I've got C19. Why is my DH now pretending to be ill??

[dinosaurusmum]

I developed mild symptoms Monday (loss of smell, then taste a few days later) have felt a bit out of sorts but generally fine. Ordered home test anyway. Kept kids off school/nursery as precaution. Husband refused to isolate- "I'm not unwell. No symptoms. Why should I?!" In fairness he works outside and no contact with other others so not really a risk but not the point.

I've been extremely tired all week but thought it was migraine related. Imagine my shock to receive a positive Covid19 test today!

Literally the second I received it, DH has decided he is now absolutely desperately unwell. Has been ill for 2 weeks (err, no you haven't!!) Needs to rest over the next few days and has been generally painful to listen to all day.

I'm still feeling exhausted but getting on with it. He has absolutely no C19 symptoms but as with his usual attacks of hypochondria, I have to suck it up and get on with it. Including taking care of our 1&2 year old ds's whilst he sits on his fucking arse.

Aibu to expect him to grow the fuck up and help and that until he gets a positive test to assume he doesn't have it?! He was honestly 100% fine until my results came back.

I’m terribly sorry you have CV19. You sound like a trooper, and you sure you feel awful looking after two little is hard enough.

Your other half sounds like a complete waste of space. imagine swearing at their infected wife, for not looking after them. Unimaginable, and utterly ridiculous.

Ignore him for now, you have enough on your plate. Once your feeling stronger, you should tear a few strips off him, and get him to shape up or ship out.

Again I’m so sorry, and I hope you’re feeling better soon.

Don’t ignore - that’s still enabling. LOSE YOUR SHIT!!!

Thought you would know, that women are the stronger sex, and most men are the weaker ones, so have to be looked after and tended to all the time.

Some men are really like this. I think it must stem from an association to illness with a lot of attention and care from their mothers, so expecting that from their partners. And Mummy was never ill (he never paid attention as long as his food was still produced) so you must be faking!

I remember once telling my ex that I was really sick and couldn't come to his and he was instantly so defensive and competitive. "Oh yeah? Well I was way more ill than you six months ago!" Like, okay, if you say so. You win the nonexistent prize...

Rant away but you can not change him. Calling 999 and lying about symptoms was not a ‘fiasco’, it was a despicable act of attention seeking. His redeeming qualities must be stellar because this behaviour is absolutely shocking.

Stay married to this twat if you must but start rehearsing your excuses to your children now because he will start competing with them next.

What if I do fall ill in my older years? How can I ever rely on him to care for me??
You can’t can you? I have doubts about mine, I’ve told him this and that we will be separated by 40 if I don’t see actual evidence he can be that guy who promised me in our wedding vows to look after me when ill, loving him isn’t enough. We will see.

I was about to mention vows too - this guy thinks that “In sickness and in health” applies to HIM only.

So fast forward almost 12hrs later. He's slept the full 12, I know because he's snored like an absolute hippo. 2yr old has woken up. Guess who is seeing to him because'd'h is "too tired"?? Not tired enough to tell me to go fuck myself when I asked if he planned to see to his son or if that's my job too?

I've not slept much. A mixture or utter rage at my situation and by breathing has become more laboured in my chest and throat through the night.

This is no fucking life. He has no intention of supporting me equally through life.

The scales are falling swiftly from my eyes after reading through some of the comments. He'd rather me put the kids at risk than take care of them himself.

@TwentyViginti

having the boys close together was absolutely not planned and younger ds was a one shot wonder in a blur of cluster feeding

Was this sex you wanted?

What are you suggesting? That he's a rapist now as well?

He's now swearing at me for "not taking care of him when he's ill" except he's not Ill. And he's taking himself off to bed, so I have to see to toddler and baby myself. He sees no irony in the fact I am actually infected and he was fine until my diagnosis.

Not tired enough to tell me to go fuck myself when I asked if he planned to see to his son or if that's my job too?

Wow! He sounds like a real catch.

He sounds like a selfish cnut OP, you have my sympathy. Hope you're feeling better soon.

He sounds just like my husband (who i left for other reasons) whenever i got ill (which was faitly frequently as i always do everything for my son) he instantly got it but worse. I remember begging him to help when i had d&v and my poor baby had been sat in the toilet with me for an hour because he insisted on staying in bed because he felt ill even though he wasnt showing any symptoms. Its mean, selfish and pathetic to expect one person to do everything when ill. My friends and family would have helped more. Good luck, i could never get mine to change.

Why have you been describing him as kind, considerate and helpful? That's not a rhetorical question. He's clearly horrible, the way he's treated you just now closely won't be an isolated incident from someone who's usually a prince of a man. Given his nastiness, his selfishness, his utter lack of care, why do you feel the need to tell us how great he is? Genuinely, ask yourself that.

s/closely/clearly. Autocorrect has been mad lately.

I feel very sorry for you, but try and take care of yourself. I personally would let him get on with it and ignore him and don’t do anything for him. If he asks for anything say that you’re too ill with positive covid, looking after child. Hope you get better soon.

No advice. Just my heart is breaking for you. How was he after the birth of your children?

He’s no husband or father, he’s a selfish self centred turd. Seriously op think about it. He’s putting his own frankly non existent needs above yours, the woman he promised to cherish in sickness and in health.

You really need him to step up and he’s stepped aside. It’s pretty unforgivable.

Sympathies OP. One of my biggest fears is getting seriously/terminally ill as my DH would have to be even sicker and I would end up rallying around whilst he 'convalesces'.

Oh I'm sorry op

My xh did this too.

What everyone else said, he is a dick. Now more practical suggestions - get kids or spare duvet/failing that blankets / plus pillows from your side of the bed (makes the double less comfy for him too) and make a cost but in the sofa. Get the biscuits and crisps out and dump at kids reach in lounge. Make drinks for you and kids. Turn telly on CBeebies. Have a lie down and ask your eldest to help look after the baby - good luck

Proof read /predictive text fail - should say cosy bed on not cost but in

Read the whole thread including your update this morning OP. I hope you’re not ill for long and that your DC somehow manage to avoid catching covid.

As for your husband, this might be the epiphany you need. The whole “my illness is worse than yours” seems to be depressingly common, but the way he speaks to you, the way he expects you to just get on with it when you are getting iller and is refusing to take care of his children at all, that’s a special kind of cunt right there.

What are you suggesting? That he's a rapist now as well?

Not a rapist, but this type of selfish man isn't usually just selfish in one aspect of a relationship.

My DH can be like this. I understand the reasoning for him (cancer as teen, spoilt by parents over this, every minor issue fussed over) but it’s unacceptable. My normal approach is if there’s no proof you’re ill eg. Temp /doc diagnosis/vomiting then you’re not ill enough to warrant any change to normal life. It sounds harsh, but is much needed. In this case it would be no serious cough/no temp/no positive test and you get on with life. Can also help to not beat around bush. I’m very clear that if you eat pizza and drink beer, you’re fine, get up and get on - or get out. It doesn’t hurt to say clearly you see through the facade.