I've got C19. Why is my DH now pretending to be ill??

[dinosaurusmum]

I developed mild symptoms Monday (loss of smell, then taste a few days later) have felt a bit out of sorts but generally fine. Ordered home test anyway. Kept kids off school/nursery as precaution. Husband refused to isolate- "I'm not unwell. No symptoms. Why should I?!" In fairness he works outside and no contact with other others so not really a risk but not the point.

I've been extremely tired all week but thought it was migraine related. Imagine my shock to receive a positive Covid19 test today!

Literally the second I received it, DH has decided he is now absolutely desperately unwell. Has been ill for 2 weeks (err, no you haven't!!) Needs to rest over the next few days and has been generally painful to listen to all day.

I'm still feeling exhausted but getting on with it. He has absolutely no C19 symptoms but as with his usual attacks of hypochondria, I have to suck it up and get on with it. Including taking care of our 1&2 year old ds's whilst he sits on his fucking arse.

Aibu to expect him to grow the fuck up and help and that until he gets a positive test to assume he doesn't have it?! He was honestly 100% fine until my results came back.

Mind you, he should be quarantining anyway as you have it.

I read this thread last night when I was up with the baby. I can't believe there are people out there who are like this.

Get rid of him OP and consider reporting him if he does leave the house.

@dinosaurusmum

Feel like fucking screaming. He's on the phone now organising to take his van in for a repair. Told him he is under no circumstances to leave the house. It is illegal. We cannot afford the fine. It's dangerous and irresponsible... etc etc.

"It will be fine. I'll wear my mask"

For fucks sake.

Absolute selfish fucker My friends husband is a mechanic and has COPD I’d be fucking livid if your ‘d’h turned up. Positive or not he should be isolating.

I don't believe he is positive but he needs to be isolating as he lives with you and you are positive.

If you know where he's booked the van in I would ring them and tell them he has tested positive and he intends to bring the van in..... I imagine they will ring him back sharp and tell him his business is no longer welcome.

@PeppaPrick

If he goes out lock the door behind him. What an absolute arse.

This. He’s thick as shit. Get rid.

That's the entire crux of my argument. He refused to isolate as he had no symptoms. Only I did. He still has no symptoms. Now he wishes to bend the rules to suit himself as per usual.

So in essence too sick to care for me who does indeed have (worsening) symptoms. Too sick to care or even assist in caring for his kids. But strangely enough, not sick enough for him to make any changes or stay indoors and follow the rules like every other person in the uk.

He is NOT Dominic Cummings but every bit as much of an utter prick.

OP honestly I feel so bad for you, I honestly hope that this is the end of it for you and you intend to give him some home truths and show him the door when you are well.

Sounds like my ex husband. He’s an ex for a reason. I’m now married to a lovely grown up. I suggest you do the same

My first ever LTB and I mean it.

Ugh. I'm so sorry you're married to such a prick. Try to relax, ignore his antics, and get well soon, then leave him.

You need some outside help OP. You don't need this stress on top of C19. Shopping, cooked meals to be left on dooorstep

@dinosaurusmum

That's the entire crux of my argument. He refused to isolate as he had no symptoms. Only I did. He still has no symptoms. Now he wishes to bend the rules to suit himself as per usual.

So in essence too sick to care for me who does indeed have (worsening) symptoms. Too sick to care or even assist in caring for his kids. But strangely enough, not sick enough for him to make any changes or stay indoors and follow the rules like every other person in the uk.

He is NOT Dominic Cummings but every bit as much of an utter prick.

Quite. What does he say when you ask how he can be too ill to care for you, or parent, or do anything other than sleep, but not ill enough to need to isolate?

What a selfish man.

He just keeps saying "well you don't believe I'm ill anyway!" He's incredibly childish so I won't get anything like a measured, considered argument.

My eldest dd is 20 and last night sent me a list of some of his ridiculous behaviours over the years. It made for some extremely sobering reading. I've been flogging a dead horse for a long time but I suppose I've become desensitised.

I'm getting my ducks in a row.

What an utter selfish prick.

I'd be truly shocked if you can ever repair your disgust for him now.

Glad to hear you're going to get your ducks in a row, but try to rest up for now.

I’m glad to hear you’re planning on leaving. Please don’t weaken when this situation blows over. He is hideous and your poor girls can see it. Your sons will grow up just like him if you don’t get them out of this situation. Your MiL isn’t a saint, she’s a fool.

He is a complete and utter pig. He sounds repulsive and pathetic. Please show your children you demand better for yourself and them than this.

Oh and agree with PP to tell him you’ll phone police if he goes out having had a positive test result. That may prompt him to admit his vile lies, probably not though because he’s a nasty piece of work who doesn’t give a shit about the people that he could literally kill by going out

Gosh. Sounds like both DDs are clear eyed about this man and waiting for you to just finally get it.

Ok so firstly who's going to look after the kids? Not you but someone needs to. And who is going to look after you? Food etc? That's the first thing to look at. He's a by the by. Not important. He's not sick doesn't need help and won't help. I would be suggesting strongly he self isolate elsewhere and telling him I'll report him if he doesn't. He needs to stay with his parents.

You keep doing all of this on your own - what about other family? You can't send your kids to school and someone needs to be with them.

That can not be you.

YOU HAVD A HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS AND DANGEROUS DISEASE. Please get some help.

His behavior is rage inducing. I'm so sorry OP. I hope you're ok. Get well soon.

I am the very last person to suggest this usually but unless he is prepared to take on all childcare and domestic duties and look after you I think you need to think about calling social services for help. You need to be completely apart from the family and someone needs to be with the children. And you need looking after. Sure your 13 year old could do it in a pinch. But she's 13. And shouldnt have to deal with your husband who is her step parent and who will demand he is also looked after if he's there.

I honestly think you need him out of the house unless he has a major epiphany. Is there no one you can talk to that will slap him around the ears? I think that there needs to be a degree of other people knowing he's doing this and pulling him into line. You keeping his secrets and protecting him from people knowing is making things worse.

Do you really have no friends or family or support network? You mentioned you like to be stoic but this is just ridiculous - and you must not have any contact with other people. Unless for some reason it's considered that children are 'safe' from harm?

The idea that he is planning on getting his van fixed beggars belief. He's not sick and is pretending to be. It's one of the mist batshit things I've ever heard. Clearly it's just one of many batshit things he does.

What a mess. You need someone to help you understand his this should be handled. In the meantime deliveroo is doing groceries in London and slots are open on many of the grocery delivery services. Or you might be able to get nutritious hot takeaways delivered, and I'm sure DD will bring them up to you.

But how you look after younger children with Covid and no help I wouldn't know. What a mess. I really feel for you

I don’t blame you for leaving at all OP

But be prepared for begging and maybe even “I’ll kill myself if you leave” threats. He seems like the sort to shout that out

He won’t do it. He’s too selfish

Is there an option to lock and block the door if he’s gone out with his van?

You can call the number on the receipt and they will check the status of the test, but they will not give the result over the phone. He's lying.

If he goes out that door it will slam shut behind him. Rent is in my sole name. Financially will be tough but I've been in worse positions.

I've had the suicide threats before. Sickening actually because unfortunately my sibling died that way. I'm seeing his manipulation in stunning clarity and I just don't want this for me and the kids anymore. His only contribution is money. I need peace more than I need full pockets.

There are obviously loose ends to tie before turfing him out but there is no other way. I can see him for exactly who he is and I'm disgusted.

At present we're both seeing to the boys. I can see him absolutely desperate to go and get into bed though and I have no doubt he will before the afternoon is out.

Cough is dry and not nice but thankfully not constant so hopeful I'm at the worst and I can keep going if I have to. Though obviously I shouldn't have to.

Still no texts/emails or track and trace about result.

What an absolute waste of skin. I'll never look at him the same way. Our marriage is dead in the water.