To ask why no one tells you how shit it is having children?

[Boredandexhausted]

Why does everyone pretend it’s this amazing wonderful thing when actually it’s just relentless boredom and worry and doing things you don’t want to all the time.
I cannot think of one single thing that I like about having children. It’s not their fault and of course I do my best but I hate it. I’d like to walk out and never come back.
Youngest one is now having to isolate for two weeks because of covid in their school so that’s two weeks stuck in the house. Oldest one has SEN. Youngest one isn’t very bright and is already struggling in reception. Oldest one has ASD and is nowhere near as independent as most children their age.
It isn’t relentless, the asking for things, the problems I’m having to solve, I am so bored. All my life is is a series of stuff I don’t want to do with no let up. My youngest doesn’t sleep much and doesn’t go to bed until 10pm and is up again at 6.30. I have had enough.

Then I see fb videos and photos of people with their lovely families and children, enjoying days out, playing with their children etc and I think is it me? Is it just me who finds this so thankless and dull? It makes me anxious as well, having two other people demanding things from me and of me all the time.
I wish I’d known. I just wish I’d known.

This right here! There are people who are happy or atleast fine with one child, but it seems that society still puts pressure on couples to have a second child so their first “ will have a playmate and won’t be lonely”, so that may be instilled into the minds of many moms. Then they go on and have more kids and lo and behold, they often become miserable. Thing is as obvious as stated, you cannot just return kids. You are stuck.
I have one child myself, and while my son is not too difficult now and I enjoy parenting much more now that he is nearing 4, I don’t want another child because I know my limit. I fon’t want to repeat the first 3 years because of several reasons. I don’t want to double the workload and have to split my time, spend more money,deal with sibling rivalry, and with all due respect( due to my age) risk having a child with a disablity. Kids don’t need siblings and I know of so many sibs who dont get along.
I won’t bother telling OP what I think she should do because my comment is coming years later and so many have given her advice anyway, But to people who are on the fence about either trying for their first child or may want more, think long and hard about what you think your limit is (especially if you are the mom /woman since more of the load falls on us) because although there is alot of joy with having kids truly are hard work parenting can be relentless and boring. And the amount of kids you have DOES make a difference and can make or break you.

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Catanese0410
Completely with you here! I have one dc who I had when I was 40 after years of not being able to have a child due to renting. Finally after 2 mcs we got lucky. He's our rainbow baby. I went through a few years of wanting and trying for another but it never happened and my heart wasn't in it. I knew that one was my limit esp being older. Now I still get moments of panic when I worry about him being alone in the future but on the whole I've made peace with it.

Sympathies OP. I have 3 DC and have sometimes found it a bit the way you describe. All 3 of my DC are diagnosed with autism and ADD. When the two oldest were younger (from about 7 to 14) it was relentless and they seemed to moan all the time, always be unhappy, wind each other up and not want to go anywhere with us and I bent over backwards to make everything fun for them, any interest they had I followed, fantastic birthday parties, kid-themed holidays, getting dressed up, shopping etc etc. They didn't have any friends I could leave them with for any length of time. I loved them very much and was/am very proud of them but it wasn't much fun. My DH and I often talked about how parenting wasn't what we imagined it to be and it was nothing like our memories growing up where we had loads of fun with our siblings/close-knit families. Once I could just let them do what they wanted, could leave them at home etc it became easier. They then started to want to come on holiday with us, go out with us etc and some of the joy that I saw other families have started to emerge. I enjoy their company a lot now they are 17.

My youngest DC (younger by 5 years than other two) is a different kettle of fish, he is always happy even if he doesn't like what you are doing. Parenting him has been a joy from day 1 - didn't cry much as a baby, not a difficult toddler, happy young person with multiple interests in the world around him that I could get involved in. Very cuddly and loving. Gentle, kind, quite quiet child who makes friends easily. I love the way his autism manifests - intense interests, complete honesty, no attempts to manipulate or be unkind (I am well aware autism doesn't always manifest like that). I just clicked with him, as did my DH and as do most people tbh.

I love them all equally but I would agree that parenting some DC is harder than others especially DC with SN (my oldest 2 were also undiagnosed until their teens which didn't help, youngest was diagnosed at 3 (before the other two)). I suppose it stands to reason as you have to spend so much time with them and some personalities are easier to get along with than others. Unfortunately you just have to stick in there and eventually you (usually) get back what you put in.

Don't they? We can't be reading the same books / journalism or watching the same TV shows or talking to the same people. I feel like ever since I started consuming adult media and paying attention to adult conversations (so age 12 or so) I've heard little else about parenthood other than how crap it is. And even just from observing other people - I was still a child myself when I noticed how people with jobs and kids - I mean, just like strangers in public places - seemed perpetually stressed, harassed, exhausted and ground down and rarely seemed to be having much fun. Did you pay too much attention to. . . I dunno, advertising? Romcoms?

It's having a useless husband that's shit. He needs to step up.
Of course a lot of it tedious and irritating, but when you have someone who is a partner in it , they can see when you've had it up to here and give you a break to do something you want or just a bit of peace and quiet.
Then the hard bits aren't quite as hard because it doesn't seem so relentless, and you're able to enjoy the nice parts, the affection, the achievements and the laughter.