-Poppins. Always there to cheer the kids up and put a positive spin on things because thats what is needed. And there have been positives to find. Mumsnet is my safe space for being a miserable cow if I want to.

To wonder why there are so many posts about how shit being a mum is?

Because being a parent IS shit. People should be allowed to vent and admit regret and not have it dismissed as PND every single time. Often times it’s just plain old regret and longing for the old life!

@ConiferGate it's not tedious to everyone. You're doing the same thing everyone else is moaning at me for and assuming that everyone hates it.
Btw to those people, it's very obvious everyone has different experiences and opinions, actually stated that in the OP haha
I agree with some others who've said I feel sorry for the children they're bitching about, when they have nothing nice to say about them. That sort of aura will rub off on a kid, they notice. I'm talking about SOME posters who sound like they downright hate their children, when I think about it I couldn't write some of the stuff people do, even anonymously, I'd feel so guilty

No it isn't bad at all. Most of the time it is great I've vented on those threads.
I wouldn't change them for anything in the world everyone has an off day.
Given most parents have had their DC home for 7 months I'm not surprised there was an increase in grumbling threads.

@chickenyhead Jesus I was talking about people finding it boring not really relevant to counselling for rape trauma? That is a whole other conversation?

@changednamealways you specifically said in your OP:

But everything is so doom and gloom and everyone on here seems to despise being a mum

You did not say: SOME posters who sound like they downright hate being a mum

Whether or not you think that the chores and monotony that come with being a parent are tedious depends on you. But it sounds like you’re implying that people who hate the tedium of housework etc love their kids less than you do.

@DDIJ I only ask this because I am genuinely interested and I do have the deepest of sympathy for you. But do you really mean that? You hated every second? Never looked at your child and just felt so much love that all your problems went away? I am genuinely interested in others experiences of hating all aspects of parenthood

@changednamealways you did not say SOME parents.

@chickenyhead was sharing her (very relevant) personal experience of why motherhood is so hard for HER. That’s not a whole other conversation; It’s contextual.

For you @chickenyhead

@ConiferGate I'm aware although I just corrected you on what I meant, as I thought originally it may be obvious I wasnt talking about every single post ever posted on mumsnet.
I said why do people find it so boring😂😂 not why don't people love their kids? Taking it way out of context to prove a point 😂

@DDIJ right