I've got C19. Why is my DH now pretending to be ill??

[dinosaurusmum]

I developed mild symptoms Monday (loss of smell, then taste a few days later) have felt a bit out of sorts but generally fine. Ordered home test anyway. Kept kids off school/nursery as precaution. Husband refused to isolate- "I'm not unwell. No symptoms. Why should I?!" In fairness he works outside and no contact with other others so not really a risk but not the point.

I've been extremely tired all week but thought it was migraine related. Imagine my shock to receive a positive Covid19 test today!

Literally the second I received it, DH has decided he is now absolutely desperately unwell. Has been ill for 2 weeks (err, no you haven't!!) Needs to rest over the next few days and has been generally painful to listen to all day.

I'm still feeling exhausted but getting on with it. He has absolutely no C19 symptoms but as with his usual attacks of hypochondria, I have to suck it up and get on with it. Including taking care of our 1&2 year old ds's whilst he sits on his fucking arse.

Aibu to expect him to grow the fuck up and help and that until he gets a positive test to assume he doesn't have it?! He was honestly 100% fine until my results came back.

I’m so sorry you’re ill, and more sorry still that you are saddled with this piss poor excuse for a bloke.

You have kids together too and he still won’t step up and help you

Fuck that.

I had a cold a couple of years ago, sure it was a himdinger, but not the end of the world and all that

My OH (big arse job, head honcho etc) asked if I wanted him to stay home to look after me!

I’d never had anyone bother with me like that before, not even my own mother, (my son’s dad had be scrubbing sheets after a sodding MC!)

Not telling you any of this to make you feel bad, more to show you that there ARE good people about and you deserve one.

I hope you’re on the mend, sending love and hugs 🤗

@RandomMess

The op knows he is lying!!'

I’m aware of that, but it would be fun to show him the evidence that proves he is lying.

"I’m aware of that, but it would be fun to show him the evidence that proves he is lying."

I'd just save it as a delicious surprise for the unreasonable behaviour section in the divorce papers tbh

Why on earth would you stay with a man like this???

I wouldn't put it past him to try to get covid off you now just to try to turn his lie into the truth to beat you with.

Imagine if you got seriously ill or injured OP. Cancer, heart disease, broken hip... think he'd be there for you? Nope.

Glad you've seen the light and are making plans to get him out of your daily life. What a waster.

Proud of you OP, hope you are feeling better soon

@MarriedtoDaveGrohl

Tosser. Others will say it better. I'll just add my business minded cynical 2p (a useful place to be sometimes).

Get what you can. Manipulate and lie and get him to pay for things to be fixed (or fix them). Flatter, cajole, make shit up. And go to bed first.

Make agreements you aren't going to keep. Things like you will go to bed today as you're a little further along the illness than he is and tomorrow he can go to bed early. Of just say nothing and take yourself up there and pass out'.

Engineer it so everything is paid for on his card. You'll 'pay it back later' or 'get it next time'. Any diy etc. He has a van so presumably has some kind of trade skills. Use them. I imagine he's a cocklodger anyway. Find a way to reverse that before you get him out.

Meanwhile you need to physically keep him away because you do NOT want him getting this for real. You need to look after your health and eat the right thing. No salt, no sugar. Chicken. Veges.

Play him, and look after yourself 100%. Then think about how you can get him out but have him pay for his children and how he's going to take care of them so you can work without becoming a financial drain or 50/50 arsehole.

There's been some good advice on here in the past and every once in a while a solicitor pops up and I always pay attention when they do. One said don't go for one just because they give you a free half hour. That won't be the best one. You may not need one. If it's a case of telling him to move out then great and maybe maintenance can be done through CMS?

But as far as finances go you need to be very fucking careful he doesn't strip out joint accounts or take debts in your name/using your address. He's the type that would I'm afraid. A liar is a dangerous person. Financially and sometimes physically. He has a whole house of cards inside his head. A world of carefully constructed fantasy that he needs to survive. Protect everything you can before you even hint at separating. Let him think you believe his stupid fantasies.

Time for an Oscar award winning performance- just for long enough to get rid.

You're suggesting OP behaves the same, if not worse than him? Two wrongs don't make a right!!!

You sound strong, OP. I'm glad you are seeing him in the correct light now. Wishing you and your children much luck and joy.

@dinosaurusmum How are things OP?

Of all the shocking things on this thread, the fact that he lied about his positive test is just....

Is his father a lier too? Or has he learned this himself?

Either way I hope you are feeling better and glad your eyes have been opened.

Argh *liar

There's definitely an air of tension in the house. We've barely spoken. He's still huffing and puffing... general attention seeking about how "ill" he is.

I've absolutely ignored it and not offered him so much as a cup of tea. I refuse to play along with his charade. He's called at least 20 different people today to tell them about his (pretend) Covid19. If I roll my eyes much more I'm sure they'll fall out of my head.

I realised earlier that I've got the "ick" with him now. We brushed past one another in the kitchen and I recoiled. There has definitely been a shift in me.

In fairness, I think he feels it too. I wonder if it's dawned on him that he's overdone it this time and contemplating his next move?

His arrogance will prevent him from making any kind of concession or climbing down from his high horse and frankly I really couldn't care less.

My brain hurts from thinking about forward planning and doing what I can to protect the kids from the fallout. There will be no violence or anything like that, he will definitely go on a bender, that could last days/weeks but it'll happen. If he does that he won't earn and he certainly won't provide for us if he's not with us. I'm quite sure he'll avoid maintenance. So I'm going to have to look at ways I can bring in some money (currently sahm) once I've secured something I'll be in a much better position.

If I play it cool though he may be inclined just to go. Being starved of my attention kills him and I can see it. He's the type that thrives on it. I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if he's wondering about what poor woman could be a stopgap to fill my space.

Best case scenario right now is that he just fucks off. His family will definitely close ranks and he'll be welcomed back with open arms so that's a good bet.

Whatever happens it's clear we're absolutely done, just not sure who'll blink first and say it. If he does it himself he'll be guilty enough to maintain some civility. If I do it his ego won't cope and he'll make my life difficult for a long time. That fear has kept me managing him for a long time now but the scales have tipped and I'd rather face it that waste more years of him turning into his father (and me being stuck for 45+ years like his poor mother. The thought fills me with dread)

It's strange isn't it how you can subconsciously realise who someone is but carry on because you know the real him will be nasty and vindictive if you end it.

He's got away with treating you crappily for a long time but has pushed it far enough dealing with ending it is now less crappy than staying with him.

Like you say he has tipped the scales...

Has your DD got her test results yet?

Once you see them for who they really are you can never go back, it's like seeing the sun at its brightest even if you close your eyes again you still see it.

Hm yes definitely some careful moves needed here. You need to think about what time frame works for you. Now? Right now? Or a few months when you've got some money set aside?

If he does go on a bender the good news is you can send his stuff to his parents and tell them he's out (as a result of that). Make up some sanctimonious nonsense about drinking and small babies and that's that. See if you can uncover some cheating (there's bound to be if you've not been intimate much lately these men need attention and will get it elsewhere if not at home.

As I said before (@Cantbreathe2020 thanks for re posting... and yes two wrongs absolutely DO make a right sometimes) think about what you need from him and how you can do this in the most financially safe way possible.

You have two young children plus your DD to support - this prick isn't giving you a penny. You'll figure it out, you're clearly not stupid. In fact how you ended up with someone as thick as him I'll never know. Like you say he was super charming.

But one thing about dating down... they are never grateful. You would think they would be, but they aren't. If you're smarter, or earn more, or are better looking they just get all resentful and shag women that make them feel better about themselves. I think he's one of these. Ick.

caught up now op i really like your attitude but sorry it turned out this way

you can do this it will be a weight lifted off you when hes gone

@Chattycatty

Once you see them for who they really are you can never go back, it's like seeing the sun at its brightest even if you close your eyes again you still see it.

Well put.

That really is what a lightbulb moment is like.

Oh OP....
I'm in a bad mood so I'm definitely going to add to this moan about fucking men. My DP who I love dearly and is in most ways good is also a repeat wearer of the Dressing Gown of Doom, and whenever I'm ill (which is very very rare) he also has to be more ill and more pathetic. It's like clockwork the way his symptoms magically appear out of nowhere the very second I start feeling even ever so sightly less awful - it's like 'oh, you've had one day of taking it ever so slightly easier than normal, so now it's my turn and I'm going to be REALLY ill and pathetic and not be able to do ANYTHING' fucking gives me the rage.... and I know if I say anything it will then be all about his long term health condition (which he does have) which is nonetheless entirely unrelated to whatever imaginary symptoms he is now suffering from.

I really admire you OP. You sound incredibly strong.

Dancingwithdaftness and BuddyRun, I had to log on to tell you how stupid your comments are. GO AWAY and only come back when you’ve learnt how to read simple English because nowhere has the OP said she’s desperately unwell and can’t cope. Her posts are highlighted in green. How hard can it be to read what she said and perform some simple English comprehension exercises? Too hard for some, apparently.

Glad you said it @charlestonchaplin

Hope you're doing okay. You posted on my thread as we're in similar circumstances. Best wishes

Well so much for getting my ducks in a row facepalm

We've barely spoken in days. Tonight dd made a joke about a running annoyance she and I have with him and he threw a bit of a shit fit! Said me and dd constantly gang up on him. I said he needs to grow up a bit. If it's constantly the same thing we go on about, then surely the way to stop us joking is to stop doing it?? (He balls used crisp packets up into their corners and flicks them away. We can find 6+ on any given day) I think it's disrespectful as if he's not picking them up then by default he expects me or dd to do it?!

I'm wrong as always. I'm always finding fault apparently. He said "you think I'm a shit dad" I replied "at times you have been" (including when my son was born via horrific emcs that nearly killed us both. We were in hospital over a week. Extremely outing but on day 14 it was New Year's Eve. He'd been told I was far too poorly to be left alone and that I was not to pick the baby up in case of rupture, he should be passed to me at all times. We had a squabble about the amount he'd had to drink at 5pm, I hobbled to the bathroom and he's gone. Thought he'd gone upstairs to bed. When I checked, he'd actually left. Crept out the back door. Left it unlocked and climbed over the fence. Literally fucked off without a word on New Year's Eve. Me and baby alone. Dds at dads. He got off his face on drink and drugs, climbed back over the fence at 9am on New Year's Day. I was devastated. Not so much as a call or text to see we were ok.) I think that's categorically a shit dad. Apparently he has apologised enough for that incident and I should let it go. Honestly, I'm fully aware I should have ended this shit show there and then. Actually I did. He took himself off to AA and after a few months of him being sober and healthy I really thought he'd changed. I'm an absolute mug and I know it.

At least he knows I'm done. I'm emotionless about the whole thing. No anger, no tears. Just resigned to the inevitable.

He's in the kitchen drinking vodka, feeling sorry for himself. "You think I'm a shit dad. I'll never forget that" good. Think about that and improve!!

I just cannot be fucked with this life. He's an albatross that I don't need.

Never mind. So it's out in the open - that makes it harder, but there's still a divorce and a life without this tosser at the end of it.