Friend said she can't afford to buy me a Christmas gift this year ...aibu here?

[kellyhelly44]

My best friend of over 20 years has said she can't afford to do gifts this year.
She's just had a new baby and hours cut.
I still wanted to do something nice for her.
I was thinking of putting her a little hamper together.
Christmas cake,mince pies,crackers,cheese,nuts and nice chocolates.
Would she think this was cheeky when she's said no gifts.
I don't want anything from her but I really want to do a little hamper for her.
Aibu ? Is this okay ?

[quote CloudyVanilla]@jdoejnr1 I was suggesting the OP make the hamper and frame it as a treat day for the both of them so its not actually a gift to her friend, but is still a nice gesture that they can both enjoy. That where there is no obligation to reciprocate[/quote]
So you don't understand what "don't get me anything" means then? Frame it anyway you like but you're spending money on something to give to the other person. Pretending its a 'shared gift will still make them feel like they have to reciprocate the gift. Just don't do it. The only correct course of action here is no course of action.

Maybe you could do something for her, not for her to open at Christmas, but sooner and say you just wanted to do something nice to say thanks for being such a good friend when you needed the support?

It doesn't have to be for Christmas does it?

Just say your aware of her plan and you dont want anything back. Just say since it was such a special year for her. You wanted to give her a little something. You sound like a good friend.

If you haven't already given her something for having had the baby, then I think you could do that instead of Christmas. She sent you flowers for losing your mum, you give her something for having had the baby - fair do, no problem.

Leave Christmas out of it entirely.

YABVU. She has asked you not to buy presents because she cannot afford them this year. Please do not ride roughshod over her wishes. She doesn't need to be made to feel like a charity case.

If you buy her something, that might make you feel good...but it isn't about you. It will make her feel like her feelings don't matter. Why would even consider showing such disrespect to a good friend?

Just buy a nice card and say something really lovely in it.

I think as others say if you have a skill like baking or sewing you could make something for her. A home made Christmas cake would be a lovely gift and it could be decorated with Xmas tree baubles, like wooden soldiers for them to keep as a memento of baby's first year and you could give the baby one each Christmas. It doesn't have to be expensive, more the thought behind it.

I'd still do a dinner date with nice treats OP. I still think it's miles away from giving someone a present and will be nice for both of you :) in fact if you want to be extra cautious just sod the hamper and have a nice treat night. People are being ridiculous, if she's a best friend of 20 years and recently bought you flowers I'm sure she's not going to be emotionally destroyed by a nice Christmassy afternoon tea at yours FFS.

I’d make an extra Christmas pudding and gift it to her.

I think it would make her feel bad that she can’t reciprocate.

Give her a gift of an evening babysitting or a meal cooked for her (and being the baby). Costs nothing but your time x

I would hand write some vouchers for babysitting or coffee and cake dates in the new year.

Give her a babysitting voucher. Just draw one and put it in a card.

me and my best friend havent done gifts for years i still got her dc and i dont have any-sdhe doesnt seem to mind

Please don’t give her anything.
I hate ‘gifts’, as opposed to a present. I would suggest most gifts (ie from a gift shop) end up in the bin! I’m not a perfume person, or choccy (too fat as it is). It took a huge amount of guts for me to ask my friends and acquaintances to not do gifts, with tit-for-tat (usually tat) giving. For someone to give me something after I’d summoned the courage to request no gifts would feel like a slap in the face.

A nice box of chocolates and a card telling her how much you love & appreciate her...

What you don’t want to do is make her feel like she’s pitied or that she’s a charity case.

No Christmas gift. But you can make her a nice baby hamper now instead.

How about an anonymous little hamper on the doorstep. " I know you're not doing presents this year but I don't give to receive. Lots of love to you all this Christmas ( no name)"

Give her the gift of time. A promise to look after the baby for an hour while she goes for a run, gets her hair cut, sleeps, what ever she fancies. That costs nothing, but to most mums is priceless.

Lovely idea but best not as it might backfire.

Buy the baby a nice present instead.

The idea of a bauble with babies name and don on on sounds lovely. It's sentimental, small and for baby/Christmas but given on 1st Dec so a non-Christmas present.
Very thoughtful too.
I'm sure she would appreciate it more than a hamper if she's said no gifts.

I don’t think your being unreasonable. Your clearly in a better financial situation to her and I am sure she will appreciate the hamper now more than any other year. I know that if it was me I would! Defo wouldn’t feel awkward like you said your best friends and best friends help each other out.

You could make the hamper and say that you just wanted to mark her first Christmas with her baby as a special one and she had been such a kind and thoughtful friend sending you flowers recently. If she is a close friend then she will understand the gesture because good friends can give without the expectation of receiving.

Make or bake something for her?

Sorry to hear about your mum OP.

I think you need to respect your friend's decision. It would be embarrassing for her.

If you want to do something nice for her, could you send her some non-Christmas treats in a few weeks and call it an additional post natal treat for her as it's tough having a new baby right now?