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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be constantly amazed by men's 'hobbies'

374 replies

Boredbumhead · 12/10/2020 17:23

I have read lots of threads on here plus witnessed things in real life which leave me constantly amazed at home much money, time and resources family men put into cultivating and carrying out their hobbies. These are married men or men with partners and often young kids. The women are expected to be a natural backstop for the men to facilitate these hobbies through which they display their 'superior' or well honed skills. In the meantime the women often loses the chance to cultivate her whims and interests and is expected to be the adult, sensible (boring) one looking after all the family practical interests. Is it just me?

OP posts:
IncandescentSilver · 14/10/2020 16:18

formerbabe The other poster I mentioned said she was off for a cycle as she didn't want to sit around on her backside all day.

Do these comments not strike you as having an air of superiority?

So I'm not allowed to say that I don't want to sit on my own backside all day? What on earth is wrong with saying that? It doesn't mean you have to do sport. It can mean you get up off your flipping backside and do all manner of things, from walking the dog to posting a letter.

Has it ever occurred to you that you had problems at school because of the nasty, aggressive way you speak to people, and that it had absolutely nothing to do with what interests you had?

formerbabe · 14/10/2020 16:21

@IncandescentSilver

The comment about the man sitting at home getting fat was made by mstswift who I also mentioned in the post you're referring to

IncandescentSilver · 14/10/2020 16:23

I've honestly lost track of all the posts that have offended you formerbabe.

Anyway, the point I was making is that enjoying sporty hobbies is not the preserve of men.

formerbabe · 14/10/2020 16:24

Oh and I had no problems at school...don't know where you got that from. Being able to observe social behaviours doesn't necessarily mean you suffered from them. It's pretty widely accepted that sporty kids are usually the popular ones.

I was never bullied, I went to a very small girls school where I was quite popular and made people laugh.

You were the one who started with the unpleasantness with unwarranted advice about how I should take up cycling.

IncandescentSilver · 14/10/2020 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

formerbabe · 14/10/2020 16:27

Anyway, the point I was making is that enjoying sporty hobbies is not the preserve of men

Actually I think it's more of a class issue than a sex issue. Sporty hobbies are definitely the preserve of the middle classes.

Parker231 · 14/10/2020 16:35

I don’t think sport is a class issue - playing football or park run have minimal cost and are available everywhere.

formerbabe · 14/10/2020 16:40

Running is free but it is definitely dominated by middle class people. Drive through affluent areas and the pavements are full of runners... poorer areas, not so much. I imagine those least likely to play sports are working class women and those most likely, middle class men.

user1471565182 · 14/10/2020 16:40

Seems as though a lot of people see this as an extension of their school days. As it happens it wasnt a case of 'geeky' intelligent kids getting shit and the sporty ones worshipped at my schools, but I think think people love this cliche as their own 'origin tale' (i.e 'I was the bullied intelligent one at school and im showing them all now with my tortured genius') This snoberry has extended into a adulthood hobbies and sport.

Lumene · 14/10/2020 16:45

The balance does shift subtly overtime, it becomes the new norm.

Does it? It hasn’t with anyone I know.

I don’t think threads like this help tbh, it’s a bit like people saying ‘boys will be boys’ when boys are rough or misbehave.

formerbabe · 14/10/2020 16:51

@user1471565182

Seems as though a lot of people see this as an extension of their school days. As it happens it wasnt a case of 'geeky' intelligent kids getting shit and the sporty ones worshipped at my schools, but I think think people love this cliche as their own 'origin tale' (i.e 'I was the bullied intelligent one at school and im showing them all now with my tortured genius') This snoberry has extended into a adulthood hobbies and sport.
If you're referring to me, I had no issues at school thanks. I think you'll find the issue started when one poster insinuated that my dh just sits at home getting fat with me because he doesn't partake in any organised sports. Oh and another poster suggested I try cycling...with their mc privilege oozing out as they assume everyone can afford a bike.
MsTSwift · 14/10/2020 16:54

Not in my experience- dd2s dance class is the least middle class place I have been recently ! Dh was the only dad who turned up to the Christmas show in a suit every single other dad was in overalls

user1471565182 · 14/10/2020 17:01

No i have to confess I didnt get all the way through the thread and didnt see that bit, Former. I'll have a look.

LolaSmiles · 14/10/2020 17:25

I'm not taking it personally, I just find it fascinating that those with active hobbies see them as so superior.

It's an extension of school days isn't it? Those who enjoy reading and playing chess are viewed as geeks and sneered at.The sporty kids are the cool kids and revered by everyone
You're a little hung up to be honest.

I wouldn't like to be in a relationship with a hobby-less husband. I couldn't give a damn if he was into team sports, solo pursuits outdoors, art, crafts, music, reading, cooking, but I don't find men without interests to be that appealling.

It has nothing to do with worshipping the sporty kids though.

I find it hilarious on this thread seeing posters going out of their way to create little narratives in their head about strangers doing a sport they enjoy. If you are a man seen riding your bike then you're obviously selfish, obviously getting out of seeing the children, don't pull your weight around the house, you're leaving your wife at home to clean, your wife probably hates you. It would be comic genius, if it wasn't so sad that's what people think when they see a guy minding his own business.

This thread only confirms what I've log thought: that for every woman stuck with a lazy man-child, there's another without her own hobbies and interests having a good old moan that her husband enjoys something beyond the house.

IfNotNow12 · 14/10/2020 19:14

Sporty hobbies are definitely the preserve of the middle classes.
Actually I think that's quite true. I live in a town that has quite a divide between local yokels (that's me) and middle class professionals. I know lots of both from having our children in the same schools. It's always the wealthier families you see heading off in their cars with the bike rack on it, or the kayak, or even out running in all the latest sports wear. For most of the last 15 years I just didn't have the money or time to go and do archery or whatever. I couldn't even afford a car for the equipment!

I did tell DP that if he ever took up cycling that would be the end. Not because there's anything wrong with getting on a bike and going somewhere ( I love to do that) but because when middle aged men do it it becomes less a hobby and more of a brain meltingly tedious obsession about types of ridiculously expensive bike and water bottles and shoes. Plus, in the lycra and those helmets they look like penises. Peni?
If DP got togged up like that he'd never get into my knickers again I don't think.

Jemenfouscompletement · 14/10/2020 20:59

Formerbabe
You have a habit of criticizing anyone who is fit, slim and enjoys sports.
I have hobbies, my DH doesn't but he enjoys his work and boy toys (tractor, digger) and he ne
Her criticizes me for getting up early for running every day or with the
Club in the evenings and weekends

My DC are in university and high school so I can!

ivykaty44 · 14/10/2020 21:05

I did tell DP that if he ever took up cycling that would be the end. Not because there's anything wrong with getting on a bike and going somewhere ( I love to do that) but because when middle aged men do it it becomes less a hobby and more of a brain meltingly tedious obsession about types of ridiculously expensive bike and water bottles and shoes. Plus, in the lycra and those helmets they look like penises. Peni?
If DP got togged up like that he'd never get into my knickers again I don't think.

This is the most aweful inverted snobbery I’ve read on mumsnet, it’s Hideous. But there you go, I don’t understand golf but I’m sure to many it’s a very enjoyable sport

ivykaty44 · 14/10/2020 21:12

Actually I think it's more of a class issue than a sex issue. Sporty hobbies are definitely the preserve of the middle classes.

Perhaps you should look at the weekend local football Leagues or fishing ( which was the highest participation sport) , football is played out on pitches all over the country and certainly isn’t dominated by middle class, neither is fishing

formerbabe · 14/10/2020 21:31

@ivykaty44

Actually I think it's more of a class issue than a sex issue. Sporty hobbies are definitely the preserve of the middle classes.

Perhaps you should look at the weekend local football Leagues or fishing ( which was the highest participation sport) , football is played out on pitches all over the country and certainly isn’t dominated by middle class, neither is fishing

Yes I agree football isn't especially mc...it is very male dominated though.

I guess my theory is that working class women are probably the least likely in society to play sports as a hobby. I guess they're too busy trying to feed their kids, whilst the middle class, well off cyclists with thousands of pounds worth of kit sneer at them...

ivykaty44 · 14/10/2020 21:47

formerbabe Take it you didn’t like the cyclist sneering at you

BackforGood · 14/10/2020 21:52

Actually I think it's more of a class issue than a sex issue. Sporty hobbies are definitely the preserve of the middle classes.

That depends on the sport.
Fencing or yachting, or dressage, I'd agree with you.
Fishing, football, boxing, complete opposite.

SimonJT · 14/10/2020 22:09

Fishing, football, boxing, rugby (above Peterborough ish), mma, just a few sports that aren’t at all middle class.

To horrify everyone a bit more, today I put one of the attached brackets up so my partners road bile can be stored on the wall of our dining room.

To be constantly amazed by men's 'hobbies'
kattyboomboom · 15/10/2020 03:24

Sporty hobbies are definitely the preserve of the middle classes.

Is that why most professional boxers and footballers are mc? 🤔

bluCoconutty · 15/10/2020 03:26

My Dh likes the idea of hobbies he has a couple but maybe gets to do them 3/4 times a year because we are just too busy with the dc, that said he appreciates the time he gets to do them so much more because it’s not regular

LancesGold · 15/10/2020 06:27

YANBU op.

My ex husband suddenly developed a burning need to join a shitty little ‘band’ when our twins were seven months old. This required him to be out of the house for 8/9 hours one whole day a week!Hmm

Note my use of the word ‘ex’