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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really angry that seeing my parents is illegal?

675 replies

Snailsetssail · 08/10/2020 21:26

My area is very likely to be locked down next week. I am so furious that it’s going to be against the law for me to see my parents, and my children to see their grandparents. We did lockdown properly last time, it was absolutely awful. My mental health plummeted and I don’t think I can do it again. I rely on support from family and friends.

Just feeling so incredibly angry about it all tonight. Poor people in Leicester have lived like this for 100 days so far with no end in site.

I’m so fed up and I know I’m going to be told to just get on it it. But I just need a space to vent.

OP posts:
FractionalGains · 08/10/2020 22:34

@Smallereveryday do you understand that you can infect someone who will die by following the rules? That the rules are not for individual protection but to keep the overall level of infections manageable?

WinifredSanderson · 08/10/2020 22:34

How easily the public have complied with their basic human right to see their family or other support unit being made illegal is frightening.

ImSleepingBeauty · 08/10/2020 22:36

As long as they keep the schools open I’ll forfeit everything else. Seeing family, eating out, leisure activities. All of it. Without hesitation.

ilovesooty · 08/10/2020 22:36

@Snailsetssail

What really annoys me is that the figures for my area are so high because of an outbreak in a prison! They are hardly a risk to the general community when locked up!
People work in prisons and go home to their families.
amusedtodeath1 · 08/10/2020 22:40

I'm sorry but it's not lockdown that has created economic downturn, it's the virus, but you can't blame a virus so we blame decisions taken by the Govt to try and mitigate it. If they had done nothing chances are most of our elderly relatives would already have succumbed to Covid, hospitals would be over run and the economy would still be fucked.

This is a no win situation. There is no magical solution that would have allowed everything to carry on as it used to be. It's shit and I don't agree with a lot of what the Govt has done, but I know that the thing that EVERYONE wants, for life to be normal again, it not something that can be achieved right now, no matter what we do.

Pixxie7 · 08/10/2020 22:40

The trouble is because people are ignoring the guidelines, we don’t know if it’s working or not. Surely the health and well-being of you family should be the priority.

PennyDreadfuI · 08/10/2020 22:44

YANBU.

I'm in a local lockdown area and we're expecting restrictions to be tightened further on Monday. One of the new restrictions seems to be no meeting with anyone not in your household anywhere, indoors or outdoors, for any reason. So, no support bubbles will be permitted.

If this goes ahead, I can't see many people adhering to it. Leaving vulnerable people on their own over winter, at Christmas, possibly for months, is just a step too far. It's sheer cruelty. And yes, I know that covid is cruel too, but so is isolation.

Devaki · 08/10/2020 22:45

Do what you want to do - if you feel the risk is low than do what you want to do. However do not complain when said relatives test positive.
I haven’t seen my mum since March - I work in healthcare and she has recently had chemotherapy. You do what you have to in order to protect people.

Inkpaperstars · 08/10/2020 22:45

I'm familiar with Newark, and yes, I am a bit surprised that the latest rumours indicate the restrictions will be county wide.

What does bug me is, with cases so high....what are they waiting for? People will be going out on the town in Nottingham this weekend while the council are begging the govt to help them prevent that. Cases may have doubled by next Wednesday when the restrictions are expected to start.....and that will mean measures in place for longer. Nottingham has the highest rate of positive tests in the country now, yet nothing has been done yet. Surely watching out for local outbreaks means doing something before an area reaches top of the list, not a week later?

If they had acted earlier, the county might never have been involved.

On top of the poor timing, I don't have much faith at all that the restrictions they choose will be the right or most effective ones.

I hope if you do end up under new restrictions it won't be for long OP Flowers. It's very frustrating, I do sympathise.

2pinkginsplease · 08/10/2020 22:48

I can understand why you feel angry. Like you we stuck to the original lockdown, no visiting people, we did food shopping once a week, I would drop my mums shopping at her door, we didn’t meet people or mix with anyone else. It was tough.

This time I will still be seeing my mum, she had a stroke during the summer, she is recovering well at home however she is a bit frailer than she was , in her 70’s and lives alone with no one else to look out for her. So I am not stopping seeing her!

If people had stuck to the original lockdown this terrible virus would have been kept to a minimum, the same idiots who didn’t stick to the original lockdown and the sameness ones spoiling it for everyone else by flouting the rules and it’s the vulnerable people who suffer!

WouldBeGood · 08/10/2020 22:48

YANBU. Just see them. It’s inhumane

Youngatheart00 · 08/10/2020 22:49

Because people aren’t following the guidelines we’ll be stuck in varying versions of lockdown for much longer than we need to. Just suck it up. Use the telephone. Zoom. There’s a sodding global pandemic. It’s not idea for anyone.

SheepandCow · 08/10/2020 22:50

Oh how awful of the nasty government to try to ensure lots of people are able to see their parents or vulnerable child alive - rather than in a grave. How dare they try to save people's lives and contain a contagious virus.

Nasty mean government trying to save the long-term economy, lives, and prevent thousands of working age people becoming disabled with Long Covid.

Dreadful meanies!

WFHWF · 08/10/2020 22:50

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Wowthisisreal · 08/10/2020 22:50

The the vast vast majority of people this is a virus with minimal to no symptoms with an extremely high survival rate.

Obviously I want to protect my vulnerable family members and when I see them I keep my distance, as much as it hurts them. I spend hours worrying what will happen to me or my family it we catch this.

But I have to be realistic. And look at the facts.
On the face of it, months and months of isolation, losses of livelihood, delays of treatment to help cure more fatal illnesses is unconscionable for a virus which will leave MOST people a with a pretty rubbish illness that will last for a week or so.

MrsMcMuffins · 08/10/2020 22:50

I wouldn’t want my school aged children to mix with elderly grand parents right now. My parents live abroad and we haven’t seen them for nearly a year and miss them terribly, but it is what it is and we just have to adjust to the current situation. The rules are in place to stop the virus from getting out of hand.

SheepandCow · 08/10/2020 22:52

@WouldBeGood

YANBU. Just see them. It’s inhumane
Some might say it's inhumane to not try to protect the vulnerable - including children.

Also rather inhumane to add unnecessary additional stress to already overwhelmed traumatised doctors and nurses and other health and social care staff. Rather ungrateful too.

Bowerbird5 · 08/10/2020 22:55

And not just your family OP but others too.

I haven’t seen my daughter and partner for nearly a year and she can’t see them being home for Christmas. They went travelling and went to NZ who were lockdown fast and hard but they can’t get out. We are glad they are safe but we miss them however it is more important that they are safe.
I understand that it does seem unfair to your children but like a wise friend once said to me you can always find someone worse off. My friends FaceTimes their grandchildren every day to keep in contact it helps both families.

Feelingconfused2020 · 08/10/2020 22:56

@sadiepurple my mum is single and so therefore is in our support bubble. If she had a partner she would have his support. if I was single I would be in someone else's support bubble.

NO it's not ok to be completely on your own but legislating to protect your parents from a deadly disease is hardly big brother!

Youngatheart00 · 08/10/2020 22:57

This thread is exactly why the police are going to have to start enforcing much more strongly than they have to date. Half the people sensible. The other half “oh it won’t matter if I see me nan” 🙄

ChloeCrocodile · 08/10/2020 22:58

My 89 year old gran has deteriorated rapidly since march. Living a half life, lonely and miserable.

My 89 year old grandad wanted us to keep visiting, regardless of COVID. Having lost two children and his wife, he’d rather take his chances and have his remaining family around him in the last months (hopefully years) of his life. My family are complying with his request by visiting him, but taking sensible precautions (keeping a distance, handwashing / sanitising on arrival, complying with isolation guidance).

As long as they keep the schools open I’ll forfeit everything else.

From what I can see, the current situation in schools means we’re likely to be forfeiting the lives of some vulnerable staff, children and parents. If you can truly judge a society on how we treat the most vulnerable, schools are demonstrating that our society is frankly a bit shit.

JeanClaudeVanDammit · 08/10/2020 23:01

The other half “oh it won’t matter if I see me nan” 🙄

Literally no one has said that. A number of people have said they’ll take the decision to keep seeing their relatives because of concern for their physical and mental health and well-being. There is more to health than just “not covid”.

BogRollBOGOF · 08/10/2020 23:01

I saw DM (82) yesterday for the second time since February. She was ill in hospital then and developed a nasty, persistant chest infection... then a DVT scare... took about 3-4 months to feel right again.

Ironically when I cancelled seeing her in early March due to not wanting to spread my cold, I think the favour inadvertantly worked the other way round...

Two of her friends have died from cancer in as many months. She and her friends have sat obligingly at home for months and now say it's time to crack on with life. They don't know how many months or years they have of life and they are done on wasting the time that they have right now.

The lockdown rules don't even make much sense. It's not practical going off for walks with someone riddled with arthritis. We can sit around the same table in a cafe within 1m, but I'm not supposed to be in her house where I can sit over 2m away...
I respect rules that make sense. I see the sense in generally maintaining distance and avoiding large groups, especially indoors. But I have already spent long enough lonely and understimulated. I find winter hard in normal years. Human contact is essential for wellbeing, not a luxury. Even prisoners are only left in solitary situations in extreme circumstances.

I learned nearly 30 years ago at 11 that life is finite and has no guarentees when my dad went out to work and never came home after dying of a heart attack in the street. DM has had nearly 30 years more of life and deserves to properly live whatever she has left and she would rather go out at the end of life than have a long-fading existance for the sake of it.

Meanwhile MiL is older and more frail. Due to logistics of travel and accomodation, we won't be seeing her for the forseeable. It's already nearly a year as we would normally go at half term. However long it is before it's "safe", there are no guarentees that some failing organ won't get her first. There are no guarentees that the DCs will see granny again, Covid or not. Waiting until it is "safe" is as much of a gamble as seeing them.

AyeRobot · 08/10/2020 23:01

All of those railing against the guidelines (and law), why don't you just crack on? Why the big drama?

Who will you rail against if your loved ones get sick, though?

stovetopespresso · 08/10/2020 23:02

NHS getting overwhelmed by all the vulnerable people being infected, does anyone want this? with all the risk to frontline staff too... I know its awful on an individual basis though. its the virus being shit not big brother