I've got C19. Why is my DH now pretending to be ill??

[dinosaurusmum]

I developed mild symptoms Monday (loss of smell, then taste a few days later) have felt a bit out of sorts but generally fine. Ordered home test anyway. Kept kids off school/nursery as precaution. Husband refused to isolate- "I'm not unwell. No symptoms. Why should I?!" In fairness he works outside and no contact with other others so not really a risk but not the point.

I've been extremely tired all week but thought it was migraine related. Imagine my shock to receive a positive Covid19 test today!

Literally the second I received it, DH has decided he is now absolutely desperately unwell. Has been ill for 2 weeks (err, no you haven't!!) Needs to rest over the next few days and has been generally painful to listen to all day.

I'm still feeling exhausted but getting on with it. He has absolutely no C19 symptoms but as with his usual attacks of hypochondria, I have to suck it up and get on with it. Including taking care of our 1&2 year old ds's whilst he sits on his fucking arse.

Aibu to expect him to grow the fuck up and help and that until he gets a positive test to assume he doesn't have it?! He was honestly 100% fine until my results came back.

What @ithinkiveseenthisfilmbeforethink said. Let him have it. Sleep in another room if you can. In the morning tell him he IS pulling his weight with the kids today and if he expects you to do it when ill, why can't he?

He doesn't want to care for his own kids and obviously isn't concerned by the fact you have it. This increases the risk of passing it to your kids even more so. What a complete lazy, unloving manchild. No way would I tolerate that.

As a partner he's generally kind, considerate and helpful

Except he's not is he.

As a partner he's generally kind, considerate and helpful

Until it's inconvenient for him. Do you really what MIL's future? Cos that's probably what you're looking at.

Hope you recover quickly and then do some hard thinking.

having the boys close together was absolutely not planned and younger ds was a one shot wonder in a blur of cluster feeding

Was this sex you wanted?

He does not sound kind and considerate. Not when you need him which is what matters. Honestly I don't get why anyone wants to be with someone who is great when things are good but shit when they are not. When times are not good is when you can tell if you made a good choice or not imo.

Honestly I don’t know how you can remain attracted to someone who behaves like this, that attention seeking woe be me, and fuck you shit, when you’re the one Ill

It’s so self cantered and pathetic. It’s who he is though. I doubt it’s going to change, just follow your mother in laws advice and ignore it so he doesn’t prolong it.

@Scaraffito

Without reading the thread (apologize), I'm going to make a wild guess that it's as he fears he might have to take on a few extra responsibilities around the house and pull his weight more whilst you rest and recover, and this is his plan to opt out.

This was my thought too. He suddenly gets sick and fucks off to bed so he doesn’t need to do more, as he feats that’s what’s coming, if the op is ill.

There are some women on here married to real dickheads (no offence meant, I’m one of those women). Really is a sad state of affairs. I’m sure there are plenty of great husbands too, but some of the stories I read on here make me despair.

How can you be with a man like that OP

yes it is more infuriating when you are sick and looking after kids when you have another adult int eh house than when you are a single parent.

ex wsa useless, but has got better as they have got older.

Jesus, why did any of you get married in the first place? So you'd have plenty of excuses to spend years complaining and playing blame games?

You makes your bed, but can't lie in it without moaning and slagging off your partners! I always remember a Tarot reader once said to me, if you want a happier more manageable life, always make sure you have a good look around the room before you close and bolt the door behind you.

I can give you her number... 😄

OP you don’t have to explain/justify your life choices to anyone. Ignore @Dancingwithdaftness, she’s rude.
Even if you don’t have severe symptoms yet, covid has been known to suddenly worsen in severity so probably is best you rest and go to bed. Tell your DH to give his head a wobble and get on with looking after his children, you’ll take it in turns if he tests positive too.

He isn’t there for you when you need him. So... there is something to think about there, when you consider growing old together.

@StanfordPines

I’d leave him just for drinking Fosters

So glad I'm not the only one thinking this 🤦‍♀️

Sorry no advice OP but commiseration. I thought I had C19 a couple of weeks ago, I suddenly developed an awful cough. While I was waiting for my test results, my DP convinced himself he was also sick and had a variety of symptoms. Once I got my negative result, he was magically well again and able to immediately disappear to work

His father is exactly the same and MIL is an absolute saint to remain married to him.

I’d say a martyr to be honest.

My ex used to be similar, to the point that if I felt poorly, I’d always ask him how he was feeling before mentioning I felt ill.

So he’d say something like I’m ok, then I’d tell him I felt poorly. I had to trick him into helping with the children. You could almost guarantee within hours he’d be feeling worse.

Notice he’s an ex.
Someone that loves you and cares about his family wouldn’t pretend to be ill to get out of pulling his weight with his family. He’s not stupid, he knows that you should be in bed resting, aiming to not pass it on to the children. But he’s gone to bed at 7pm after drinking and eating pizza. Can you see how low on his priority list you are?
Sorry to say this op but he doesn’t care.

You shouldn't be pushed onto risking the children get it too. It has been known to trigger previously unknown health issues for them.
Your 'D'H is being irresponsible letting you look after the children when you are confirmed positive. You should be isolating from your other household members.
I agree that he's nice when things go his way. This is not okay.

Your Covid might have a silver lining.

It’s a really concrete example of his ‘dragging a wing’ nonsense. You can outline it confidently to the couples therapist you're going to find and take him to. He’s gifted you a spectacular timeline of head-shaking decisions and statements to run with.

Without Covid, it might have been harder to explain or be taken seriously. Remember to mention he learned this behaviour at his father’s knee, and that you fear you’ll be having to support your kids’ needs, as well as your own, forever. While he martyrs himself, over nothing, upstairs.

I’d probably add that if I was facing the workload and future effectively alone, I’d be wondering why I’d have to ‘carry him’ as well. I think a good therapist will drill down and give him exercises to work on. Being taken to therapy should give him a short, sharp shock in the right direction.

I wouldn’t ask, demand or threaten therapy. Just make the appointments (when you’re well again) and tell him it’s set up and on xx time/day. Don’t cancel if he tries to convince you he’ll ‘do better’, or downplays it. It’s behaviour that runs pretty deep, I’d say. Eventually he might do the maths and see that he can choose the ‘hard work’ of therapy, or just the ‘hard work’ of looking after his family properly.

Wish I could make you a cuppa, and take the kids off your hands for an hour. Get well soon.

Has he had a test?

Tell him you want proof of an positive test result and if he doesn’t have one then he needs to get off his arse and take care of his kids as you’re the one who actually has a positive CV19 test!

He sounds insufferable, OP. It’s like he can’t hear you have something he doesn’t.

My symptoms were very mild at the start. I thought I’d be back to work after the 10 days.... But now a few weeks later I’m exhausted and have trouble concentrating. Hard to explain but never felt like it before - even when my twins were newborn. It’s more than sleep deprivation.

Take care OP, maybe ditch the DH

He's now swearing at me for "not taking care of him when he's ill" except he's not Ill.

I see that your later posts try and defend him. I've started similar threads, you moan about your partner, people come back to (rightly) tell you he is a dick and something takes over, who knows what it is, loyalty, guilt, embarrassment,... Whatever it is it leads to statements like "he means well really" and " he's a good dad" and " I don't think he means any harm" the reality is that if he is expecting his poorly wife to nurse him through his fake illness he is one of the following:

1. an idiot who doesn't understand real from fake or right from wrong
2. a selfish arsehole
3. a manipulative arsehole

Which category does your DH fall into? I've given this a lot of thought and I honestly can't see a fourth option for a mentally healthy human being to expect his covid positive wife to nurse him,

I think you have got to get this sorted now. Do not lose that anger and use it constructively. Make it crystal clear how his behaviour is impacting you now. I would fear for the future if you were to get Ill as in seriously ill being hospitalised, having surgery, needing time to recover or maybe never regaining full health. How do think that is going to play out.
I would put the kids in with him and tell that you are now totally self isolating and that means he is responsible for child care bringing meals to your room plus cleaning the bathroom after each time you use it if you aren't up to it.

Hope you are feeling better soon

@Thisismyfightsong

I will never understand why women marry never mind procreate with these types of useless men. He sounds like a complete waste of space who has form for this yet you’ve had two children with him!!!!

I mentioned to my DH that my back felt sore. He ran me a bath and brought me up a glass of wine while he makes dinner. I have been seriously ill before and he moves heaven and earth to do what he can for me.

Unfortunately as he’s taken himself off to bed there is not much you can do but I would strongly consider leaving him and finding someone who actually loves and cares for you and for gods sake don’t have any more children with him!!!

Hope you feel better soon and that your symptoms improve.

Women marry and yes procreate with nob head men because when they're dating them the sneaky b'strds tend to leave their 'I'm a nob head' T-shirt at home!