I've got C19. Why is my DH now pretending to be ill??

[dinosaurusmum]

I developed mild symptoms Monday (loss of smell, then taste a few days later) have felt a bit out of sorts but generally fine. Ordered home test anyway. Kept kids off school/nursery as precaution. Husband refused to isolate- "I'm not unwell. No symptoms. Why should I?!" In fairness he works outside and no contact with other others so not really a risk but not the point.

I've been extremely tired all week but thought it was migraine related. Imagine my shock to receive a positive Covid19 test today!

Literally the second I received it, DH has decided he is now absolutely desperately unwell. Has been ill for 2 weeks (err, no you haven't!!) Needs to rest over the next few days and has been generally painful to listen to all day.

I'm still feeling exhausted but getting on with it. He has absolutely no C19 symptoms but as with his usual attacks of hypochondria, I have to suck it up and get on with it. Including taking care of our 1&2 year old ds's whilst he sits on his fucking arse.

Aibu to expect him to grow the fuck up and help and that until he gets a positive test to assume he doesn't have it?! He was honestly 100% fine until my results came back.

I presume he has his good points but I couldn't be arsed with someone who always has to be the centre of attention and have things worse than anyone else.

@DeeCeeCherry

Dancing the OP has tested positive for Covid-19. You're not medically qualified to say what she has can be fixed by 2 paracetamol. & You've no way of knowing if lack of rest will make her feel worse - which is usual for illness, isn't it?

Strange diagnosis.

I never said I was qualified. I just read her posts. There's nothing 'wrong' with her either!

@DeeCeeCherry

Dancing the OP has tested positive for Covid-19. You're not medically qualified to say what she has can be fixed by 2 paracetamol. & You've no way of knowing if lack of rest will make her feel worse - which is usual for illness, isn't it?

Strange diagnosis.

First sentence from OP.

I developed mild symptoms Monday (loss of smell, then taste a few days later) have felt a bit out of sorts but generally fine.

So I don't know why either of them are requiring special attention.

To answer a few questions, having the boys close together was absolutely not planned and younger ds was a one shot wonder in a blur of cluster feeding. Was distraught when I found out I was pregnant but he's here now and going nowhere.

As for further children, permanent precautions have been taken (by DH) as after 2 c secs, I refused anymore medical/hormonal intervention on my body and if he wanted to share my bed ever again, it was up to him to take care of it. As a side note, he cancelled the op twice out of fear but ultimately had more care (and pain relief) than I did following both c sections!!

As a partner he's generally kind, considerate and helpful. It's the competitive Illness that drives me off my nut.

Believe me, it's no game to me! I'm generally fairly stoic and don't often fall ill. On the rare occasion, I tend to sleep it off and recover fairly quickly. I'm actually feeling tired but manageable. If I were a single parent it wouldn't have occurred to me to feel aggrieved. But I'm not a single parent. And he is not Ill! I could have had an early night and would likely be right as rain tomorrow but in ensuring I don't get it, I'll likely be sluggish and run down instead. He has absolutely no symptoms at all but has decided he needs to rest over the next few days, just in case.

I usually ignore this nonsense behaviour from him and after his 999 fiasco I really thought we'd moved past this. He's 43 for fuck sake, not an infant!!!

It's really giving me pause for the future though. What if I do fall ill in my older years? How can I ever rely on him to care for me??

I have at no point said I'm desperately unwell. I'm not. Just lethargic. Please state where I have said otherwise?

If you were actually ill he probably would care for you if he loves you which you say he does.

He has no symptoms, has taken no painkillers. Managed to eat his dominoes pizza tonight and drank 4 cans of fosters last night. He's in no way unwell.

I’d leave him just for drinking Fosters.

@Leimarel - I was (mainly) not being serious

@dinosaurusmum

I have at no point said I'm desperately unwell. I'm not. Just lethargic. Please state where I have said otherwise?

Well you seem to want to take to the bed which would suggest that you're barely able to function?

You need to stand up to him and make him look after the kids. Tell him that he's putting the children at risk by you caring for them when you are covid positive. You should be isolating from them. Woman up and protect your kids.

Is he wearing the Dressing gown of Doom, @dinosaurusmum?

Read this thread for a bit of a laugh - you are not alone!

Oh no! Please not the dressing gown of doom!

So has he tested positive?

Here you go:

www.nhs.uk/conditions/coronavirus-covid-19/self-isolation-and-treatment/how-to-avoid-spreading-coronavirus-to-people-you-live-with/

You're now supposed to be staying away from fellow family members as much as possible - separate room with the door shut!

You're now supposed to be staying away from fellow family members as much as possible - separate room with the door shut!

Yes, she should be resting alone while her DH looks after the dc. Fat bloody chance given he’s pissed off to rest ‘just in case’. Tosser.

Right, we all know that he is a self centred lazy git of a man, pathetic to boot, but what are you going to do about it. He has form for this that you know about.
You have choices, you can tell him this behaviour is not acceptable and tell him to take responsibility. Or you can tell him you have had enough and will have to consider whether you want to be with him due to his pathetic behaviour.
Harsh though it seems the choice is yours, you can put up with this behaviour or you can do something about it.
Take care of him indeed. If it was me not a chance in hell.

@dinosaurusmum are we reading the same thread? How could you possibly have read that into what the OP said? She’s tired, she has freaking covid, and after dealing with her baby and toddler all day she’d like to have an early night, after which she expects to feel a lot better.

Why do people deliberately misread or add details to what OPs write, then write something negative to their fictional interpretation?

So he'd rather you passed it onto the kids, rather than isolate yourself in a room?

Nice.

As a partner he's generally kind, considerate and helpful.

But not when you really need him to step up though. He doesn't care about you much does he?

No dressing gown of doom but has taken to his bed (at 7pm, before children are in bed)

I think when he "recovers" we're going to have to have serious words. His reaction to me being under the weather in any form is unreal.

His father is exactly the same and MIL is an absolute saint to remain married to him. She and I have discussed this behaviour at length and she tells me to just ignore it. Any pandering will result in more extreme and longer lasting "illness"

I tend to soldier on regardless (was a single parent for many years before meeting him and anyone with experience of lone parenting knows that you can be near death but you still have to get up and tend to the kids) I think he thinks I'm immune to falling ill, or perhaps I've made a bloody martyr of myself instead!

I promise he does have redeeming qualities and is not always an absolute arsehole!

I had a traumatic tooth extraction last week. Stitches etc.

Tonight DH looked like he was dying having his tea. He has chapped lips. He's not called an ambulance though...

Honestly? I'd let him have it. I'd be raging.

Tell him what you've told us: 'You were 100% fine and poopooing my symptoms for days until I got a positive test. And suddenly, wham, you're at death's door and can't lift a finger. Well fuck you and fuck that bollocks. You grow up and throw in and stop being a man-child with manflu or get to fuck. Perhaps your mum will have you back.'

I hope you are all in isolation now. This is imperative no matter how mild your symptoms are.

Without reading the thread (apologize), I'm going to make a wild guess that it's as he fears he might have to take on a few extra responsibilities around the house and pull his weight more whilst you rest and recover, and this is his plan to opt out.

As a partner he's generally kind, considerate and helpful

You mean, when you have no needs of your own?

You say yourself it's exactly the same with your in laws. That's your future. Make decisions based on that. I'd also be worried about ill health in older age.