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Original poster

To be constantly amazed by men's 'hobbies'

374 replies

Boredbumhead · 12/10/2020 17:23

I have read lots of threads on here plus witnessed things in real life which leave me constantly amazed at home much money, time and resources family men put into cultivating and carrying out their hobbies. These are married men or men with partners and often young kids. The women are expected to be a natural backstop for the men to facilitate these hobbies through which they display their 'superior' or well honed skills. In the meantime the women often loses the chance to cultivate her whims and interests and is expected to be the adult, sensible (boring) one looking after all the family practical interests. Is it just me?

OP posts:
welliguessitwouldbenice · 14/10/2020 12:32

Part of the reason I was attracted to my partner was because he cycled. I wanted a man with his own interests and not to live in each other's pockets. Mind you it's a later life relationship and my child was 13 when we met. I know most of his club mates and they're all older and where married their wives are happy for time to themselves. A lot took it up post divorce. Those with younger kids moderate their time spent

MsTSwift · 14/10/2020 12:33

No one said cycling makes you interesting. But it doesn’t necessarily make you a chore avoiding selfish git either.

formerbabe · 14/10/2020 12:42

@MsTSwift

No one said cycling makes you interesting. But it doesn’t necessarily make you a chore avoiding selfish git either.
No but one poster said earlier that they'd hate to have a dh who didn't have any hobbies. Hobbies in general don't necessarily make you an interesting person. In fact, a lot of people who are very focused on one particular pastime or sport are actually some of the most boring people I've eve met. My dh doesn't have any hobbies...but that doesn't mean he mopes around at home with nothing to talk about. He's a very sociable extrovert type who could discuss politics, law, history endlessly. Pre covid he'd go out twice a week or more with friends...I don't count the pub as a hobby though!
MsTSwift · 14/10/2020 12:49

I would struggle with a man who had no interest in anything and sat around the house getting fat but that’s just me. When the men go away on their cycling weekend the left behind wives have a great man free weekend !

DillonPanthersTexas · 14/10/2020 12:54

I always think this when I see the droves of middle aged men cycling around our area at the weekend. You just know they’re doing it to avoid their wives and children and I’m sure their wives hate them.

Quality projecting there.

Lots of middle aged women down my rowing club (in lycra too, but nobody feels the need to mention this) who spend most of Saturday and Sunday mornings on the water. I just assume they love the sport and that they have had a grown up discussion with their supportive partners with regards to participation times.

IncandescentSilver · 14/10/2020 12:56

I always think this when I see the droves of middle aged men cycling around our area at the weekend. You just know they’re doing it to avoid their wives and children and I’m sure their wives hate them.

But strangely you don't think this when you see droves of men in the pub, or at a football match acting like boors? Or the ageing boy racers who drive too fast and like to tailgate? Or what about the expanding stomachs of the pre-diabetic men who don't exercise? You don't see them either?

There are so many women who cycle, run, horse ride, etc - they are just probably not mostly on mumsnet!

formerbabe · 14/10/2020 13:01

@MsTSwift

I would struggle with a man who had no interest in anything and sat around the house getting fat but that’s just me. When the men go away on their cycling weekend the left behind wives have a great man free weekend !
But my dh isn't fat nor does he just sit round the house with me...he goes out and socialises a lot just not as part of a particular sport or hobby. He runs occasionally but on his own and purely because he's getting older and doesn't want to be unfit.
Nibor1991 · 14/10/2020 13:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DillonPanthersTexas · 14/10/2020 13:08

There are so many women who cycle, run, horse ride, etc - they are just probably not mostly on mumsnet!

Quite.

I live in sw London which has a huge concentration of sports clubs. Mid morning on a Saturday you see loads of women on their way back from park run or on their way to their hockey/netball/rugby match. For the latter, especially if you are playing an away game you could be out the house for several hours, way more then a long cycle ride.

When my wife and I moved in together we barely saw each other on Saturdays as she would spend the morning rowing and I would spend the afternoons playing rugby.

DillonPanthersTexas · 14/10/2020 13:15

my husband likes playing board games with his friends

Snakes and ladders?
Monopoly?
Game of Life?

Warhammer 40k?

formerbabe · 14/10/2020 13:22

I think it's interesting that sport as a hobby is seen as so superior. I've always hated sport...I detested pe as a child...I'd have rather sat and done hours and hours of algebra than play a game of netball. And that's fine imo we're all different. But look at the unpleasant, sneering comments it provokes from people like @MsTSwift and @IncandescentSilver about sitting on your backside all day or sitting round the house getting fat. Enjoying sport doesn't make you a fundamentally better human being.

Pajamas · 14/10/2020 13:42

My last 2 serious relationships (one of them was a marriage) (neither of them worked out) were with men who had "hobbies" that were more sacred than family time. For me it was a combination of them being selfish and me being a pushover, but also the fact that I didn't want to spent excessive amounts of time doing my own thing - I wanted to spend time as a family! Any resistance from me would result in arguments which I never won. In hindsight, they were both selfish dickheads.

One absolutely HAD to go to every match on his season ticket and watch every match on TV and every episode of MOTD, and the other was a full-blown MAMIL. In both cases all family plans (always instigated by me) had to be carefully arranged so as not to clash with said hobbies - otherwise the man would simply do his hobby instead. In addition, any family activity that involved any walking or other exertion could absolutely not take place the day before a long ride or race. Priorities, please!!

In my experience the word "sacrosanct" describes their attitudes towards their hobbies perfectly.

IncandescentSilver · 14/10/2020 13:48

"fornerbabe*let it go. I most certainly did not say that sport as a hobby was superior - that is you, using your own words.

I did in fact point out that I admire my brother who plays chess greatly, and des robed my own interest (as you accused me of being" non-cerebral") in Old Norse.

Like it or not, obesity, diabetes, heart disease, etc is a huge problem in the UK and in the country in which I grew up, exercise is considered a normal part of life.

What is it that you are so angry about? People enjoying themselves in the outdoors? Lock them up, immediately!

anniegun · 14/10/2020 14:07

Cycling has been one of the biggest benefits to men's health over the last 20 years. Far better than nights in the pub. Of course spare time has to be balanced between couples but a healthy relationship can survive those conversations.

MsTSwift · 14/10/2020 15:02

Formerbabe why are you weirdly taking every comment as a personal criticism of you and your dh?! Too odd!

formerbabe · 14/10/2020 15:32

@MsTSwift

Formerbabe why are you weirdly taking every comment as a personal criticism of you and your dh?! Too odd!
I'm not but you made a comment that if a man doesn't have a hobby, he sits around with his wife getting fat.

The other poster I mentioned said she was off for a cycle as she didn't want to sit around on her backside all day.

Do these comments not strike you as having an air of superiority?

I'm not taking it personally, I just find it fascinating that those with active hobbies see them as so superior.

It's an extension of school days isn't it? Those who enjoy reading and playing chess are viewed as geeks and sneered at. The sporty kids are the cool kids and revered by everyone.

Parker231 · 14/10/2020 15:38

I don’t think it matters what you do as your hobby so long as you and your DH allow each other equal time to enjoy it. I have no interest or ability in hobbies such as craft, cooking or anything which requires concentration and sitting still but enjoy gym classes and other outdoor activities. DH and I have managed our limited free time so that we can both spend time doing our hobbies. The agreement was that nothing could be written in stone as plans change - DS has an extra cricket practice or DD needs a lift to a piano lesson.

dontdisturbmenow · 14/10/2020 15:41

For me all of male entitlement and privilege is wrapped up in that one image of a man riding free down an open country road on an expensive bike while the wife stays at home doing chores
It could be my OH you came across one morning. If so, he had done the chores the afternoon before and had a happy wife probably taking it easy at home and planning her run later in the day.

Maybe next time you can think of him instead and how he has such a happy wife instead of making unfounded generalisations.

MsTSwift · 14/10/2020 15:59

Formerbabe You are sounding rather paranoid now

Annabanana455 · 14/10/2020 16:02

I’m not married to an idiot, so DH and I both have equal leisure time. My hobby is cycling if anyone cares.

formerbabe · 14/10/2020 16:02

@MsTSwift

Formerbabe You are sounding rather paranoid now
And you're sounding offensive.

I don't actually give a shit, I'm pretty secure in myself. I just think it's interesting from a sociological perspective.

DillonPanthersTexas · 14/10/2020 16:04

My hobby is cycling if anyone cares.

Does that make you a MAWIL or YWIL?

1moreRep · 14/10/2020 16:08

My dp and I have the same hobby as do the kids and we share it as a family, we all train, we watch them then they do their homework while we train and we enter competitions together etc

IncandescentSilver · 14/10/2020 16:12

formerbabe I'm not but you made a comment that if a man doesn't have a hobby, he sits around with his wife getting fat.

I said absolutely nothing of the sort. You are making up sentences and changing the order of the words.

The other poster I mentioned said she was off for a cycle as she didn't want to sit around on her backside all day.

Do these comments not strike you as having an air of superiority?

I'm not taking it personally, I just find it fascinating that those with active hobbies see them as so superior.

It's an extension of school days isn't it? Those who enjoy reading and playing chess are viewed as geeks and sneered at. The sporty kids are the cool kids and revered by everyone.

I honestly have no bloody idea what you are talking about. I want to post on mumsnet, occasionally, with my perfectly normal viewpoints, without being drawn into this childish "you said, she said" drivel.

You clearly have some serious issues dating back to your schooldays, but why you would assume that anyone knows what you are talking about, I don't know.

Just live and let live, for goodness sake!

I just love the way you described me as being "non-cerebral" - I'm a university lecturer...

MsTSwift · 14/10/2020 16:14

It is possible to enjoy cycling and reading and politics 😁