Asking people to use my preferred name?

[Biancadelrioisback]

My first name is quite long and old fashioned so for the last 17 years I've been using a shortened version.
At work, everyone knows me and uses my shortened name (even clients) except for one colleague who refuses. She likes to use 'proper' names for people and refers to me by long name plus middle name as it 'sounds better'.
I've addressed this with her multiple times and with my manager as it royalty fucked up a negotiation with a client as they felt like they were being passed around.
All they say to me is "well it is your name so..."
I mean, yes, it is my name, a name I didn't choose. I ask to be called X instead. No one else has a problem!
My manager even suggested that I legally change my name. I certainly don't want to do that as it is a family name, it means so much to my parents and I quite like having a name and then a 'formal' name.
So AIBU to keep insisting they use the short version? I rarely answer to the long version as no one ever uses that.

She should call you by your preferred name. It is very rude not to. I would raise it with your manager as a formal complaint.

Don’t answer her.

Ask for a meeting with her line manager and yours and hash it out?

This is bullying, plain and simple. Take it up with HR.

Anyways regardless of that, it's just so frustrating!
HR agreed that technically she wasn't doing anything wrong as it is my name.

Call her by a nickname. Persistently.

Christ, she sounds batshit. It’s a real power trip for her. It’s disrespectful and unprofessional. Does she do it with everyone? Go back to your manager and his/her manager, making it clear it has cost you business, and if it’s not resolved by then let them know you are taking it to HR.

Look this is ridiculous. We can be sued or fired for using wrong preferred pronouns bit have to put up with this type of shit. I would make a formal complaint to HR.

Personally I would approach hr and tell them that you feel this is deliberate bullying (and inserting certain other buzzwords) and that the response from them as an organisation (change your nam etc instead of dealing with the person) is also inappropriate and you are going to take it further if it’s not taken seriously.

It doesn’t matter what she prefers. It’s not her name to make that choice, the cheeky bitch. Using your middle name as well. What’s that all about

And HR are wrong - it doesn’t matter what your name is - if you don’t want to be called that, and if nobody calls you that, but she persists in using it, she is saying that her right to call people what she wants overrides your right to be called by your chosen name.

Then do the opposite and shorten her name! Call her by her initials if she really hates informal stuff - go the whole hog and call her T-dogg or whatever.

Her manager should be taking it up with her. It is appalling office conduct.

I would just log a grievance with HR and detail the repercussions of her behaviour with that client.

Escalate it to her boss and tell them she's being disrespectful and potentially cost them some business by doing it.

And blank her. Just refuse any contact until she calls you by your correct appelation.

She sounds mental.
I worked briefly with a woman who sometimes used my full name, both first and middle. Another colleague asked her why she was calling me that and she replied’Because she (me) doesn’t like it.’
I replied well actually I love my name both the long and short version, I’m so lucky to have such a lovely name aren’t I?’ She never used it again!
Can you retort by calling her the most awful form of her name.
So for example I’d she us Patricia can you call her Peggy Sue? I’m not suggesting Peggy Sue just pick something she won’t like.

Bullying

Provocative behaviour

Disrupting your relationship with clients

Deliberate continuation of behaviour you've politely asked her not to do = harrassing

Back to HR!

I would pull her up on it, every damn time.

Provide the answer, don’t block the work but say, “I am asking you again to use the name by which I am known: Betty”

Then after that, every time day, “I have told you to use my name correctly: Betty, why are you refusing to do so?”

I might just call her Gayle. Not even remotely close to any form of her name...

I have a 5 letter name. It is consistently shortened. It's nit hard or difficult. Drives me mad. I've stopped answering emails to people I don't know that use the shortened version.

And yes to a grievance for bullying.

I think you are being unreasonable. Its your name & its obviously how you introduced yourself when going for your job? When in a professional setting like yours, just stick to your actual name rather than a shortened version. If its not like Victoria - Vicky, then clients are bound to be confused.

Tell HR it's bullying and see what they say. She is insisting on something she is well aware causes you distress for no good reason. Ask them about their bullying policy. Tell her that ignoring your repeated polite requests is distressing you.

What is her full full name? Call her ut and see what HR and she say then. After sll it is her name... so Mrs Hilary Evelyn Smith...

Your legal name is whatever you go by, in England. You don't need to "legally" change it as it's legal already.

'As long as it is not done for fraudulent or other unlawful purposes, a person may assume any forename without any formalities and can identify themselves with, and be identified by, the assumed name'

~ assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/918125/BULGARIA_-Informative_note-__Change_of_Name_in_UK.pdf
~ www.gov.uk/change-name-deed-poll

Come up with a shitty nickname for her and then use it. Continuously. To everyone.

Hello, not the case. It’s no different to me using a professional name. If someone asks you not to call them Jonny, but james, it’s good manners to do so. If someone persists with Jonny, it’s bullying.