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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL asking for thanks

541 replies

Sookiestackhouse5 · 10/10/2020 18:41

It was dd’s birthday last week. She received a voucher from PIL.
6 days later my DH has a strained conversation on the phone with MIL where she points out that she hasn’t been thanked for the voucher. She started going on about her generation & so on, making it clear she thinks it’s rude to not yet have had a thank you.
Let me add some context here as well. It’s been a very difficult few months for us. Dd developed (out of the blue) a medical/ mental health issue that has taken some adjusting to, & has understandably caused some significant stress. She has gone from being completely normal to now being classed as special educational needs at school.
A month after that happened my DH was taken into hospital for urgent surgery to treat a progressive condition he has. He has recovered well & gone back to work but is unable to drive at present so I am chauffeuring him about, as well as the dcs and working myself. Plus I’m worrying about the progression of his condition which is happening faster than we anticipated.
We both work quite stressful jobs.
What I’m saying here is that we feel like we have a lot on our plate, & are juggling a lot a balls.

I’m annoyed that after only 6 days we are being told off for not giving thanks yet. It’s not that I’m not grateful, just with everything else going on we hadn’t gotten round to her spending the voucher & saying thank you.
AIBU to be so annoyed??

OP posts:
RevolutionRadio · 10/10/2020 18:52

I also think you should spend the voucher asap incase the shops get closed again, or if it's for one that could be in trouble.

Etotheipiplus1equals0 · 10/10/2020 18:53

And it’s not about the time taken to say thank you, it’s about juggling the mental load when you’ve got loads going on. It’s easy for something to get forgotten.

DotForShort · 10/10/2020 18:53

I do think YABU, I'm afraid. While you certainly have been facing quite a few challenges, and I genuinely hope things improve for your family, saying thank you for a gift is the polite and kind thing to do.

katy1213 · 10/10/2020 18:54

And how long did it take to come on here and complain? You seem to have found time to do that. Yes, you're rude.

luckylavender · 10/10/2020 18:55

I'm sorry you're having a terrible time OP, but that's really rude.

Justwingingmotherhood · 10/10/2020 18:57

Omg that is so rude! It takes 30 seconds to send a text. Sick of mil bashing on this site.

Justwingingmotherhood · 10/10/2020 18:57

@katy1213

And how long did it take to come on here and complain? You seem to have found time to do that. Yes, you're rude.
Good point
ancientgran · 10/10/2020 18:58

I always like it when I get a thank you after they have spent the money/voucher and they tell me what they spent it on. You sound like you are coping with so much that even if she would moan about it in normal times I think she should have cut you some slack.

I hope things improve with your husband and daughter.

PiggyPokkyFool · 10/10/2020 18:59

YABU and rude too. It would have taken 30 seconds for you, your DD or your DH to have thanked them.
Her generation and mine too - no wonder she was upset by it.
I am sorry you have had a lot with which to contend.Flowers

gamerchick · 10/10/2020 18:59

Wtf is wrong with people today? Hmm so much nastiness all over the place. There's no need.

RedskyAtnight · 10/10/2020 19:00

My DC always ring their GPs to say thank you for gifts as soon as they receive them (if they don't see GPs in person). I agree with others that this is just good manners. And is behaviour you should be modelling to your 6 year old so in a couple of years, she'll do it without being prompted. And it's not just about saying thanks - it's confirming to MiL that the voucher actually got there ok.

Chloemol · 10/10/2020 19:00

It takes Nano seconds for you or your dh to send thanks. And probably 10 minutes for your daughter to write a card you can send, out through the door

Stop using excuses for rudeness

Topseyt · 10/10/2020 19:00

I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now and I hope life improves soon for you.

In six days though I don't believe that you couldn't have spared a couple of minutes to phone or text MIL to say thanks for the voucher. Or made DD do it. Why wait until it was spent. Thank her for it, then at a later date tell her what was bought wiit.

Sorry, but I think you were still very rude despite all the problems.

ancientgran · 10/10/2020 19:00

I once got the loveliest message with a gift after I had my dd- it said don’t worry about sending a thank you we know you will be busy. You don’t give gifts for the thank you but to bring someone else pleasure! Yes saying thank you is nice but to tell someone off for not doing it is rude in itself Exactly and so many holier than thou perfect people without an ounce of compassion for a family going through such difficult times, as if covid wasn't enough.

LiveFromHome · 10/10/2020 19:00

YABU

It would have taken you or your DH or your DD less time to send a "thanks for the voucher Mum, we will let you know what she spends it on x" text, than it's taken you to type out your OP.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/10/2020 19:01

Teach your daughter proper manners. She should have thanked her.

Justkeeprollingalong · 10/10/2020 19:01

Dear Granny, thank you for the voucher, I will let you know what I spend it on. Love Mary xxx
15 seconds

user1464552773 · 10/10/2020 19:01

I have to go against the consensus here, YANBU in my opinion. Getting told off for not sending a "quick text" (which seems to be what other posters would do) less than a week after receiving the gift feels particularly joyless to me. We usually write a card and post it, but realistically this can take a while depending on what's going on and if there are enough stamps. It never occurred to me that someone could be brooding over any delay in the way that seems to have happened here.

Chonkyfire · 10/10/2020 19:01

Sorry OP but by the time you took to type out this post you could have sent a text thanking her. Just apologise and say it slipped your mind.

BeaverTail · 10/10/2020 19:01

YABU and rude too. It would have taken 30 seconds for you, your DD or your DH to have thanked them.
Well at least somebody finally suggested that maybe DH, not the OP, could have sent a thank you.

Feels like most posters have put it down as wife-work. Must be part of the generational thing.

CallmeAngelina · 10/10/2020 19:03

So in the last six days, roughly how many texts have you (or your daughter) sent to other people?
Come on, I think you have to suck this one up. Yes, you've had stuff on and it may have slipped your mind, but I don't think that's excuses it IF you have been texting others as normal.
Apologise and move on.

Laureline · 10/10/2020 19:03

I’m with the minority here, but I think she should have cut you some slack, instead of moaning at her son who is currently unwell.

Florencex · 10/10/2020 19:03

@gamerchick

The backstory was not pathetic, but to use it as an excuse to not display the most basic courtesy is pretty pathetic. And rude.

Original poster
Sookiestackhouse5 · 10/10/2020 19:05

Thank you for all your your honest replies, I’m taking them all on board.
It certainly isn’t a matter of not bothering, & I did think about on in the day but then didn’t get round to it, before I know it she’s on the phone. It’s not like I never planned to send a thanks or haven’t done in the past.
I don’t feel like 6 days is that long. Usually I would take a pic of anything a voucher has been spent on & send it to show the gift. But she hasn’t had chance to spend it yet...

OP posts:
Paddybox · 10/10/2020 19:05

It takes 30-60 seconds at most to text and say thank you so YABU and a bit rude. However I guess you might have one of those MILs that always find one more thing to complain about??