AIBU to not want bfs kids at my house?

[AibuTellMe]

Hear me out. Been with my bf for 2 years but we do not live together. He lives around a 40 minute drive away in his own flat. I live with my 2 teenagers. Just before lockdown his ex partners mum moved 2 doors away from me. She seems lovely and my partner helped her to move in as he was here anyway. He has 3 kids with his ex aged 11, 8 and 6 and they seem to visit their nan about 3 or 4 times a week after school. Here's my AIBU. Their mum knows my partner doesn't live here but he does stay over some nights and may pop in more on his way home from work. Their mum has started letting them knock on my door to see if they can come over whenever their dads car is outside (though they have knocked when his car hasn't been there in the past and I've just said he is not here). I work, have a house to clean and 2 teenagers in the house. It's starting to get annoying as they come before dinner and 4 extra people to feed was getting ridiculous so I just tell my kids to wait to eat after they leave. They help themselves to snacks and drinks which is fine but the costs do add up and as their dad doesn't live here he doesnt pay towards my food. I just want to come home from work and relax not have 3 extra kids. I see them most weekend as that's when he has them, though obviously they stay at his house. AIBU to want to get home from work, pour a glass of wine and sit on the sofa without 3 kids knocking. I know they are my partners kids but he doesn't live with me and it's getting annoying as I cannot see it ending. AIBU for being pissed off? I've told my bf its a bit annoying but he just says they obviously like it here.

I feel sorry for those kids who by the sounds of it don't have an adult between them who gives a fuck. They're just kids.

@funinthesun19

I think it's a bit sad that they're at their grandparents instead of with their dad in the first place, who is clearly available. If he can be at your house then he can be looking after his own kids.

I totally agree, BUT...

Gosh! Can you imagine if someone said that about the mum if the dad arranged childcare for his children on his days?! There would be absolute uproar!

People on here would be like:
“But it’s dad’s day to have them so he sorts out childcare - why should the mum have them blah blah blah blah blah!”

So yeah, I agree, but if you put that with the roles reversed you would have had your head bitten off.

I agree except that I think op said he only has them eow. It's quite common that women do the bulk of childcare after divorce and dad's like this one only see them twice a month.

It seems Op's done one but what kind of relationship is it when on every 'date' you are immediately joined by three young children. Sod that.

In truth she’s probably overwhelmed having them four times a week.
Really? Didn't you know that on MN all grandparents are on their knees begging to provide full time child care?

I wonder if the Grandmother is steaming that the father is 2 doors down "living the life of Larry" with his new GF 2, while she is picking up the slack every night. & probably buying all the snacks/food.
While in her mind , he has fucked off leaving her daughter in the shit.
Does she deliberately send them over?

Sorry if this has already been answered, but where does the mum live? It must be close by I’m guessing if the kids are at school close enough to go to their gran’s after school. In which case why is your bf living 40 mins away? Just wondering ... seems strange 🤷‍♀️

Think of it from their point of view...you're a young kid, your dad doesn't live with you...and you know he's in a house a few doors away from where you are...of course you're going to knock and want to see him. It would be weird if they didn't.

Do you think you're suited to being with someone with youg children?

[quote LunchBoxPolice]@LindaEllen oh dear, touched a nerve?[/quote]
Not touched a nerve with me, no. I don't have kids, only a stepson.

But to come on here and judge a mother you don't even know is absolute abhorrent.

If all you can then do is send a sarcastic and (I assume) intentionally inflammatory reply saying 'touched a nerve?' then I think that tells me enough about you.

I would wonder why you're here though. It takes a special kind of nasty to just come online, hide behind a username and act like such a bitch.

YANBU, this would drive me mad. Its hard enough looking after your own home and kids without looking after extra.Its affecting your down time and meal times. I would have to say to your dp that the kids are calling into often and your not comfortable with it seen as he is not there. Best for them to just call in when they are with their Dad. Obviously dp needs to be kind when telling his kids that they are not to be calling in when he is not there.

Your partner isn't sounding great in all this, OP. How oblivious do you need to be to not see that it's rude to have your children impose on someone else in their home? If I were you, I'd have a word with him and say he needs to go and see the children off his own back at their grans house as you want space to relax in your own home. And tell him to have a word with their mum to get her to stop allowing them to knock on your door all the time. If I wanted a long term, serious future with the man I would arrange to have the children for a chippy dinner or something once a week/fortnight which their father pays for. Just because if it was a relationship I wanted to be in long term I would want to have a positive relationship with the children but there has to be boundaries.

It would be different if you had chosen to live with your partner but as it stands you have your own homes and he should still be mindful and respectful that your home is not his to invite guests whenever he wants, regardless of if it's his children. I do feel sorry for the children, they shouldn't have to be seeking out their dad to spend time with him.