Asking people to use my preferred name?

[Biancadelrioisback]

My first name is quite long and old fashioned so for the last 17 years I've been using a shortened version.
At work, everyone knows me and uses my shortened name (even clients) except for one colleague who refuses. She likes to use 'proper' names for people and refers to me by long name plus middle name as it 'sounds better'.
I've addressed this with her multiple times and with my manager as it royalty fucked up a negotiation with a client as they felt like they were being passed around.
All they say to me is "well it is your name so..."
I mean, yes, it is my name, a name I didn't choose. I ask to be called X instead. No one else has a problem!
My manager even suggested that I legally change my name. I certainly don't want to do that as it is a family name, it means so much to my parents and I quite like having a name and then a 'formal' name.
So AIBU to keep insisting they use the short version? I rarely answer to the long version as no one ever uses that.

Just to answer some Qs. No she does this with everyone but most people have names that wouldn't traditionally be shortened like Ian, Paul, Louise, Tanya, Claire etc. So Louise might go by Lou to close friend but happily goes by Louise which can be quite interchangeable and obviously a nickname IYSWIM (not real names obvs).

I'd start abbreviation or lengthening her name

*abbreviating

It's a form of bullying. If you politely request, in writing to ensure she cannot say she didn't know, that she use xxxx and then she continues to use full including middle name (who uses middle names at work???) then hr need to be approached again with a bullying/harassment angle. Does she do it to others, if it's just you bullying has a stronger case

My long name was on my CV with my short name very clearly listed as preferred name. I literally introduced myself to everyone with my short name, but my official details are long name

@Biancadelrioisback I have this too. Manager often calls me by my full name as 'it's so pretty'. Despite me asking repeatedly to call me by my shortened version. Because I do not like my name.
I find it really rude and actually quite patronising.

I have a colleague who was born male, but identifies as female and goes by a female name. There's no way anyone would get away with call her by her birth name.

Completely different circumstances to yours, but you have a right to choose what name you go by and your colleague should respect that.

I would outright ignore her whenever she referred to you with your full name, no matter how much she persists. If she complains, I would stand my ground and say I have told her numerous times what name I will answer to, SHE is the one choosing to respect my wishes.

Stick to your guns!

Sounds like my old boss.. she was very aggressive anyway , and used to insist on calling me by my long name when no one ( not even my mother ) did.. so I just used to call her Liz or Lizzie every time she did it (as she insisted on her full name) and she stopped after a while..

A year or so after I left (walked actually because I couldn't stand her aggression any longer ) I heard that she got sacked for bullying someone else ..

I am with you op. I have always referred to myself by a shortened version of my name and absolutely hate being called by my full name . I always correct people when this happens but my sister has been referring to me by my long name regularly...and it really pisses me off !

To be honest, it's just rude not to call someone what they ask you to - unless it's something ridiculous or offensive, which obviously yours isn't.

If she persists when you don't like it, I'd even go as far as to say it's bullying, and should be reported as such.

She sounds like an absolute nightmare.

@PeachesTheFlamingo

I have a colleague who was born male, but identifies as female and goes by a female name. There's no way anyone would get away with call her by her birth name.

Completely different circumstances to yours, but you have a right to choose what name you go by and your colleague should respect that.

I would outright ignore her whenever she referred to you with your full name, no matter how much she persists. If she complains, I would stand my ground and say I have told her numerous times what name I will answer to, SHE is the one choosing to respect my wishes.

Stick to your guns!

*DISrespect my wishes.

Just as an example, say long name was Clementine and I went by Tina or Lavender and I went by Ava

I agree that what she’s doing is wrong.

But I don’t see why you can’t change your work details ( on email, website etc ) to Jen and still have your salary go to a bank account called Jennifer Smith.

Thanks for all the advice. I'll definitely raise it again with her first, give her one last chance, then manager, then HR as a formal grievance.

Just start calling her Fanny as thats what she's being.

Oh I’d hate that OP. I’m really surprised HR and your manager haven’t come down on your side. You have a right to be called the version of your name that you prefer. I think it borders on bullying behaviour. The inclusion of your middle name is just plain weird.

People are always shortening my name (the opposite to your problem I know) despite me always signing off emails and introducing myself with the full version and even saying I’d prefer to be called that. I’m resigned to it now.

Could you just say 'i know you are a little bit neurotic with names, but only my dparents use my full name. I don't think we are that close, so could you please stop?'

Don't call her a different name, she will take it to hr. If she doesn't stop mispronounce her name instead.

I would just refuse to answer. The woman is lacking in basic courtesy.

Friend of a dd had to use this tactic at school, with a teacher who (despite being repeatedly reminded) insisted on using the long version of her name, when she’d actually been christened with the short version.

Just bad manners, IMO.

I don’t think you need to change your name via deed poll for it to be “proper”, you just need to not have fraudulent intent, so could you e.g. change it on your bank account and then ask HR to change your name on their system? I’ve seen threads on here before about avoiding deed poll... not that you should have to, OP!

@Biancadelrioisback does she insist on calling you Roy Haylock?

Your manager is almost even worse!!!!! If you've always (in your example) been Tina and that's your e-mail signature but someone else insists on only calling you and referring to you as Clementine then she's either unbelievably obstinate or is being a pain. There's no way you should have to do a deed poll just to appease someone at work!!

No need to make it personal - her refusal to use your usual name is confusing clients and risking the company reputation/relationships. This can be a non-emotional, purely business issue. Best advise (either her directly or via HR if she is awkward) that her behavior is a little strange and is upsetting your customers, who need to know who they are dealing with.

As others have said, your legal name in England is whatever you decide to call yourself. I would not start making up nicknames for her, you'll lose the leverage if you indeed need to go to HR. Start with 'Colleague, I have told you the name I use is Tina and not Clementine. Please use this one.' Next time: 'Why are you creating a hostile work environment, calling me by name I have explicitly asked not to use?'
If still no change, go to HR as the colleague is on purpose continuing with behaviour you do not like and have asked them to stop.

Is this woman odd in other ways too, or just this one thing?

I think you need to train her. So when she uses your long name, remind her that’s NOT your name and only respond to her query if she calls you by your proper name.