I've got C19. Why is my DH now pretending to be ill??

[dinosaurusmum]

I developed mild symptoms Monday (loss of smell, then taste a few days later) have felt a bit out of sorts but generally fine. Ordered home test anyway. Kept kids off school/nursery as precaution. Husband refused to isolate- "I'm not unwell. No symptoms. Why should I?!" In fairness he works outside and no contact with other others so not really a risk but not the point.

I've been extremely tired all week but thought it was migraine related. Imagine my shock to receive a positive Covid19 test today!

Literally the second I received it, DH has decided he is now absolutely desperately unwell. Has been ill for 2 weeks (err, no you haven't!!) Needs to rest over the next few days and has been generally painful to listen to all day.

I'm still feeling exhausted but getting on with it. He has absolutely no C19 symptoms but as with his usual attacks of hypochondria, I have to suck it up and get on with it. Including taking care of our 1&2 year old ds's whilst he sits on his fucking arse.

Aibu to expect him to grow the fuck up and help and that until he gets a positive test to assume he doesn't have it?! He was honestly 100% fine until my results came back.

I've had the suicide threats before. Sickening actually because unfortunately my sibling died that way.

Oh my....dear God. I'm so sorry, OP.

Oh OP I’m sorry I was right

And I’m sorry about your sibling.

He really is a waste of selfish space and precious oxygen isn’t he?

He is a grade A prick.

I've had the suicide threats before. Sickening actually because unfortunately my sibling died that way. I'm seeing his manipulation in stunning clarity and I just don't want this for me and the kids anymore. His only contribution is money. I need peace more than I need full pockets.

He makes me feel sick just from reading this, let alone everything else. What an absolute arsehole he sounds. Thinking of you OP , and sorry for your previous loss.

Tosser. Others will say it better. I'll just add my business minded cynical 2p (a useful place to be sometimes).

Get what you can. Manipulate and lie and get him to pay for things to be fixed (or fix them). Flatter, cajole, make shit up. And go to bed first.

Make agreements you aren't going to keep. Things like you will go to bed today as you're a little further along the illness than he is and tomorrow he can go to bed early. Of just say nothing and take yourself up there and pass out'.

Engineer it so everything is paid for on his card. You'll 'pay it back later' or 'get it next time'. Any diy etc. He has a van so presumably has some kind of trade skills. Use them. I imagine he's a cocklodger anyway. Find a way to reverse that before you get him out.

Meanwhile you need to physically keep him away because you do NOT want him getting this for real. You need to look after your health and eat the right thing. No salt, no sugar. Chicken. Veges.

Play him, and look after yourself 100%. Then think about how you can get him out but have him pay for his children and how he's going to take care of them so you can work without becoming a financial drain or 50/50 arsehole.

There's been some good advice on here in the past and every once in a while a solicitor pops up and I always pay attention when they do. One said don't go for one just because they give you a free half hour. That won't be the best one. You may not need one. If it's a case of telling him to move out then great and maybe maintenance can be done through CMS?

But as far as finances go you need to be very fucking careful he doesn't strip out joint accounts or take debts in your name/using your address. He's the type that would I'm afraid. A liar is a dangerous person. Financially and sometimes physically. He has a whole house of cards inside his head. A world of carefully constructed fantasy that he needs to survive. Protect everything you can before you even hint at separating. Let him think you believe his stupid fantasies.

Time for an Oscar award winning performance- just for long enough to get rid.

I hope you feel better soon, he sounds awful

Thank goodness he won't be able to procreate and be a useless father for anymore children.

I really really hope you feel much better soon and non of the DC catch it.

Feel like fucking screaming. He's on the phone now organising to take his van in for a repair. Told him he is under no circumstances to leave the house. It is illegal. We cannot afford the fine. It's dangerous and irresponsible... etc etc.

You could always dob him in when he leaves the house. I know you say you can't afford the fine but you can't afford this either. Getting his behaviour on record might be cheaper in the long run.

A friend of mine had me howling once about BF who got very slappy so she called the tax man on his cheating. Took care of her problems for about 50p!! :).

OP, what a complete wankstain of a man.

Second the advice to come over all Dame aux Camelias and just head up to your room (shouldn't be hard as you are genuinely really ill). Then as soon as you're clear of symptoms and allowed out and about, change the locks on the bastard.

Thank god the tenancy's in your name.

Tell him you have had a phone call from test and trace and he has to leave immediately. I'm so angry on your behalf I've been with someone like this and no matter what was wrong with me, he had it worse.

@canigooutyet just read your post - I think the 13 year old was commenting on the DH response !! saying that, not the teen himself. The teen realises what a twat the DH is. It's the DH who said I must have it too and hasn't asked how OP is. Really really fucking awful. Off to read rest of thread now and hoping OP feels better.

God what an absolute shit. My husband and I both had confirmed Covid, I felt terrible with it, he was asymptomatic bar losing his taste/smell. He looked after me and our young boys for the four days I was in bed. Despite actually having it too - let alone pretending. Leave him, it won't get any better x

Is he wearing the dressing gown of doom yet?
Seriously though, I'd love to witness his reaction when his test comes back negative!

I've had the suicide threats before. Sickening actually because unfortunately my sibling died that way.

I would have left him just for that OP. I've also lost a relative that way, I feel your pain. I wouldn't be able to get past that. No way. He's despicable.

If he threatens suicide you absolutely must take him at his word and ring his GP's surgery for advice. Tell him when you've done this. He probably won't try that as a manipulation tactic again.

Oh OP I'm so sorry, what an absolute dickhead. Take care to make sure the door bangs him on the arse on the way out xxx

Can't his mum have him there? Message her and say he needs to isolate somewhere else.

I would also ring the garage when he's not around and tell them he has stated he is positive for Covid but has booked in anyway.

🌺

Let him threaten away, he won't ever do it. life is going to be so sweet without him in your home.

I'm so sorry to read your post. I hope you feel better soon and manage to create a happy life without him.

What's the latest OP?

Often with these threads it will be a DP having an off arsehole day (we all have them) and MN are trying to drag out of them that their DP is an arse all the time and the OP should leave them.

I really thought this thread would go that way.

Except on this occasion it turns out that your husband really is an awful person, he's a product of his environment (I hate that saying) from when he was a child and that won't change unfortunately.

Best of luck to you.

@CovidStoleTheRainbow

What's the latest OP?

Often with these threads it will be a DP having an off arsehole day (we all have them) and MN are trying to drag out of them that their DP is an arse all the time and the OP should leave them.

I really thought this thread would go that way.

Except on this occasion it turns out that your husband really is an awful person, he's a product of his environment (I hate that saying) from when he was a child and that won't change unfortunately.

Best of luck to you.

Really? In my experience there's usually a huge background of arsehole behaviour that gradually comes out. People in happy relationships tend not to take to the internet for advice when their partner comes home after a 12 hour shift and says "oh would you please leave me alone!"

Thank you all for the support. Honestly, it means a lot to me.

I started the thread as a bit of a whinge at him being a bit of a prick, but it's dawned on me that it's much worse than that. I've realised I've been slowly conditioned to his fuckery but that now the scales have tipped and there are far less instances of good times and I've been holding on to those as proof of him actually being a good man.

He's not. The crying/begging/manipulative shit after his fuck ups have long faded.

Two kids in quick succession have ensured my tethering to him for his minimal support and whatever kindnesses he throws my way.

I've read so many threads about physical/sexual/financial/psychological abuse and thanked my lucky stars that's not me. I don't feel I'm a victim of abuse and my heart goes out to any of you experiencing such horrific treatment.

In simple terms, I've picked a duffer. He's childish, selfish and without empathy for me. He's not able to prioritise me in any kind of way and just because it's not abusive, doesn't make his behaviour right or acceptable.

I've done everything for this man. I've really dedicated myself to making his life better and anyone who knows us, comments on how highly he speaks of me, how he tells everyone I'm an amazing wife and mother.... blah blah blah.

I recognise from this thread I've been conditioned to that in the same way his mother has. My seeing her as saintly is because she's been used in the same way.

When I cannot/will not perform my perfect role, the house of cards falls apart. The facade all comes crashing down.

We have this image of our lives together that is entirely dependent on me fulfilling this character. As long as it pleases him, my life is pleasant. Me being unwell ruins that for him. I can't be that stepford wife when I'm ill and like fuck he plans to step in and step up.

This thread has been illuminating in more ways than one that I categorically didn't expect.

He is not enhancing my life, I am carrying him at the expense of my own happiness and I deserve to be be with a partner who gives a shit about me as a person and not what I provide in terms of emotional and household labour.

I will not allow my children to emulate this cycle.

Apologies for the long post but thank you all.

Standing ovation @dinosaurusmum. You're amazingly clear-sighted, and I wish you every success in detaching from this idiot human.

And I hope you're feeling better today?