... to ask my sister to stop seeing our parents?

[PluralPatty]

I’m ready to get flamed for this but I genuinely don’t know what to do. Namechanged as my other posts are too outing.

DSis is in her fifties, good health, works full time in a school, goes to the gym and eats and drinks out regularly. Visits the supermarket daily, salons, takes public transport for leisure purposes, has travelled about the country and generally carries on as pre-Covid, says she’s not really at risk, which is true. Her DH same and she has 4 DCs of varying ages between 15 and 24 who, as most younger people, are also doing stuff socially as well as being at work/school. All good, no problem with this at all.

However, she goes round to our parents’ place several times a week, maybe more. They’re both in their 80s, dad is frail after a series of strokes but considering everything, they do ok. DSis takes them groceries and other things, sometimes takes them out to cafes or the cinema etc, the usual stuff, only we’re not in usual times, are we?

My problem here is that I think she is unnecessarily exposing our parents to Covid and I think she should stop seeing them, or at least cut down a lot. There are 4 of us siblings and one lives abroad and has not been able to visit since Covid but of those who live locally, we all pull our weight equally with the parents. I’m lucky enough to be able to work from home and have decided not to return to the gym and haven’t been socialsing really, DB the same. We are both much better placed to be making sure our parents have everything they need, yet DSis cannot seem to see this and clearly cannot see the risk to our parents here.

Cases are growing round here and I am seriously worried about DSis passing on Covid to my frail parents. AIBU?

@PluralPatty

I didn’t post for reinforcement, I posted because I genuinely wanted to know if I was being unreasonable. Clearly I am so I’m not going to say anything

your not i get you

@PluralPatty

I didn’t post for reinforcement, I posted because I genuinely wanted to know if I was being unreasonable. Clearly I am so I’m not going to say anything

your not i get you

@PluralPatty

I didn’t post for reinforcement, I posted because I genuinely wanted to know if I was being unreasonable. Clearly I am so I’m not going to say anything

your not i get you

@PluralPatty

I didn’t post for reinforcement, I posted because I genuinely wanted to know if I was being unreasonable. Clearly I am so I’m not going to say anything

your not i get you

@PluralPatty

I didn’t post for reinforcement, I posted because I genuinely wanted to know if I was being unreasonable. Clearly I am so I’m not going to say anything

your not i get you

@PluralPatty

I didn’t post for reinforcement, I posted because I genuinely wanted to know if I was being unreasonable. Clearly I am so I’m not going to say anything

your not i get you

@PluralPatty

I didn’t post for reinforcement, I posted because I genuinely wanted to know if I was being unreasonable. Clearly I am so I’m not going to say anything

your not i get you

I get you Kateandme 😂😂😂

It's (probably) still legal for your parents go to cafes & cinema with their adult daughter. Beak out, OP.

Your parents could have another 10-15 years in them! Why are people talking as if it's their 'last few months'?!!

Unless your parents have stated that they wish to see her and go out etc I think it's ridiculous, frankly.

Her actions could kill your parents but you're not supposed to care because popping out for a coffee with your daughter is worth the risk of death?!

Do me a favour!

Unless your parents have stated that they wish to see her and go out etc I think it's ridiculous, frankly.

Unless they’ve stated that they don’t wish to see her and are being emotionally manipulated or something, then it’s ridiculous to totally overrule their wishes. As you say, they may have 10-15 years left in them. Presumably they are not incapable of making decisions about their own lives.

YABU and your brother has no right to be "fuming" but I see you have already realised this.

My mum is nearly 80 and is in our family bubble. She is in excellent health for her age. She feels so unhappy at the thought of not being able to travel abroad, not seeing her frail friends, not hugging people apart from us. There is now talk of vulnerable people having to lock themselves away.

I appreciate that she has it easy compared to people that have died, lost jobs etc so she certainly isn't unfeeling but she does feel depressed.

How could anyone reading this thread still think "Shut the vulnerable away and let the virus spread." was a viable option?

Only vulnerable people are dying of this virus.

Since the 2 August the daily average is 15.

There are more over 60s than under 16s in the county.

It’s not a killer virus for the vast majority of the population ffs.

@IronLawOfGeometricProgression because why not? Look at flu. We aren’t shutting everyone in their home despite it killing thousands every year. Here you go. www.express.co.uk/news/world/911394/flu-season-epidemic-2018-symptoms-latest-spread-news-cdc

Reading through this thread a lot of people seem to be saying, it’s their life, they’ve had a good innings- if they want to risk Covid (and potentially death as they are in a high risk group) rather than be “isolated”
University students and young people are being lambasted and accused of saying more or less the same thing, and then issues about taking up NHS resources and spreading to vulnerable groups are raised.
It’s not an either or choice
There are other options
Why can’t your sister listen to some ways of minimising the risk to your parents. Why is that interfering in their lives? Just asking her and them to be sensible. The attitude seems to be I want this so much I’ll probably be OK. Sounds like Trumpian attitude.

What is so outlandish about taking some sensible extra precautions instead of blithely ignoring the risks. This reminds me of heavy smokers who insist that if they die they die but it’s not just death, cigs might not kill you but might seriously affect your quality of life.
They may be in their 80s but many are (before this) reasonably healthy and more are living well into their 90s, so why deliberately court risks when efforts could be made to offer more protection?

"I just don't want my parents to die prematurely"

OP, I understand where you're coming from but to be a little blunt, even if they go tomorrow it's not premature. They've made it to their 80s. Presuming they are of sound mind, you need to let them make the decision about how they spend this time - if they'd rather see your sister and risk going now, then that's their choice. I'll be honest, I think I'd make exactly the same decision in their shoes. They probably don't have 10 years left anyway.... way spend 2-3 of them isolated from their family?

I get your concern OP. The Paramedics were called to my DF this morning. I went down and our area is no bubble or allowed inside extended family members houses. I gelled my hands and put my mask on and went in. My sister turned up no mask. I advised her to wear one to keep if anyone, the paramedics doubly safe and our parents as they weren't wearing masks. She reluctantly put it on whilst she was there. Thankfully my Dad didn't need to go into hospital this time.

@DuckbilledSplatterPuff university students tend to be around only people of their same cohort and they aren’t the ones needing treatment.

Freshers flu probably killed lots of people, just not students

@DuckbilledSplatterPuff

Reading through this thread a lot of people seem to be saying, it’s their life, they’ve had a good innings- if they want to risk Covid (and potentially death as they are in a high risk group) rather than be “isolated” University students and young people are being lambasted and accused of saying more or less the same thing, and then issues about taking up NHS resources and spreading to vulnerable groups are raised. It’s not an either or choice There are other options Why can’t your sister listen to some ways of minimising the risk to your parents. Why is that interfering in their lives? Just asking her and them to be sensible. The attitude seems to be I want this so much I’ll probably be OK. Sounds like Trumpian attitude.

What is so outlandish about taking some sensible extra precautions instead of blithely ignoring the risks. This reminds me of heavy smokers who insist that if they die they die but it’s not just death, cigs might not kill you but might seriously affect your quality of life.
They may be in their 80s but many are (before this) reasonably healthy and more are living well into their 90s, so why deliberately court risks when efforts could be made to offer more protection?

It’s a smokers choice though. Everybody is aware of the risks they do it because it’s something they enjoy it although it’s bad for you. If OP parents don’t want visits from their DD they will say so.

The government know full well that if they allowed people to holiday all over the world whilst opening the everything numbers would rise the students are being used as a scapegoat

YABVVU

Thanks everyone, I appreciate the replies.

Just to be clear, this isn’t a choice between carrying on as if Covid didn’t exist and locking my parents up in their house with no visitors, it’s about trying to achieve a happy medium. Yes, live our lives but take some extra precautions because we have elderly parents and although we acknowledge they have lived a long time and are going to die at some point, it doesn’t have to be now. I don’t think that is too much to ask, really.

DB is currently fuming with DSis (for this) so he might well say something before I ever got the chance to.

DB wants to wind his neck in and allow his parents to make their own choices! Hopefully he has said something and put in his place and told to mind his own business!

YABU!

DB wants to wind his neck in and allow his parents to make their own choices! Hopefully he has said something and put in his place and told to mind his own business!

Is the conduct of others towards his elderly, frail parents really none of his, or the OP's, business though?
I know it's ultimately the parents decision of course, but I think OP and her DB are right to voice their concerns.
And as she says, there's a middle ground.