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Another child told my DD she should go on a diet. How should I handle with school or parent?

331 replies

thepeopleversuswork · 08/10/2020 15:58

For background DD (9) is slightly overweight. Lockdown and the fact that I work insane hours hasn't helped but there's no dodging the fact that she should probably lose a bit of weight.

She came home yesterday saying another child in her class not a close friend but one of her peer group had said "when you're older you should probably go on a diet".

I'm privately really upset and raging that this child has presumed to do this. I told DD calmly that diets weren't a good idea and that it wasn't a great idea for children to be handing out this sort of advice and that she should disregard it but that we would work together to do some more exercise and try to eat more healthily. But I do want to tackle it either with the parent or the school.

DD has asked me not to contact the girl's mum and talk to her, which was my initial instinct. What I would like to do is to contact the teacher and suggest that she might want to talk to the whole class without singling this child out about the danger of diets and pressure on children to lose weight, in a way which is framed in the context of lockdowns etc and emphasizing exercise and healthy eating, but making clear that its not cool for kids to fat-shame other kids and maybe touching on the pressures that children are subjected to aesthetically.

I'm wary of appearing to be seen as a busybody, lecturing teachers about how to handle this when they are clearly dealing with a huge amount of more urgent priorities. And I don't want to be a diva about it.

But I also think it needs to be tackled. What would be the most constructive thing to do?

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 10/10/2020 19:00

I bet if a boy in her class had commented rather than another girl, the response would be very different

Most people would say the sams.

Some people would be falling over themselves to argue that it isn't a 9 year old lacking tact and saying something that might be upsetting because actually the 9 year old boy must have a serious case of misogyny and anyone who says otherwise has obviously internalised misogyny and they're promoting damaging diets on children / fat shaming / insert other ridiculous hyperbole here.

ZezetteEpouseX · 10/10/2020 19:13

@formerbabe

you are not expecting people to pretend they can't see it, can you?

Yes of course. Surely you don't go round telling fat people they're fat and need to diet?

I am not 9.

A child has told mine they needed a haircut. Shall I scream against the patriarchy and contact the school about the unacceptable bullying too?

When did we start to accept this ridiculous non-sense that being over-weight was not to be mentioned ever again, and we should happily live turning a blind eye to the elephant in the room.

Not so long ago, a character from friends could make jokes about wearing a fat suit. It was funny - not fat shaming, not bullying, and if you didn't find it funny you just ...didn't watch and didn't laugh.

Goldenbear · 10/10/2020 22:01

I disagree, Friends was never funny in fact it signified for me that the night out had been shit as I had come home early enough to watch this dire sitcom with someone wearing a fat suit in it!

jessstan1 · 10/10/2020 22:24

@FooFighter99

Do nothing except support your daughter. teach her to say nice things to people. help her to lose a bit of weight if she needs to.

end of

That.
Marisishidinginmyattic · 10/10/2020 22:56

Not so long ago, a character from friends could make jokes about wearing a fat suit. It was funny - not fat shaming, not bullying, and if you didn't find it funny you just ...didn't watch and didn't laugh.

I doubt it was funny to the people it was making fun of ie fat people.

Emeraldshamrock · 10/10/2020 23:45

People have also done experiments wearing a fat suit and yes as expected fat people are dismissed easier and treated badly in comparison to slim people. Sad

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