I've got C19. Why is my DH now pretending to be ill??

[dinosaurusmum]

I developed mild symptoms Monday (loss of smell, then taste a few days later) have felt a bit out of sorts but generally fine. Ordered home test anyway. Kept kids off school/nursery as precaution. Husband refused to isolate- "I'm not unwell. No symptoms. Why should I?!" In fairness he works outside and no contact with other others so not really a risk but not the point.

I've been extremely tired all week but thought it was migraine related. Imagine my shock to receive a positive Covid19 test today!

Literally the second I received it, DH has decided he is now absolutely desperately unwell. Has been ill for 2 weeks (err, no you haven't!!) Needs to rest over the next few days and has been generally painful to listen to all day.

I'm still feeling exhausted but getting on with it. He has absolutely no C19 symptoms but as with his usual attacks of hypochondria, I have to suck it up and get on with it. Including taking care of our 1&2 year old ds's whilst he sits on his fucking arse.

Aibu to expect him to grow the fuck up and help and that until he gets a positive test to assume he doesn't have it?! He was honestly 100% fine until my results came back.

If you can’t say this to your DH (due to being interrupted or him deflecting every word) send him what you have written here.
He needs to hear it.

BTW! Bravo! 👏🏻

Op you are bloody marvellous...

I haven't read full thread yet, however my DP is extremely vulnerable, so if I could just phone for results I would have got them.
When I called the number on receipt they said they cannot see the results but to send an enquiry off. The phone call took me over an hour.
The woman said due to GDPR reasons they do not have access to the result. They managed to push the result through email but it still took 12 hours.

Round of applause for you from me. Tough times ahead, he won't make it easy, but I wish you a long happy life without him in it.

I am glad you have come to this realisation. I hope you feel better soon. Take care of yourself and your children

You have now been able seen the beautiful woods for the trees that were in your way

Your DC will be so bloody proud of you.

I've been single for nearly 8 long years OP, I was left with a newborn. I have never bothered to try and sift through dating, to find 'Mr Right' not after my ex (who sounds VERY similar to yours) I don't have the time, physically or mentally. I want to spend it with DC instead.
I have of course needed help a million times over, but sheer determination has made me head strong.

What I mean is, you will be fine, you will be so bloody happy, I cannot tell you.

Good on you, OP.

Onwards and upwards!

Thank you all. Honestly, your comments have given me the clarity I've needed to see things as they actually are.

How I play things now will have long repercussions. He's incredibly petty so I'm going to have to tread carefully. I need to make sure we have what we need and set us up with a bit of a cushion whilst he goes on a spectacular self destruct which is utterly inevitable.

He's currently moping around huffing and puffing (still absolutely not ill, his only malaise is "tiredness") I'm absolutely ignoring all behaviour and letting him get on with it.

My cough hasn't got any worse thank goodness and I feel better today than I have for about 2 weeks. Hopefully I'm over that hill now.

A poster suggested sending him this thread or a portion of it, he won't read my texts if they are more than a few lines so that's unlikely to happen!

Keep the thread for your own support and strength. Don't show it to him. It'll only piss him off and make everything worse.

Ugh. He's a horrible selfish brat.

And this is why I love MN.

You’ve come on here for a bit of a moan about your useless H and have been woken up to what an absolute shit show of a ‘partner’ he is, you’re now armed with determination to make some changes to improve your life.

I know some people are horrified by the LTB reactions on here to seemingly innocuous situations, but this is a clear example of why we all say it. Nobody should be living with someone who makes their life harder than it would be alone.

You deserve better OP, and ‘better’ doesn’t always mean a better man, just a better situation for yourself, whether that’s alone or with someone else.

Carrying this weak selfish man for the rest of your life will break you. I’m glad you’ve seen him for what he is and that you are prepared to show your DCs (especially DD) that nobody needs to put up with someone using them as a prop for their ego

OP, I could have written your post (this morning at 9:19)

As long as I was keeping everything smoothly running all was ok. But if I dared to be ill I was at best ignored.

I'm very rarely ill. I did everything for the home, all the childcare, household tasks. His contribution to our home was to pay the bills and put the bin out once a fortnight. That was his job done in his eyes.

I remember being really ill twice in 25 years. Once having flu and I desperately needed water but was too weak to get any. I went 12 hours until he came to bed and even then it was begrudgingly given.

Another time I'd had day surgery and really couldn't move. I'd not eaten since the evening before surgery and as it had been delayed, by the time we got home it was 36 hours since I'd had eaten. I was so wanting a piece of toast or some soup. But no, he wasn't waiting on me! I was given a biscuit as 'he wasn't cooking' and didn't I know 'he'd had to give up a day to drive me to the hospital and collect me afterwards'.

Bastard.

Eventually I saw the light and divorced him. It took me a long time not to think 'poor him'.

We are easily conditioned to accept any kindness. It's just not right or normal OP.

Many years later I'm married to an amazing man, who would move heaven and earth to look after me. I still look at him and can't believe how very different he is, how can two people who both 'love/loved' me treat me so differently.

Use this thread to empower you. Keep it safe and re-read if you are feeling you need to know you are not going mad. You are being abused.

I was long term single for over 5 years before meeting him. Genuinely they were the happiest years of my life. I learned to like myself and gained a sense of value and self respect. Being single was a genuinely happy time for me and it took a really long time for anyone to break through my wall.

I understand now I was love bombed. He is incredibly warm and charming, he did all of the legwork and the effort he put into gaining my love was incredible.

Over time he is near unrecognisable from that wonderful man of that first couple of years.

It just shows how clever and cunning people like him can be.

Well if he can play the long game, so can I. I now hold all the cards and intend to play them to my advantage.

I will untangle this dynamic and will get him out as soon as my ducks are sorted.

I recently stopped breastfeeding my youngest after 18+ months. He framed it as having to get ds into his own room but more recently has made comments about "getting his wife back" I'm beginning to see it as he feels in competition for my attention.

Your comments have really opened my eyes and I'm so very grateful for the support.

My BIL does this every time my sister gets ill and its simply because he cant bear the idea of having to take on full childcare and household responsibilities while she rests. Selfish!

Shame you will be far too unwell post Covid to be up for sex!!!

Just urgh at "getting my wife back"

@dinosaurusmum. You are amazing. Please be careful as men like this won't let you go quietly.

He'll threaten custody of the kids
Will say he'll be generous with money then down the line will cut it off

I'm sure others can add to the list of what to look out for when he realises his control has gone.

Take care.

@dinosaurusmum - I am truly sorry that I posted a lighthearted post on here (the 'dressing gown of doom' one). In light of your later posts, I clearly misjudged this completely, and apologise wholeheartedly.

I am sorry that you are having such a horrible time with this useless man, and glad that you are getting support on here.

The test will confirm whether you currently have COVID-19. You will be sent a text message and/or an email with your test result

From the Gov.uk site. He is full of shit. But you already know that.

Is there any way of getting your hands on his phone? Can you run yours right down and tell him you want to borrow his to phone your mum? Then have a quick nosy through his texts/emails to see if you can find the Covid message.

The op knows he is lying!!'

Even if he had spoken to the testing people, he would still have received the email and text confirmation. It's an automated system, they're not going to say "oh yeah I spoke to Bob, don't need to send him his results" .

Not to mention people need to be able to provide these to work and schools.

I amazed at the clarity you have of the situation knowing that you are also very clearly under the weather too.

And I agree about taking things slowly and doing things in your own time. You need to recover first and foremost and protect yourself. Ignoring him when he is mopping around saying he is unwell is a very good strategy ime.

As for fighting for attention with his own baby... I’m lost for words.

OP, your awareness is your strength.

Hope you start to feel better soon.

💐 hope you feel better soon. Bravo for seeing the light and get those little yellow quacking guys fully lined up. We’re all rooting for you, you deserve so much better than that 🍑 🕳