To wonder why there are so many posts about how shit being a mum is?

[changednamealways]

I get there will always be people struggling, and things like PND play a big part. But everything is so doom and gloom and everyone on here seems to despise being a mum. Am I the only one who thinks it's not that bad, more the best thing I've ever done? Why do people find this so boring and I find it amazing? And that is with having PND for 3 months after ds was born

The "genuinely interested" mask is slipping a bit tbh.

I both love and hate being a parent.

I love my children. They're excellent. I love watching them grow, teaching them things, watching them learn and teach me things etc. That part is wonderful.

The terrible part is that your needs are always last. It's difficult to go anywhere or do anything. Their needs always need to be put first which is difficult for any individual, especially if you're having a hard time. It's long hours for very little reward, especially in the beginning, and can be rough on marriages, friendships and our sense of self.

There are pros and cons to everything. People are more likely to discuss the cons when someone has posted because it's cathartic. It's very taboo to say these things in real life and people look at you like you're a monster but every bit of it is true. I love my children but 60% of the time I hate being a parent. That will change as they grow and circumstances become different undoubtedly.

You sound like you live a miserable life, sorry

A bit uncalled for, OP.

Being a regretful parent or hating being a parent isn't uncommon. Regretful men tend to leave, regretful women tend to vent online (mumsnet, regretfulparent and breakingmom on reddit or articles and blog posts). I am glad that people have places to find support now I can't imagine how hard it was pre-forum!

They say you tell three people about a good restaurant experience and ten about a bad one...

There are a lot of those threads at the moment. It might be just random chance, but I do think many people are struggling with the covid thing. Heck, I'm used to having my kids around a lot as we've usually homeschooled in the past most years and I usually have my four and a few others, but I've found it hard as things I normally do on my own aren't available and the kids are more restricted. And my anxiety is up generally as a result which makes my interactions with the kids poor.

I do think one thing that has changed culturally over the past 50 years is the sense that we live our life with the expectation of being fulfilled, having a lot of autonomy and choice, our work should be mostly enjoyable and meaningful, that kind of thing.
Obviously lots don't have that experience but there is a sense that it's how things ought to be. Even in my mothers generation that idea was far less common, my generation (X) suffered from it somewhat, but it seems to have really ramped up in the younger generation.
I think it contributes to a sense of being unhappy in a lot of people, not just mums, I know people who have very similar issues with their job or career, or when they look at relationships, whatever. It's not the cause of unhappiness, but it makes it worse when you are unhappy.

@Spinakker

Yanbu. I feel sorry for the kids to be honest. They've got only one childhood and are at the mercy of their parent's. I've had certain difficulties and challenges in parenting but I've never regretted being a parent or tried to do the best for my kids. People here are moaning about being bored with parenting. We should be grateful, some parents are watching their kids starving across the world and would do anything to be in our positions. You've got one chance to get your kids childhood right. Even if you are poor or a single parent if you care about your child you can make something good for them. You can love them and see something good in your life. Who can live with themselves if their children grow up and look back on their childhood and feel it wasn't special in anyway?

This attitude is disgusting and really gets on my tits.

Firstly for someone to write something like this means they probably are having a shit time. It doesn’t mean they are a shit mother does it? Or parent for that matter FGS..... mean while people continue to view things from their own personal experiences and say things like “children are blessings”

Because as much as most of us clearly adore our children, it is for the most part, a shit job.

@YoureRight Amen.

I enjoy parenting when dd is out with her friends, less so when she is refiui sing to lift a finger round the house and demanding cash! But whatI hate most about it is that other people will always judge my parenting and say its my fault if dd is uncompliant!

@YoureRight

Awful lot of replying for someone finding wiping arses ‘amazing’ 😄 I could not be less interested in threads about banging out offspring, but cool story, op, I’m away to enjoy my childfree home ✨🥰

Why did you respond at all then

@Howlooseisyourgoose

You sound like you live a miserable life, sorry

A bit uncalled for, OP.

This person told me my life would get worse each year, I returned a similar comment

*Cadent

I would never, ever say it's shit being a parent. I think that's so horrible and disrespectful

Disrespectful to who?!

Your self-worth must be really low if you’re offended by other women taking about shit parts of motherhood!

To people who can't have kids, or to the kids who didn't ask to to be born but are accused of making your life shit*

Yes, exactly. Thanks @changednamealways.

And as previously posted, there's nothing wrong with posting about 'the shit parts' and venting, it's saying that being a parent is shit and wishing you didn't have children/blaming them for having a shit life that I think is horrible. Can people really not see the distinction there?!

Oh, and my self esteem is fine, thanks - which is probably borne out by the fact I'm not blaming my child for the things that go wrong with my life or stomping around like Kevin the teenager lamenting that's life's shit and so unfair! I'm not at all offended by posts claiming that being a parent is awful, I just think they're nasty and feel sorry for their children for having such miserable, hostile parents - becasue there's no way in hell they're not any idea how their parents feel about them.

And as previously posted, there's nothing wrong with posting about 'the shit parts' and venting, it's saying that being a parent is shit and wishing you didn't have children/blaming them for having a shit life that I think is horrible. Can people really not see the distinction there?!

What should mothers who do feel being a parent is shit do then? Keep their feelings/thoughts to themselves untill one day they explode? Surely it's better they can vent online, then get back on with life feeling a little less alone?

Parents won't stop thinking it's shit just because some people thinks it's horrible.

I don’t complain, I love being a mum and found pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding all totally fine apart from some pain in my hips in my second trimester. I heard so many horror stories about labour and breastfeeding and sleepless nights that I was really apprehensive. It was much easier that I imagined it would be, not sure if I was just lucky or if people love to exaggerate. My DD is 13 months old and is delightful. Not always easy but always easy to love.

Yanbu, OP. People should only post about what a jolly jape parenthood is, and anyone who has the temerity to think it’s dire should be given an electric shock if they dare to say so on an anonymous forum, as they can’t say it in RL because they’re surrounded by Compulsory Joy ‘Hello nappies, hello teenage moods’ parents.

A lot of posters here are new mums. For me and many others the early years are the hardest. Sleep deprivation, physical pain etc can put a dark cloud over one’s head.

Why do people find this so boring and I find it amazing?

Because you’re totally wonderful hun and everyone else is crap.

@YoureRight

It’s people who witter on about ‘it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but....er.... so worth it..since it’s societally unacceptable to say otherwise’ who make it difficult for others. I am staunchly, proudly childfree, I have seen and heard how appalling in every possible way people’s lives are once they chose to force someone into existence on a dying planet for their own whims, believe them. Believe women when they tell you the realities of breeding. It only gets worse with each year. It does not get easier as the consumer gets older. Contraception is free, the misery of parenting has never been more expressed, pick wisely.

Love how you have an opinion on something you've never experienced! 🤷‍♀️

I personally think the "I hate being a parent" threads aren't actually written by people with kids anyway and are just goady posts written by the "I'm childfree by choice" brigade with nothing better to do

Why do people find this so boring and I find it amazing?

I do not know.

Oh gosh, you poor thing! Again, not everyone is miserable and some people do actually lead happy lives 😳

Bully for them.

And as previously posted, there's nothing wrong with posting about 'the shit parts' and venting, it's saying that being a parent is shit and wishing you didn't have children/blaming them for having a shit life that I think is horrible. Can people really not see the distinction there?!

What should mothers who do feel being a parent is shit do then? Keep their feelings/thoughts to themselves untill one day they explode? Surely it's better they can vent online, then get back on with life feeling a little less alone?

Parents won't stop thinking it's shit just because some people thinks it's horrible.

Posting on here is absolutely fine and it’s great that people find support.

The particular thread that probably started this one was hard for me to read. I had no idea there were so many women who hated motherhood. I walked away from it feeling confused and a bit sad. So personally, I’m glad OP started this thread as she obviously felt the same and needed to talk to someone about it.

Having shit days/weeks etc is not the same as hating motherhood and wishing you’d never had children. There was talk over there of never finding joy in anything their children do. That makes for tough reading if you’ve never experienced it.

Bit baffled by the attitude that everyone will eventually hate motherhood and if you don’t then your kids aren’t old enough yet. My mum, step mum and mother in law all seem quite happy with their children and speak fondly of the younger days.

I agree 100% I'm getting tired of reading these threads. Posters so much sympathy yet how many threads do you also read about kids being do messed up because of a mum who clearly gated being so when they were growing up, and these mums are vilified. They are the same people.

The problem is with our spoilt society that consider that anything that demands an effort should be avoided to seek the pleasure of laziness.

Of course Parenthood is hard, very hard, and of course every mother or most have faced the feeling of not enjoying it on some days but it's really about the mindset.

I worked ft and was a single mum with no help at all, so by 7:30pm, what I craved for desperately was me time which came once they were in bed. It would have been easy to see reading to them in bed as yet another daily task to get over with quickly so that I could finally get my glass of wine and pass out in the sofa watching TV. Instead, I changed my minder to see it as the time to bind, to get to know my angels as they gave me so much about who they weren't this time. Enjoy that fiddle that was so easy to take for granted. Getting lost behind the stories just as they did and owing in the pride that my voice and presence were giving them peace and sending them to sleep.

It's so easy to fall into a lifestyle of taking everything for granted. That's why even millionaires can get to the point of being bored with life.

The happiest people are those who can be grateful for what they have, embrace the efforts that come with their daily lives and don't just live for seeking easy pleasures.

*What should mothers who do feel being a parent is shit do then? Keep their feelings/thoughts to themselves untill one day they explode? Surely it's better they can vent online, then get back on with life feeling a little less alone?

Parents won't stop thinking it's shit just because some people thinks it's horrible.*

Maybe call social services and get their kids taken into care seeing as they don't want them?!

Surely it massively depends on circumstances. If you're at home with the kids in a nice place, husband has a great job, lots of nearby family support, no money worries and so on then yes, parenting more than likely will be much more enjoyable than it is for a struggling single mum trying to make ends meet working all hours on no sleep lying awake worrying about eviction or whatever. The parent in the first example obviously will have much more time and energy to enjoy parenting than the latter. As you well know!