Asking people to use my preferred name?

[Biancadelrioisback]

My first name is quite long and old fashioned so for the last 17 years I've been using a shortened version.
At work, everyone knows me and uses my shortened name (even clients) except for one colleague who refuses. She likes to use 'proper' names for people and refers to me by long name plus middle name as it 'sounds better'.
I've addressed this with her multiple times and with my manager as it royalty fucked up a negotiation with a client as they felt like they were being passed around.
All they say to me is "well it is your name so..."
I mean, yes, it is my name, a name I didn't choose. I ask to be called X instead. No one else has a problem!
My manager even suggested that I legally change my name. I certainly don't want to do that as it is a family name, it means so much to my parents and I quite like having a name and then a 'formal' name.
So AIBU to keep insisting they use the short version? I rarely answer to the long version as no one ever uses that.

Just don’t answer her when she uses your full name.
I had this issue with a shortened version of my name -a version which I hate-and she soon stopped using it when I ignored her

Print yourself out a free deed poll from the internet with your shorter name and wave it under her nose. You don't have to do anything else with it.

What a twat she is. Can you just not answer her if she calls you by your full name?

I've tried not answering her but she just persists. She even does it now we're working remotely via Teams. Every time she types my full full name

I think the deed poll suggestion is a good one, albeit you don't want your work to change bank payment details.

It's out of order of her not to use your preferred name though and I don't understand your manager's refusal to back you. You shouldn't have to (fake a) formal name change.

Yanbu - is your colleague deliberately trying to wind you up? I don't think your manager should be suggesting you legally change your name in order to appease some twat who has no manners.

I have a similar issue in that one family member calls me by my birth certificate name while everyone else even work call me by the shorter version I think of as who I actually am. I think it's my choice but I pick my battles as its family. At work I wouldn't stand for it, I would have to say I don't answer to that, and to insist on using it is disrespectful to me on a professional level and confusing for our clients.

Could you do similar to annoy her? I. E. Only refer to her as Mrs/miss twat face bollocks. So use her full name and title. Every time.

How did it screw up a negotiation?

Genuinely curious how calling you Jennifer jay instead of jen say fucked things up?

Depends on what the names are @elsewyre, surely? " Can I speak to my case manager Betty please?" "Actually your case manager is Elizabeth Patricia" = easily could be confusing for clients.

OP what she is doing is incredibly rude. Can you make it a bigger deal with your manager and if not go to HR. It's basically bullying, and if you name changed for a particular reason (e.g. escaping domestic violence or if you were transitioning) could even be breaking the law- I know these don't apply in your case but SHE wouldn't necessarily know if they did apply to you or another colleague so you could use that to support your case. You get to be called whatever you want in work.

The client was a bit of a recovery mission, as in they felt like the service we provided wasn't personalised and they would be passed from pillar to post when they had an issue. So I was dealing with them, trying to win them back. They tried to reach me and she answered and informed them that their case manager was [long name] and they weren't available. They went mad as they thought I had fobbed them off.

So my short name isn't an obvious version of my long name if that makes sense.

@newyearnoeu

Depends on what the names are *@elsewyre*, surely? " Can I speak to my case manager Betty please?" "Actually your case manager is Elizabeth Patricia" = easily could be confusing for clients.

OP what she is doing is incredibly rude. Can you make it a bigger deal with your manager and if not go to HR. It's basically bullying, and if you name changed for a particular reason (e.g. escaping domestic violence or if you were transitioning) could even be breaking the law- I know these don't apply in your case but SHE wouldn't necessarily know if they did apply to you or another colleague so you could use that to support your case. You get to be called whatever you want in work.

How would that be confusing?

@Biancadelrioisback

The client was a bit of a recovery mission, as in they felt like the service we provided wasn't personalised and they would be passed from pillar to post when they had an issue. So I was dealing with them, trying to win them back. They tried to reach me and she answered and informed them that their case manager was [long name] and they weren't available. They went mad as they thought I had fobbed them off.

So my short name isn't an obvious version of my long name if that makes sense.

So it was the not being available that was the issue?

yellow she would love that tbf

Genuinely curious how calling you Jennifer jay instead of jen say fucked things up?

If client knows their contact as Jen but someone else answering phone says Hold on, let me put you through to Jennifer Jay, one second, that doesn't sound like you are getting the same person who already knows the issue and your details, as a client - but being put through to someone else entirely. Or perhaps that someone is messing you around and not taking you seriously.

With the (wrong) client, that can be enough to have them feeling annoyed, or frustrated, that their needs are not being dealt with when they are paying for a service - whatever that service is. And through no fault of the person who is actually dealing with their case, probably in a very normal and professional way.

What an unbelieveable arse she is.
Give her a name and call her it persistantly and ignore any protests.

(Or drown her).

No, it was I went to the toilet and they thought I had passed them off to a colleague who went by my long name, rather than it just being me who colleague refused to call by the right name

Just wondering if sue does it to everyone else or just you? Many people have shortened versions on their names. If she's just doing it to you that's slightly different. Still not OK if she does it to everyone, though.

*she not sue 😂

Or "I was told my contact was called Kate and spent hours chatting with her about my requirements but I rang to speak to her last week and was told that someone called Catherine Elizabeth was my contact....I'm really not happy with this, I don't want to have to go through it all again with someone new. Are you fobbing me off on someone more junior?" Etc etc

Wow, that is some passive aggressive shit right there!

Her I mean, not you

Especially as Jennifer Jay kind of implies that that Jennifer is the newer Jennifer and the client's regular contact Jen is the older and more experienced, that the Jay is the newer Jennifer's surname initial, to distinguish her from the longer established Jen….

Just to clarify, I am the recovery manager so wasn't involved in the first set of issues with the client.

When in fact there is only 1 Jen(nifer) in the first place...

I think some people just love to rile others up for fun.

I do not understand that mentality at all.

Can you gently tease her about it, make it awkward for her to continue, while not falling out?