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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be really angry that seeing my parents is illegal?

675 replies

Snailsetssail · 08/10/2020 21:26

My area is very likely to be locked down next week. I am so furious that it’s going to be against the law for me to see my parents, and my children to see their grandparents. We did lockdown properly last time, it was absolutely awful. My mental health plummeted and I don’t think I can do it again. I rely on support from family and friends.

Just feeling so incredibly angry about it all tonight. Poor people in Leicester have lived like this for 100 days so far with no end in site.

I’m so fed up and I know I’m going to be told to just get on it it. But I just need a space to vent.

OP posts:
Carycy · 11/10/2020 13:01

Lovely acat. So are you suggesting nobody goes out at all any the hospitality industry falls on its arse. And people are put out of jobs and the country goes into debt so you can see your parents sooner?

Standingstone77 · 11/10/2020 13:03

Freshfreesias- that is both not true and incredibly unhelpful. The hospitals are packed, and people are dying of it. Come to work with me and I’ll show you.

Codexdivinchi · 11/10/2020 13:08

@Standingstone77

Freshfreesias- that is both not true and incredibly unhelpful. The hospitals are packed, and people are dying of it. Come to work with me and I’ll show you.
The hospitals are not packed at all. I was in a NW one yesterday and it was like a ghost town.
Ecosse · 11/10/2020 13:10

This is scaremongering nonsense @Standingstone77. The hospitals are not ‘packed’ at all.

Of course there are pressures in a small number- this is no different to any other winter.

We should be getting the Nightingales open if necessary.

Letsgetgoing123 · 11/10/2020 13:13

@FreshFreesias

Just ignore it and if ignore the media hysteria. The hospitals are empty and hardly anyone is dying of this thing. Loneliness and isolation will kill far more.
@FreshFreesias

Do you really believe the hospitals are empty and hardly anyone is dying of it?

Where did you get this information from? It’s certainly not the case in our area (nw).

Codexdivinchi · 11/10/2020 13:14

@Belladonna12

Yes, flu can already cause the NHS to be overwhelmed. Covid deaths on top will make things much much worse as the death rate is even higher. Only about 7% of the population were infected with covid in the first wave and it still killed about 50,000. If 70% of the population were infected at once that means it could kill 500,000. If the NHS is overwhelmed people will die of other disease too.
No we’re still at 42,000 deaths since the beginning of March. There is also a lot of doubt over ‘Covid deaths’ as we know the way it was documented for about five months was a complete shit show.

Dying of terminal cancer ect should never have been documented as a Covid death. Many reports of families challenging death certificates because they were untrue of the nature of the death.

Standingstone77 · 11/10/2020 13:20

The hospital I work in is packed- no beds. No itu beds. Obviously not all covid, but full nevertheless.

Codexdivinchi · 11/10/2020 13:21

Which hospital is that?

acatcalledjohn · 11/10/2020 13:22

@Carycy

Lovely acat. So are you suggesting nobody goes out at all any the hospitality industry falls on its arse. And people are put out of jobs and the country goes into debt so you can see your parents sooner?

No. But they should only go out as allowed based on the number of cases, and follow the rules.

The longer this carries on the more hospitality will suffer. And at this rate this will drag on for at least another 6 months because people don't fucking follow the rules. That is 6 months of curfews, restricted numbers, temporary closures, which is simply dragging out the inevitable demise.

In the meantime we see a picture of an elderly gentleman only able to see his very frail wife through the window of her nursing home, and we think it's heartwarming that he visits every day.

It's not. It's heart wrenching.

I will cope not seeing my parents for a while longer because I fucking now it's not about me, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating when I see people choosing the ignore the rules.

I also don't go to restaurants because it's too risky; we've been twice since lockdown and only for special occasions, one of which was a very bad experience. I went to a coffee shop yesterday and felt horribly uncomfortable. Yet no one around me seems to share that.

Yet everyone is blaming the government. Now they have been utterly shite, but it's not like people doing any better.

Letsgetgoing123 · 11/10/2020 13:25

@Ecosse

This is scaremongering nonsense *@Standingstone77*. The hospitals are not ‘packed’ at all.

Of course there are pressures in a small number- this is no different to any other winter.

We should be getting the Nightingales open if necessary.

@Ecosse

So you know better that an a&e doctor?

Wow do you think it’s all a big conspiracy? I’m sure the government really just want to close the pubs and lock us down just for fun and to wreck the economy even further.

It sounds to me like it’s your way of coping and to justify carrying on doing what you like.

Also, you do realise that to open the nightingale hospitals they need to take staff from the nhs don’t you?

Devlesko · 11/10/2020 13:28

I'm NW too, can verify from friends, family and associates working in the hospitals, that they are empty.
Stop believing everything you read.

HugeAckmansWife · 11/10/2020 13:47

acatcalledjohn - I've been in restaurants and cafes and bars and have felt perfectly happy. Everywhere is clean, well spaced, masked waiters etc. I am going to assume based on that that they are following good hygiene practice out the back too. You express dismay that not everyone is a cowering wreck - I express dismay that so many are. That my MIL, who other than being 70 is very fit and well, has literally not left her house and garden since Feb and won't til there is a vaccine. 5 mins on here and you can discover dozens of people with serious health anxiety, livelihoods lost etc All sense of balance seems to have gone out of the window.

dontdisturbmenow · 11/10/2020 13:50

Of course there are pressures in a small number- this is no different to any other winter
Oh the people who comment and know nothing about what they're talking about!

The NHSwas under huge stress before Covid happen, people were already moaning about delays for treatment, not bring about to see their go etc...the NHSwas suffering if the worse staffing crisis ever.

The flu doesn't kill healthcare workers like Covid has in just a few months. Doctors and nurses have left the nhs because of the pressure Covid has brought on on an already overwhelmed service.

And yet we have people crying how horrible their lives are because they cannot see mummy and daddy. How dependent can you be on your parents or in your adult children to feel so overwhelmed by not beinf about to see them face to face! Surely that can't be real!

Too many people living in a complete self absorbed bubble who lack any firm of resilience. The ones who will most likely be the first to moan when the nhs is totally run down because they can't get their minor surgery for 12 months.

Ineke · 11/10/2020 13:50

Because I wouldn't know if I had the virus or not I wouldn't want to risk meeting members of my family unless I knew I didn't have it, either with a test or really self isolating for 14 days. This is a very cruel virus, you can give it to someone while you yourself have no symptoms. Only you know what risks you have taken and how safe you are to meet your parents/grandparents. You need to assume that you may have it, if you may have it, would you visit them? No, ofcourse not. The only way to know for sure is to get tested, self isolate while waiting the results, and then visit them ASAP before you could pick up the virus another day. A test is only as good as the day it is taken. It's very hard but put your elderly relatives first, it's a horrible way to die.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 11/10/2020 13:53

@dontdisturbmenow FFS try having some empathy. I don’t have much family left, my parents are dead and I’m very close to an aunt and uncle. They are elderly and if I wait until there’s a vaccine there’s a chance I may never see them again. That’s why I’m fucking overwhelmed at the thought of not seeing them face to face.

Malteserdiet · 11/10/2020 13:55

I was deliberating that issue this morning @Ecosse

Why are we all turning on each other and not absolutely furious at the government? It’s because they have engineered it that way and when you think about it, how fucking dare they!

So back at the start of the year, we all learned of this new virus coming over from China. We were shown images and stories to shock and terrify us from China and Italy. We were told that if the virus was left unchecked our health services would be similarly overrun and we would see thousands or hundreds of thousands of both Covid and non Covid deaths. The vast majority of us were asked to completely pause every aspect of our lives to flatten the curve and do our best to save the NHS from being overloaded. This was to save lives where possible and also to buy time for the government to prepare for the vast numbers of unwell citizens expected.

The plan worked - yay! The hospitals weren’t overrun, a massive majority of the British public were behind the plan and all played their part. We celebrated those still working and everyone downloaded zoom. Nightingale hospitals were prepared and other healthcare staff and even aircrew were retrained to manage the extra numbers. Shortages in PPE were eventually resolved and community cases vastly reduced.
However, there were still words of caution, constant speculation about opening too soon and a second winter wave.

To date the government have now had over 7 months to keep the overflow preparations on the back burner ready for this winter and the possible second wave which now seems to be in flow. We should have more bed space, with adequate amounts of retrained staff (still out of work in industries like tourism and the arts) and enough PPE and medical equipment. But no, instead we are being told that this wave is hitting and is causing the same problems as before for the NHS and restrictions and infringements on our daily lives are being reintroduced.

Best of all however, we are being told that this is our fault!! That meeting up with your sister last week has meant your whole area is now going into local lockdown. But why are we accepting this and going along with it? It’s seriously time to push back and ask them what they have been doing with all the reserves they should have been building for the whole of the summer. Why aren’t we ready for the second wave? We should not just be accepting this situation and being driven into further depression and economic disaster and following their horrible advice to snitch on your neighbour for breaking the rule of 6. This is now the government’s fault and fighting with each other over social media and in the street just plays into the distraction plan.

LoveEatYoga · 11/10/2020 13:56

I think YANBU to feel upset and frustrated but YABU to feel "really angry". I know people who have lost friends and relatives to covid and while it is an inconvenience not to see your parents (which I am experiencing as well plus both my parents birthdays were during lockdown and we have not been able to celebrate) it might help you to realise that most of us are suffering some kind of inconvenience (or worse) due to covid.

Ineke · 11/10/2020 14:06

Sorry but people who take it upon themselves to interpret the rules to suit their situation are selfish individuals who are contributing to the spread of this virus. Yes, I know it's very hard, but as someone has said, short term loss for long term gain. Please think of the bigger picture.

CrappleUmble · 11/10/2020 14:10

@Ineke

Sorry but people who take it upon themselves to interpret the rules to suit their situation are selfish individuals who are contributing to the spread of this virus. Yes, I know it's very hard, but as someone has said, short term loss for long term gain. Please think of the bigger picture.
Please think full stop. You need to get past the idea that because there's a regulation preventing something, that means doing the thing will contribute to the spread of the virus.
HugeAckmansWife · 11/10/2020 14:16

I can't keep my kids away from my parents. I'm a working single parent. A teacher. Sometimes I'm meant to be in 3 places at once and I can't be so my parents help. My (ex) in laws have the 'luxury' of choosing not to see their GC and 'stay safe'. My parents feel they need to strike a balance. I absolutely agree that we should not be blindly following 'rules' or worse, laws, that simply do not make sense, do not work and only lead to division, confusion and anxiety.

dontdisturbmenow · 11/10/2020 14:27

FFS try having some empathy. I don’t have much family left, my parents are dead and I’m very close to an aunt and uncle
Empathy when my situation is likely much worse for than OP? I don't have much family left at all and I haven't seen any of them since last February for one and 14 months for the other. I miss them a lot, I worry about them, I feel helpless being so far away.

Do I feel sorry for myself no not all. I feel very fortunate that we are all Covid free so far and haven't experienced the devastating affect its cause to some. A friend's mum was the second one to die in our hospital. She was a very very 70 years old. She caught it from her daughter 2ho caught it from her husband who caught it whilst away on holiday last March.

She would give anything to have stayed away from her mum and still have her now, even if it meant talking to her on Zoom.

AldiAisleofCrap · 11/10/2020 14:59

@WinifredSanderson Between January and August 2020, 48,168 died from Covid-19. Do you know how many people died from flu in the sane time period? It was 394.

AldiAisleofCrap · 11/10/2020 14:59

*same

Happyheartlovelife · 11/10/2020 15:24

[quote WinifredSanderson]@Letsgetgoing123 I already told you what I suggest as an alternative. People die of many things every year. Some preventable, some not. Unless you are going to lockdown everyone and make everyone's life as important as the next persons, then all those who aren't vulnerable or elderly should have been carrying on with their lives. Even shielding wasn't mandatory nor should it be. Let people be responsible for themselves.

I lost my dad to seasonal flu 4 years ago. He clearly caught that at work from someone who'd had it passed to them from someone else etc etc until it reached my dad who had copd. And he died. He had the flu jab every year, but it doesn't protect against every single strain.

But have we ever locked down for seasonal flu even though it kills hundreds of thousands of people of ALL ages ever year worldwide?? No. Have we insisted those who have flu symptoms need to isolate for 14 days?? No. Have we told people they must not visit family? No. Because there would be public outcry. Everyone carries on going to work or school or the pub and spreads it around and only now when people have had the wits scared out of them by the government, only now when people are told to take responsibility for infecting others, only now do people care. Because they've been frightened by instant death of their loved ones and threatened with ridiculous fines simply for being the social animals that they are.

And before anyone tells me covid isn't flu, I KNOW. I'm using it as an example of a virus that kills thousands each year in the uk alone.

I have two relatives who have had their cancer treatment stopped. They are more terrified of dying from that than of covid.

My 95yo neighbour has had visitors throughout lockdown. She flatly refused to be mollycoddled by the government and have her rights to live a sociable life with her family removed. She told me she'd lived through the war and polio and smallpox and so many other things, and the country never ground to a halt to protect the vulnerable then so why should it now? Last Monday are tested positive for covid. She was admitted to hospital on Wednesday and was discharged last night. I called her to ask how she was, did she need anything. She laughed and said 'I've had worse colds..'

Lockdown will NEVER eradicate the virus.

And while the lives of people like my DD mean nothing as long as the majority can hunker down and stay safe, then we most certainly aren't all in this together. [/quote]
There is a vaccine against flu

The isolation period of flu is different. Hence why they don't tell you to isolate. However most people with flu feel so god damn awful. They tend to not go places

Flu is also transmitted slightly different.

Flu tends to pick on more vulnerable. Older people. Kills more vulnerable. Older people. Covid kill the young and healthy.

I've never understood this flu and Covid correlation. We have a vaccine for flu. The flu also mutates so that each year the vaccine doesn't quite cover the mutations.

It's like saying a cold and cancer are the same!

vlnr77yac · 11/10/2020 15:38

All these people talking about the restaurants dying, if you care so much about the community stay at home AND order in take-away. Double/triple the tip to show your support. That's how communities keep each other safe. You don't need the government to tell you this.

Nearly fell of my chair laughing at the dark threats of "legal action" on here. So lets get this right... UK worse Covid deaths except US because PM was flirting with letting everyone just catch it. He nearly dies of it, now govt trying to do its job, and you're going to sue them to stop?!

Priceless.... for another laugh will you be doing it through the EU courts?? Now I know there are russian bots on here. Good luck!! Gin