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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL asking for thanks

541 replies

Sookiestackhouse5 · 10/10/2020 18:41

It was dd’s birthday last week. She received a voucher from PIL.
6 days later my DH has a strained conversation on the phone with MIL where she points out that she hasn’t been thanked for the voucher. She started going on about her generation & so on, making it clear she thinks it’s rude to not yet have had a thank you.
Let me add some context here as well. It’s been a very difficult few months for us. Dd developed (out of the blue) a medical/ mental health issue that has taken some adjusting to, & has understandably caused some significant stress. She has gone from being completely normal to now being classed as special educational needs at school.
A month after that happened my DH was taken into hospital for urgent surgery to treat a progressive condition he has. He has recovered well & gone back to work but is unable to drive at present so I am chauffeuring him about, as well as the dcs and working myself. Plus I’m worrying about the progression of his condition which is happening faster than we anticipated.
We both work quite stressful jobs.
What I’m saying here is that we feel like we have a lot on our plate, & are juggling a lot a balls.

I’m annoyed that after only 6 days we are being told off for not giving thanks yet. It’s not that I’m not grateful, just with everything else going on we hadn’t gotten round to her spending the voucher & saying thank you.
AIBU to be so annoyed??

OP posts:
SBTLove · 10/10/2020 18:43

You have a lot on but a text takes 2 seconds to send either from you or DD.

namechangefail2020 · 10/10/2020 18:44

It's really rude to not thank for a present and that's on the parents regardless of any pathetic back story, You're very wrong!!

Skyliner001 · 10/10/2020 18:45

Seriously, you are all being rude. Thank her. She is not being unreasonable.

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 10/10/2020 18:45

I do think its rude, sorry. Six days is almost a week. All it needed was a quick phone call. I understand you're having a rough time but I can also see where she is coming from. She could have been kinder though but she's probably hurt.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 10/10/2020 18:45

Sorry to hear that things are so tough for you, OP, I hope they settle soon.

I do understand exactly what you mean and I can see that you would have spent the voucher and then given a meaningful thanks to MIL, telling her what your daughter had bought with it. Understandable that you wouldn't have had a minute to yourself to do this.

I think, when you have a minute, I would explain this to MIL, that you didn't want to give a short "Thank you for the voucher MIL" text. That should make her think a bit. The generational thing might be in evidence but it's also the province of people with a lot of time on their hands to brood and ponder why other people don't do things in the same way that they do.

I wouldn't kowtow but I would sent a short (very short) thank you note with a brief explanation of why the 'thank you' was late on this occasion.

VainAbigail · 10/10/2020 18:45

In those 6 days no one had time to send a simple text message?

DorisDances · 10/10/2020 18:46

Sorry for your troubles but a thank you text is not much of an ask and would have reassured your PIL that it had been received safely and was appreciated.

RemyHadley · 10/10/2020 18:46

I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. But my children know to say thank you straightaway - either in person or by phone. We say thank you for gifts on the same day. For a voucher we’d then also send another thank you after they spent it with a photo showing what they chose.

You have been quite rude.

TidyDancer · 10/10/2020 18:47

Did you genuinely not say thank you when you received the voucher? Or is this that it hasn't been spent yet and she's annoyed she hasn't had a 'thank you for the ceramic tortoise I bought with my voucher' kind of thing?

If you've not said thank you at all then obviously YABU.

BeaverTail · 10/10/2020 18:47

I'm with you OP. I cant imagine getting angry at someone because they didn't thank me for a gift promptly enough (particularly less than a week). I wouldn't want to receive gifts from someone like that.

CalmdownJanet · 10/10/2020 18:47

Yabu, a text takes less than a minute. How old is your daughter?

DrFoxtrot · 10/10/2020 18:48

Sometimes it's all just too much to even send a quick text Thanks. Things can slip when you haven't got the headspace for everyday life.

HOkieCOkie · 10/10/2020 18:48

It takes two minutes to get your daughter to either ring and say thanks or write a thank you card.

dairyswim · 10/10/2020 18:48

Sorry OP YABU, a quick thank you text should have been sent.

Florencex · 10/10/2020 18:48

Yes YABU. It would have taken you seconds to send a thank you. Your other issues do not mean you no longer need to show manners to anyone else.

FOJN · 10/10/2020 18:48

Life does sound very busy and stressful but a quick text would have taken less time than your post here,which you found time for.

Surely a thank you and apology for the delay would be the easiest way to restore harmony rather than being annoyed.

Ragwort · 10/10/2020 18:48

How old is your DD? A quick phone call to say thank you to her DGM really shouldn't be too difficult.

I personally find it very impolite when I don't receive thank you from nephews, nieces, Godchildren etc for birthday/Christmas gifts and I admit that this is probably a 'generation' thing but these days it's easier than ever to send a quick text or email. I used to stand over my DS immediately after birthdays & Christmas and supervise him writing his thank you letters Grin. My own parents give very generous cash gifts to their DGC & are upset when they are not even acknowledged.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 10/10/2020 18:48

How long does it take to call/text/email and say thank you?

  • ideally call/zoom with dd so that she can say thank you herself.
RevolutionRadio · 10/10/2020 18:50

A text would have taken 2 minutes at most.

A phonecall could have been over in 10 minutes.

I think you could have found that much time in the last 6 days. Even if it was putting your daughter on the phone whilst in the car and there was nothing else to do in that space.

gamerchick · 10/10/2020 18:50

@namechangefail2020

It's really rude to not thank for a present and that's on the parents regardless of any pathetic back story, You're very wrong!!
Pathetic, really? Hmm such a knobish thing to say to someone who is going through the mill over a sodden thankyou... For a voucher no less. Talk about no effort gone in at all.

Give her the voucher back and tell her to spend it on something nice for herself. You've got enough on your plate without dealing with unsupportive in-laws.

Waveysnail · 10/10/2020 18:50

You both were rude. Takes couple minutes to ring mil and thank her. My own parents and mil would be exactly the same

picklemewalnuts · 10/10/2020 18:51

I'd usually say thank you next time I saw someone, or as suggested earlier when I'd shopped and spent the voucher.

I do think complaining noone has thanked you rather takes all joy out of the gift. I'd rather not receive under that circumstance.

burglarbettybaby · 10/10/2020 18:51

I would always ring mil if she sends something and usually within a hour of getting home and receiving it. Six days is a lot. But sorry for all you qre going through.

MushMonster · 10/10/2020 18:51

It would have taken you less than a minute to send a thank you text.

Etotheipiplus1equals0 · 10/10/2020 18:52

I once got the loveliest message with a gift after I had my dd- it said don’t worry about sending a thank you we know you will be busy. You don’t give gifts for the thank you but to bring someone else pleasure! Yes saying thank you is nice but to tell someone off for not doing it is rude in itself...