Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be really angry that seeing my parents is illegal?

675 replies

Snailsetssail · 08/10/2020 21:26

My area is very likely to be locked down next week. I am so furious that it’s going to be against the law for me to see my parents, and my children to see their grandparents. We did lockdown properly last time, it was absolutely awful. My mental health plummeted and I don’t think I can do it again. I rely on support from family and friends.

Just feeling so incredibly angry about it all tonight. Poor people in Leicester have lived like this for 100 days so far with no end in site.

I’m so fed up and I know I’m going to be told to just get on it it. But I just need a space to vent.

OP posts:
Carycy · 10/10/2020 18:25

I know flax but people keep saying if we don’t keep to the restrictions we will be In this for longer which isn’t really true.

We should have loosened of restrictions a lot sooner, when there was hardly anything in the community, and then buckled up again for winter. But many people have been stuck in an endless lockdown with no end in sight and they are sick of it.

outofthemoon · 10/10/2020 18:30

77yak

Your mother is fortunate to have the security of a house and garden.

vlnr77yac · 10/10/2020 18:39

@outofthemoon

77yak

Your mother is fortunate to have the security of a house and garden.

Yes... Thanks...and she worked very hard for it right into her mid 70's.

But this isn't a debate about property / ownership.

And we still have to lockdown because the opposite is what we're doing now which isn't flattening the curve... or herd - which seems to be what some people seem to be wishing for.

WokesFromHome · 10/10/2020 18:53

I know 2 people who work in A&E in different areas on the rise. They told me that cases are rising but it's nothing like the first wave and they have much better ways of dealing with it. People are catching it again to a lesser degree. Why now bring in draconian measures? We needed them 6 months ago

Letsgetgoing123 · 10/10/2020 19:03

@vlnr77yac

My widowed mum hasn't left the house since March - not once. She stays in her house and does her gardening and she hasn't complained ONCE.. But then again she's a war baby so she understands rules and sacrifice.

Exactly - how long do the restrictions go on for? And how frequently?
How does the constant cycle ever break?
.

For as long as it takes luv. Make no mistake here... we are not in control the virus is & this virus LOVES hubris and arrogance.

Is worth remembering Covid 19 hasn't even had to mutate yet. Why? because its killing enough people just fine as is it. That's how badly we're all handling this.

My dm, same situation as yours and apart from walking her dog, not done anything else apart from house and garden jobs.

No complaints, no “poor me”, just quietly adapted to new life and making best of it. Has learnt new skills of zoom and online deliveries.

PIL exactly the same.

We can learn a lot from their resilience, and are trying to teach the same to our dcs.

WinifredSanderson · 10/10/2020 19:06

@Letsgetgoing123 my point stands. My DD is pregnant and whilst everyone banged on about staying home and staying safe and complained about having to pop to Tesco because they couldn't get a home delivery, she worked flat out and is still doing so. Until lockdown protects EVERYONE instead of throwing workers like my DD under the bus as collateral damage, then I will never support it.

Letsgetgoing123 · 10/10/2020 19:25

[quote WinifredSanderson]@Letsgetgoing123 my point stands. My DD is pregnant and whilst everyone banged on about staying home and staying safe and complained about having to pop to Tesco because they couldn't get a home delivery, she worked flat out and is still doing so. Until lockdown protects EVERYONE instead of throwing workers like my DD under the bus as collateral damage, then I will never support it. [/quote]
@WinifredSanderson

We (nhs) sent our pregnant staff to work at home in first lockdown. They’ve come back now but not patient facing. Same as other vulnerable staff. Can only speak for our department though.

I’m not sure what you mean by lockdown protecting everyone or how that could happen? If everyone stayed at home wouldn’t society grind to a halt?

MollyMinniesMum · 10/10/2020 19:25

I haven’t seen my friends ofpr family for a year, it sucks

Ihatefish · 10/10/2020 19:33

You’re allowed to be angry, I’ve managed to see my dad 3 times since February during which time his dementia has really taken hold. Phone calls last 3 min max as he’s pretty much non verbal now, I’ve lost the last months of having my dad.

You can’t let anger take a long term hold though you have to move on. Life is often shit, but one day it will be better again. Take this time to look at ways at making yourself more self reliant, build up your own self esteem. lol inward and befriend yourself, learn to self generate energy rather than relying on others. Try and transmute the negative into positive.

WinifredSanderson · 10/10/2020 19:49

@Letsgetgoing123 so it's ok to only protect those who can wfh is it? And the rest can go to hell? Sorry but clearly the 'we're all in this together' motto was utter bollocks.

FractionalGains · 10/10/2020 20:00

@Gwenhwyfar

I genuinely don't understand why a grown adult can't go without seeing their parents for a few weeks or months. Genuinely.
I genuinely don’t understand how people can be so cold and devoid of empathy. Genuinely.
vlnr77yac · 10/10/2020 20:10

[quote WinifredSanderson]@Letsgetgoing123 so it's ok to only protect those who can wfh is it? And the rest can go to hell? Sorry but clearly the 'we're all in this together' motto was utter bollocks. [/quote]
The point is that the vast majority of us who can MUST do lockdown and socially distance so that those who cannot (essential workers etc) get the benefit of the flattened curve... and they (essential workers etc) don't get slammed again in the hospitals, etc.

Standingstone77 · 10/10/2020 20:20

Honestly completely understand how you feel, but this is not some dystopic government control conspiracy. I am an A+E doctor. I spent 12 hours in full ppe treating sick covid patients yesterday. Half of the ones I saw died. Nothing anyone can do. Had to tell a 42 year old’s family he was going to die. THAT’s why you can’t see your parents.

WinifredSanderson · 10/10/2020 20:22

@vlnr77yac I understand what lockdown is supposed to do and I say it's bullshit. My DD had Covid in June, picked up at work despite all precautions possible. So while you all preach about lockdown and what it's supposed to do, I say it doesn't work, all it does is delay the inevitable flare up when restrictions are eased. We've thrown our essential workers to the lions and the majority of you seem ok with that.

Snailsetssail · 10/10/2020 20:34

@Standingstone77 whilst I appreciate that is truly awful, my parents have more chance of catching COVID from their own workplaces than they do from me.

OP posts:
Letsgetgoing123 · 10/10/2020 20:45

[quote WinifredSanderson]@vlnr77yac I understand what lockdown is supposed to do and I say it's bullshit. My DD had Covid in June, picked up at work despite all precautions possible. So while you all preach about lockdown and what it's supposed to do, I say it doesn't work, all it does is delay the inevitable flare up when restrictions are eased. We've thrown our essential workers to the lions and the majority of you seem ok with that. [/quote]
@WinifredSanderson

Obviously you are entitled to your opinion and I can understand your worry for your dd, but what would you suggest as an alternative?

FelicisNox · 10/10/2020 20:47

YANBU but you're in lockdown because others are not following the rules.

What does everyone actually want? A world without covid or not? Pick a side.

FreshFreesias · 10/10/2020 20:48

Just ignore it and if ignore the media hysteria.
The hospitals are empty and hardly anyone is dying of this thing.
Loneliness and isolation will kill far more.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 10/10/2020 20:50

@FelicisNox

YANBU but you're in lockdown because others are not following the rules.

What does everyone actually want? A world without covid or not? Pick a side.

Of course everyone would prefer a world without covid but that's not likely to happen so therefore we have to work out how to live with it.
FractionalGains · 10/10/2020 20:53

@FelicisNox

YANBU but you're in lockdown because others are not following the rules.

What does everyone actually want? A world without covid or not? Pick a side.

Not that simple. Lockdown won’t get rid of covid.

In lockdown I am stuck at home with post natal depression and no way to access practical support, and still massively at risk of catching covid because my front line doctor husband might bring it home.

Pinkfluff76 · 10/10/2020 20:54

Agree @Lostinacloud
I find it shocking that we live in a so called democracy and yet most people just accept these crazy un democratic laws.

pomdownunder1 · 10/10/2020 20:56

It's frustrating but could be worse. In Melbourne we've been in hard stage 4 lockdown conditions since beginning of August. We haven't been allowed out of our 5km radius, never mind to see friends or family and we've also had a 9pm curfew for the majority of that. The difference here is they fine everyone caught doing the wrong thing. Everything is closed down and many people are not working. I hope it manages to turn around in the UK but it's a good idea to find some good strategies that work for you.

Pinkfluff76 · 10/10/2020 20:56

Sorry OP I feel so sad for you. Agree it’s crazy to be told you can’t see your own family. Sending 💗

WinifredSanderson · 10/10/2020 21:22

@Letsgetgoing123 I already told you what I suggest as an alternative. People die of many things every year. Some preventable, some not. Unless you are going to lockdown everyone and make everyone's life as important as the next persons, then all those who aren't vulnerable or elderly should have been carrying on with their lives. Even shielding wasn't mandatory nor should it be. Let people be responsible for themselves.

I lost my dad to seasonal flu 4 years ago. He clearly caught that at work from someone who'd had it passed to them from someone else etc etc until it reached my dad who had copd. And he died. He had the flu jab every year, but it doesn't protect against every single strain.

But have we ever locked down for seasonal flu even though it kills hundreds of thousands of people of ALL ages ever year worldwide?? No. Have we insisted those who have flu symptoms need to isolate for 14 days?? No. Have we told people they must not visit family? No. Because there would be public outcry. Everyone carries on going to work or school or the pub and spreads it around and only now when people have had the wits scared out of them by the government, only now when people are told to take responsibility for infecting others, only now do people care. Because they've been frightened by instant death of their loved ones and threatened with ridiculous fines simply for being the social animals that they are.

And before anyone tells me covid isn't flu, I KNOW. I'm using it as an example of a virus that kills thousands each year in the uk alone.

I have two relatives who have had their cancer treatment stopped. They are more terrified of dying from that than of covid.

My 95yo neighbour has had visitors throughout lockdown. She flatly refused to be mollycoddled by the government and have her rights to live a sociable life with her family removed. She told me she'd lived through the war and polio and smallpox and so many other things, and the country never ground to a halt to protect the vulnerable then so why should it now? Last Monday are tested positive for covid. She was admitted to hospital on Wednesday and was discharged last night. I called her to ask how she was, did she need anything. She laughed and said 'I've had worse colds..'

Lockdown will NEVER eradicate the virus.

And while the lives of people like my DD mean nothing as long as the majority can hunker down and stay safe, then we most certainly aren't all in this together.

Belladonna12 · 10/10/2020 22:06

I have two relatives who have had their cancer treatment stopped. They are more terrified of dying from that than of covid.

Yes, but if Covid cases massively increase the chances of being treated for other illnesses will be even less likely. My hospital treatment has been delayed due to Covid. I was close the top of the waiting list but now thanks to the increase in cases I expect that I will have to wait for a few more months. Lockdown will increase the chances of being treated for other conditions as there will be fewer Covid cases.

Lockdown might not eradicate the virus that could considerably reduce it and give people with other diseases the chance to be treated. It will also reduce deaths and hopefully we will eventually have a vaccine. There obviously has to be a compromise for economic reasons but the argument that no lockdown would help people with non-Covid conditions is nonsensical.

Swipe left for the next trending thread